A Little Bit Of Humour # 10

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 288

As I was going to Banbury Cross
My wife was less than thrilled
“For god’s sake calm down” she said
“You’re going to get us killed

A PEOPLE PERSON

It read, “I’m a people person”
On his bumper sticker
But it actually turned out
That he was a trafficker

THERE IS A MOTH IN THE BATHROOM

There is a moth in the bathroom
Drawn towards the light
My wife was in the shower
And it gave her a bit of a fright

I don’t understand why
If they are attracted to the light
They don’t just appear
When the sun is shining bright

SALAD DODGERS

When the slot machines
Are played by those with obesity
In a life spent in the arcades
It’s the only fruit that they see

I RAN A PERSONAL BEST

I ran a personal best
In the 100 metres
And my new record is
Almost 80 metres

WALT DISNEY ON ICE

The kids wanted to see
Walt Disney on ice
They all thought
It would be really nice

However it turned out
To be some old geezer,
Walt Disney apparently,
Lying dead in a freezer

OUR FAMILY PLANNING

There are only 13 months
Between my two little chaps
It was actually by design
As we didn’t want a big gap
So thats why as part of the plan
My wife had a Caesarean

THE DALAI LAMA

In a vote for a leader of our planet
The Dalai Lama would be my bet
I would certainly risk a grand
If I were a Tibetan man

FOR MY 60TH BIRTHDAY

For my 60th birthday
I bought myself a sports car
It’s my pride and joy
Not that’s it’s been very far
As there is a slight problem
An oversight I have to admit
I need a hip replacement
Before I can get in it

THE BANK OF MUM AND DAD

When I bought my house
My parents kindly helped me
And now I really can’t
Thank them enough - apparently

ARE YOU WEARING A FASCINATOR?

Are you wearing a fascinator?
Well tell be more about that
Oh my imagination was all agog
But now you tell me its just a silly hat

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 289

If wishes were horses
Then beggars would ride,
But they’re not
So get off my pony

PLAYING A WOOD

For most of us weekend golfers
The only wood that is essential
To carry in your golf bag
Is a finely sharpened pencil

ARE YOU WEARING VELVET?

Are you wearing velvet?
That’s the sexiest dress yet
Do you mind if I touch?
Oh I like that very much
I don’t think we should go out
I think without a doubt
We should definitely stay in
And then we can both sin