21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES

# 1

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
Thanks to a litigious culture, and a legal vulture
Humpty Dumpty made a big score

# 2

It's raining, it's pouring;
Politicians are snoring.
They had their chance
To save the world
Now we’re screwed by global warming

# 3

Simple Simon met a pie man
Going to the fair;
Said Simple Simon to the pie man
"what have you got there?"
Said the pie man to Simple Simon
"what do you expect me to have?"
“I’m the pie man
so I’ve got pies you dozy chav”

# 4

Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie
Kissed the girls but didn’t know why.
When the boys came out to play
He had more fun because he was gay

# 5

Mary Mary quite contrary,
How has your garden thrived?
With fertilizers and chemicals?
Or is it genetically modified?

# 6

Little Bo peep has lost her sheep
And doesn't know where to find them.
She didn’t know about the foot and mouth
Or that the farmer had to burn them

# 7

I had a little hen,
The prettiest ever seen,
Which happily made
For such versatile cuisine

# 8

Little Jack Horner sat in the corner
Of a fashionable eatery
When his food arrived in its design contrived
He said “What’s this supposed to be?”

# 9

Wee Willie Winkie runs through the town,
Upstairs and downstairs in his nightgown,
The silly man would have looked better
If he waited till the warmer weather

# 10

Peter, Peter pumpkin eater,
Had a wife and couldn't keep her!
She slipped through his fingers like sand
So he ordered another one from Thailand

# 11

This little piggy has an ASBO
This little piggy’s in prison,
This little piggy was a car thief
This little piggy’s on the run
And this little piggy went...
"!£&&*!!!$" the anti social little bastard