72 Miles From The Sea

  I’ve been feeling a little bit moody and Run down lately, so I thought I should Look up my symtoms and find the reason It turns out ...

  My friends laughed at me When I said I had a girlfriend, Which was a rotten thing to do And they said she was imaginary Well, th...

  I’ve got this awful disease It’s really become quite habitual I can’t stop telling airport jokes The doctor says its terminal

  “Pedants Society Meeting Here” The sign on the door read “Every Sunday at four” “Well not here exactly here” The sign below added ...

  The thing that gives me anxiety Are people reading my stories But even worse than that are People not reading my stories

  The habitually disappointed support group Had good reason to bellyache As their meeting had been cancelled And as a result, there wo...

  I suffer from kleptomania I have to admit But when it gets bad, I take something for it

  Are you wearing a straightjacket? With wrap around sleeves and metal bands Are you some kind of homicidal maniac? Or do you suffer f...

  If you keep randomly shouting out “Broccoli” or “Cauliflower” Have no regrets It’s not something you can’t really help Because it ...

  There is a short circuit In the wiring of my brain Which torments me until I have Equilibrium again But I’m unravelling Like a b...

  I cannot believe that my Next door neighbour Is a self-harmer She's so vile there Must be queue of people Willing to do it f...

  I have very low self esteem And live with low expectations And to make matters worse I'm terrible at self-deprecation

  I believe it’s quite normal To have voices in my head Listening to them is usual Sometimes I argue instead However, if I were to...

  I sit with a mirror straight ahead of me And another one placed behind me So, my image is repeated in perpetuity That way I don’t fe...

  If life is getting you down And depressing you increasingly Take all of your troubles  And toss them into the sea, You don’t have to do...

  My brother has been seeing a psychiatrist He pays one hundred pounds a time And he’s been doing it for bloody years I think he must ...

  My dad thinks he’s a chocolate orange I don’t know if I’ve mentioned And we have come to the decision That we should have him sectio...

  One in four women in this country Are on meds for mental illness So, the rest are running around Undiagnosed more or less

  When the tragic death Was announced on the news Of the Oscar winning actor My wife didn’t have a clue Which prompted her to say ...

My Uncle Michael Was a schizophrenic But he was good people Was Uncle Mick