A MIXED BAG

MATINEE

I don’t like modern films
Over hyped, over killed
They so often disappoint
The audiences once thrilled

I find now as I get older
The most joy that I can muster
Is from watching an old favourite
Than a modern blockbuster

THE COURTING RULE

When I was courting
Many years ago
I had a golden rule
Which I liked to follow
This ruled applied
To certain criteria
Namely that the girl
Should live in the same area
In extreme cases
A short bus ride away
As a general rule
Only one street away
But preferably
In the same street, or
In a perfect world
The house next door
My kids have no such rule
And don’t date girls in our road
In fact they won’t even date
A girl in our post code

SANDALS IN THE BIN - THE BALLAD OF MOTHER THERESA

Goodbye Mother T
Though I never knew you at all
You had the grace to hold yourself
While those around you crawled
They crawled out of their poverty
And they gathered again and again
God set you on the treadmill
And he made you change your name

And it’s been told to me that since you died
They put your sandals in the bin
But having them to cling to
When the pain set in.
I would have liked to have sold them
For just a few quid.
But your Sandals were thrown out long before
We even got a bid

DEATH AND TAXES

Death and taxes are the only certainties
In a life full of possibilities
Paying Taxes is an unpleasant act
Which I don’t enjoy and that’s a fact
But death is a different proposition
It’s not exactly an option
But I’m not afraid to go
But I fear the manner of it so

URANIA

The last mythological muse
Urania, muse of astrology
Foreteller of the future
By the stars array
Dressed in a cloak
Embroidered with stars
Holding a globe in her left hand
Always looking to the heavens
a goddess of universal love
And possessed with the holy spirit
The Renaissance Urania
Was muse to the Christian poets
And still gazed to the heavens
But saw God amongst the stars

FASHION VICTIMS

There is a new fashion range
Launching in the spring
And if you are of certain bent
Then for you it’s just the thing

There will be corduroy trousers
With a very high waist
And knitted sleeveless sweaters
To suit every taste

Jackets will be of Harris Tweed
With leather elbow patches
Shirt collars will button down
On a tie that never matches

So when will these hit the shops?
Is that the question I hear?
Be patient it will be with us soon
And it’s known as Boffin wear

SILENT STANDS

Silent stands
The winding gear
The pithead sealed
Five and twenty year

Miners no longer toil
With honest dignity
Coal now comes
On boats across the sea

Silent stands
The eerie monument
To stubborn arrogance
And bad judgement

Rust abounds
As far as you can see
The mining gone for good
That’s Scargill’s legacy

THE FAMILY WAY

I loved her right from the start
Willingly gave her all my heart
And when she walked down the aisle
I could do nothing at all but smile

When we moved into our flat
I thought to myself, that was that
Once we had our home together
We would just grow old together

Then I saw the pregnancy tester
When she had reached the first Trimester
And then came another level of joy
We would have a little girl of boy

Now I may have tended to fuss
My devotion may have been uxorious
But she was all important in my life
So I fussed around my primiparous wife

And when the great day finally came
We still hadn’t even settled on a name
But our daughter blessed our union
And I had two loves to dote upon

I HAVE A LOVELY SON

I have a lovely son
He is my number one
He won’t be an only child
I hope for another one
But he is our first born
When all said and done
I won’t love him anymore
But he’ll always be number one

LESS IS MORE

You don’t need to be frumpy
But I don’t want brassy
There’s no need to dress like my aunty
But I’m not looking for flashy
I don’t want to see everything
So don’t put it all on display
You don’t need to be obvious
I have an imagination, ok?
I don’t want to see it all
On display in the window
You don’t need to go in the shop
When everything is on show
You can allude to what you have
Without putting it all on display
But I don’t want to see it all
Save something for a rainy day

PROFESSIONAL BLUNDERS

The medical profession can always
Bury their mistakes deeply
The legal profession can execute theirs
Finally and completely
While journalism allow their errors
To be given centre stage
For all the world to see in black and white
Right on the front page