A Little Bit Of Humour # 13

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 295

Solomon Grundie,
Born on Monday,
but nothing else
In his life rhymed

ARE YOU WEARING AN UNDERSLIP?

Are you wearing an underslip?
Are you really by thunder
Would you like to slip out of it
Or should I just slip under

OPULENCE

He was opulence itself
With his lavish display
Of wealth and affluence
By means quite ample,
His riches clearly abundant
To put it another way
And to use the vernacular
He was totally Minted

WHAT’S THE POINT OF BEING AN ADULT

What’s the point of being
An adult if, when you wish
You can’t once in a while
Behave a little childish

BEEF AND CHICKEN

I’m used to the term
Surf and turf on a menu
If you want meat and seafood
But now if you want to
Eat Beef and Chicken together
You order Leather and feather

SO PLEASE MAKE NO MISTAKE

There is definitely a difference,
So please make no mistake,
Between a bag of crisps and a condom
One of them you salt and shake

SATURDAY NIGHT TREAT

On a Saturday night when I’ve had some a ale
There is one thing that delights without fail
And it’s the only thing that will satisfy me
And that’s Donna on a spit for all to see

WHAT A DAY

On Monday he was grumpy
He was happy on Tuesday
So God knows what kind
Of a dwarf he’ll be today

SHOP ASSISTANCE

I was shopping
With my wife
And we found ourselves
In the alcohol isle
But couldn’t decide
What we should get
So we asked the man
Filling the shelf
What he would recommend
He gave us both
A cursory glance
Before he responded
“I think Crabbies for Madam
And for sir,
The Old Peculiar”
Cheeky git
We bought a case
Of Wine as well

A SMALL PRANG

I had a crash with another car
It was my fault, Granted
And the “little man” got out
And God how he ranted
“I’m not happy” he shouted
“I’m not happy” he said again
I just and smiled and said
“Which one are you then?”

CHRONIC CONTRADICTION

I am definitely not getting past it
I’m sorry I have to contradict
But my back trouble is a result
Of being Athletic, not arthritic

VINDALOO

He had the Tarka Vindaloo
The rotter
It’s like Chicken Vindaloo
But its otter

I WORK AT THE MET OFFICE

I work at the met office
And my name is Bob
I have to do the pollen count
God it’s a difficult job

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 297

Kind hearts are gardens,
Kind thoughts are roots,
Kind words are blossoms,
Kind deeds are fruits.
But none of this rubbish
Gets the bloody grass cut

THEY’RE PUTTING ON ACTIVITIES

They’re putting on activities
For those whose lives need enhancing
Well I’m hard of hearing
And of the activities they are advancing
Budgie jumping, parrot shooting
And hen gliding
Might be worth chancing
But no way am I going to have a go
At the Lion dancing