72 Miles From The Sea

  I’ve been feeling a little bit moody and Run down lately, so I thought I should Look up my symtoms and find the reason It turns out ...

  My doctor said to me Don’t eat anything fatty What he meant by that was Don’t eat anything, fatty

  I have to be honest I am a giver I have donated A piece of my liver Not a lot though It was just a sliver

  Not wishing for a moment To add insult onto injury But Cancer Care has now Become a growth industry

  My doctor told me to do something That leaves me breathless So, I’ve started smoking again Now I’m breathless and stressless

  I have suffered with Kidney stones But I am happy to declare That Elvis has left the building With more than one Jordanaire

I phoned the swine flu hotline When my chest started rattling Because that was the advice But all I got was crackling  

  My Uncle had his neck brace fitted Because he has arthritis in his neck But in the five years he's had the brace My Uncle has ne...

  Are you wearing a muffler? To keep the cold off your chest Well should it not do the job I know what to do for the best I’ll just ...

  I have given up sex for Lent Which is to some small extent An empty gesture on my part As I had to as I have a bad heart

  My doctor is a Locum Who replaced Dr Slocombe And all I get is Hokum With a sprinkling of bunkum But I have my heath so Ho hum

  My doctor said to me Don’t eat anything fatty What he meant by that was Don’t eat anything, fatty

  Africa has its problems With the outbreak of Ebola But spare a thought for Every Little Englander Who is exposed every Summer to...

  The Ebola crisis is causing concern And is causing the Americans to fret And what the people want to know Is why aren’t their troops...

  The Chocolate Strawberry’s I have so far concluded As one of your five a day May definitely be included

  Chocolate coated raisins I found out today Can easily be included As one of your five a day

A man recovering from surgery was asked By the nurse “how are you feeling Mr Dukes?” “I’m a little concerned about a four letter word ...

  My decision to become a doctor Even though it helped me burgeon Raised more than a few eyebrows But then I am a plastic surgeon

  I left the county hospital In some considerable distress They made me put my todger Inside a bloody trouser press

  Inoculations are a drag Just remember it’s the jabs That might well prevent Many ending up on slabs