A Jamboree Bag Full Of Humour

CONSIDER THE POSSIBILITY

In the event that your nose runs
And your feet smell
Just consider the possibility
That you might be upside down

I’M BUSY DOING NOTHING

At breakfast my wife asked me
What I was doing today
“Nothing” I replied to her
“But you did nothing yesterday”
She informed me
“And now you’re doing it again today”
I replied “I’m not doing nothing, again
I didn’t finish doing it yesterday”

CO-OP COUPLE

Christopher really liked Lisa
He thought she was really quite fit
They worked together every day
At a very well known supermarket

When he asked her out she said yes
But to show that they were an item
They were shrink-wrapped together
And had a barcode label stuck on them

I DON’T BOTHER WITH FLU JABS

Its flu jab season again
But I always give them a pass
I self medicate with alcohol
It really is first class
So just say to the doc
When he starts to tut
That a shot in your glass
Is better than one in the butt

DOCTOR FEELGOOD

My doctor advised me to
Take regular exercise
Eat more fruit
And get plenty of fresh air
So I have taken his advice
I walk to the pub
I have a slice of lemon with my G&T
And I drink in the beer garden

AT KING ARTHURS COURT

Sir Lancelot was the greatest
Sir Gawain was the soundest
Sir Galahad was the purest
Sir Cumference was the roundest

SHOULD HAVE GONE TO SPECSAVERS

When I was on an Alaskan island
I was sure i had seen an optician
Just as plain as the nose on my face
But it turned out to be an optical Aleutian