SANTA CLAUS IS A MAN

 

Santa Claus is a man, make no mistake

Because he always gets to your house late

Eats your cookie before emptying his sack

Calls you a ho before he turns his back

And then he leaves while you’re asleep

So, Santa Claus is a man, the fat arsed creep

THEY HAVE PIZZA AT THE NORTH POLE

 

They have pizza at the North Pole

On the feast of Stephen

And they always have the same one

Deep-pan, crisp and even

THE SOUND OF CHRISTMAS

When I heard “Ho Ho” Whoosh,

I knew I’d heard the sound before

It happened when Father Christmas

Went through a revolving door

I GOT A CHRISTMAS CARD TODAY

 

I got a Christmas card today

And it was full of rice again

I knew instantly why, because

It was from my Uncle Ben

SANTA PUT A CLOCK IN HIS SLEIGH

 

Santa put a clock in his sleigh

And the Elf’s asked him why

So, he explained to them

That he like to watch time fly

SANTA GOT STUCK IN A CHIMNEY

 

Santa got stuck in a chimney

Last year on Christmas Eve

And ever since he’s suffered

From Claus-trophobia I believe

RESTFUL SANTA

 

At Christmas there is another name

You should call Santa Claus

When he rests between delivering gifts

And that’s Santa Pause