72 Miles From The Sea

  I’m in my fifties now and I started drinking when I was 15, which was in the early 1970’s. I always looked older than my age, though not...

  It was Friday night and the lads Were hitting the shots to get fucked And two guys walked into a bar Before the third one ducked

  I went out for a walk, Just round and about When I saw in a doorway An old down and out Drinking brake fluid From an old tin cup...

  Are you wearing vomit in your hair? I fear it is a look that won’t be diminished I've learned that you can keep on vomiting Long...

  After getting home late one night, very drunk, He sees something that will forever scar his brain And the consequence of seeing two of...

  Dawn rose on the desert In the crisp morning air But she didn’t have a clue How she actually got there

  I always thought that alcohol Made me funnier, smarter, oh And a much better dancer But then I saw myself on video

  Are you wearing beer goggles? That’s a definite I reckon Because I look like Iain Dowie But you see David Beckham

  I remember well that fateful day When I read of the evils of drinking And so shocked was I that I decided On that very spot to give ...

  Many things can be preserved In alcohol, the list nears infinity But among that endless list One of them is not your dignity

She was married to him For three years, just over And didn't know he drank Until he came home sober

  Wine boxes aren’t for the snobs But what makes them unwhackable Is unlike the odd shaped bottles All the Wine boxes are stackable

  When the wine box is empty I am one of the thorough types I rip open the cardboard To reveal the Pinots tripe’s And squeeze it dry...

  In green leathered comfort I sat in a Chesterfield In an atmosphere That totally appealed Among my piers In silent appreciation ...

  It was Friday night and the lads Were hitting the shots to get fucked And two guys walked into a bar Before the third one ducked

  I was out on the lash on Saturday night But I think it ended in disgrace As I woke up in a skip next morning With a kebab stuck to m...

  Pour me a Scotch Whisky With only two drops of water Please can you do that for me? My dearest daughter For at my age I can hold m...

  I need a bit of a pick me up After a very boozy lunch A “hare of the dog” is the thing After too much Rabbit Punch

  Alcohol is not the answer That’s my suggestion It does help however To make you forget the question

  I need glasses So, it would appear But the glasses I need Let me be clear Are glasses of wine And glasses of beer