72 Miles From The Sea

  Float like a Butterfly Sting like a Bee Float like Buffalo, Get punched in the face

  Are you wearing a tired expression? There is also a hint of depression I recognize that look on a man You’re a Manchester United fan

  Anyone who actually believes That cheats never prosper Have never seen defenders Preparing to defend a corner

  Are you wearing beer goggles? That’s a definite I reckon Because I look like Iain Dowie But you see David Beckham

  After being caught using an Abhorrent substance in plain view The shamed sportsman has promised Never again to touch tofu

  After being caught, with no excuse For abhorrent substance abuse   The shamed sportsman has sworn Never again to touch Quorn

If you were to train Quasimodo For an American footballer game The result of training would be The Halfback of Notre Dame

They’re putting on activities For those whose lives need enhancing Well I’m hard of hearing And of the activities they are advancing ...

  Players perform elaborate routines When goals are scored by my team They must practise them for days But I would prefer in many ways...

  Celebrate the victory With your piers Drown the woes of foes In English beer Sing loud the songs of triumph Whisper low of near ...

  Upon the chessboard The pieces move And change their futures Their course and direction And I want that I want to make a move ...

  The walking wounded And the living dead The quibbling siblings Daisy, Maisie and Fred Every Tennis menace And Rugger bugger Ev...

  She was without her knickers at Twickers There was a little thatch at Brans Hatch There was a blushing fellow at Flushing Meadow Whe...

Aladdin rubbed his lamp And a Genie did appear You can have one wish But only one he made clear   “I want to live forever” Aladd...

  They called it the dash Way back in the day A short word for a short race Dash was the right word to say Now they call it the spri...

  The difference between a tea bag And Woking Football Club Is a simple one to discover A tea bag stays longer in the cup

  It was a glorious week in June And I wore my best ensemble But after Day three at Wimbledon I hadn’t seen a single Womble

  When I first got into athletics A hurdle scared me a bit But with dogged perseverance I managed to get over it

  My dog ate all the Scrabble tiles When they were spilt on the mat And for days he kept leaving Little messages around the flat

  Our star sprinter is not a looker But that doesn’t bother us We still cheer him to the rafters But we do call him Fastidious