CHRISTMAS MANIA

 

Uncle John has mental health issues

And he doesn’t do well with stress

So normally come Christmas time

He has to board the bi-polar express

THE BIG FELLA’S R & R

 

After circumnavigating the globe

Staring at the back end of Prancer

Santa Claus really looks forward

To watching a north pole dancer

HANDLE MUM WITH CARE

 

Mum gets really stressed out at Christmas

And you upset her if you dare

Because the result could be that you will

Be hung from the chimney with care

SANTA CLAUS IS IN TROUBLE

 

Santa Claus is in trouble

He’s been up to his old tricks again

When the Christmas fairy was found

Licking his candy cane

SANTA’S HELPER

 

Santa has helpers at Christmas

To get him through the season

Then he rests pretty much until Easter

He claims fatigue is the reason

And he is unable to fulfil his duties

Satisfying his cute little yelper

So, he bought Mrs Claus a new toy

To make his neglected wife purr

It came with plenty of batteries

It’s known as Santa Big helper

THE BIG FELLA’S R & R AGAIN

 

After circumnavigating the globe

The reins of his sleigh in his hand

The only thought on his mind

Is his wife’s winter wonderland

WHEN SANTA RETURNED HOME

 

When Santa returned home

To have his tea

His wife was there

Waiting apprehensively

“There was a phone call for you”

Said Mrs. C

“It was a little garbled

And made no sense to me

Something about Saville

And Operation Yewtree”