72 Miles From The Sea

  Some people aren’t shaking hands Because of the Coronavirus caper But I’m no longer shaking hands Due to the shortage of toilet pape...

  Are you wearing a smug expression? Well, that can mean just one thing As you’re dressed in that dark suit You didn’t shake before le...

While looking at a hotel website His granddaughter asked “What’s a Bidet?” The old soldier smiled wryly and retorted “It’s a couple of...

  Not doing up your fly after spending a penny Makes you forgetful and nothing more, It doesn’t mean you have Alzheimer’s Its only sen...

  The sign in the layby read “No dumping” it was hard to miss But luckily it didn’t apply to me Because I only needed a piss

My husband is like a petrol mower Although he is considerably slower They are both difficult to get started Emit foul smells when they...

  When you walk into the bathroom You’re American When you walk out of the bathroom You’re American But while you are in the bathroo...

  Falling in love is like poetry But when she no longer calls Don’t start writing her number On every single toilet wall

  Poetry can be very romantic But it doesn’t work for all And it doesn’t really count if You write it on a toilet wall

  My wife’s been giving me the silent treatment Which I have enjoyed if truth to tell But every silver lining has a cloud When the sil...

  I forget names; I forget faces I even forget to zip up my fly But by far the worst thing Is forgetting to unzip your fly

  He was a serious swimmer And was in the pool constantly But his progress was halted In his lane, by an elderly lady “How long must...

Oh, dear what can the matter be Three old ladies locked in the lavatory And it all happened last Saturday And nobody knew they were th...

  At the festival toilets There was a bit of a queue Which got a bit out of hand To my view But we all survived The Battle of Port...

  It was at Southwaite services Where I stopped though in a rush And experienced for the first time The disconcerting autoflush   ...

  I got caught taking a piss In the local swimming pool The lifeguard shouted so loud, I nearly fell in. the bloody fool

  Are you wearing a frown? Is something getting you down? It’s something I’ve done? A broken rule? What another one? Oh now what is ...

  Forget the Pinot Grigio and its ilk And the endless night time wee’s Would you like anti-diuretic wine? Then the Pinot More should p...

  I pee every morning at 6 am. Like the proverbial racehorse And I evacuate my bowels 30 minutes later in force Which would be perfe...

  When you’ve been to the loo And you’ve done what you must do You give a little tap, tap, tap To shake the drips of the old chap Bu...