72 Miles From The Sea

  Are you wearing false painted toe nails? No, I don’t think that they look sweet And I think it’s a waste of money Simple because you...

  Are you wearing denim? I didn’t know you could still buy it It’s just like I remember And it still smells like shit

  Are you wearing brut? How 1970s of you And it smells as if You splashed it all over too

  Lip-salve is a very useful product But it’s not a good chaperon, in anyway Even though it lives up to its boast Of always keeping th...

  I have often wanted to ask the question Which has always gone unspoken Why, when my wife gets ready, does she Put on mascara with he...

  Are you wearing breast tightening serum? No of course there is no disgrace But I do think I should point out That you don’t put it o...

  Are you wearing eau de Cologne? Well, something smells wrong I don’t think it’s the real deal Like it was bottled in Hong Kong?

  Are you wearing cellulite cream? And is that workin’ for yer? I only ask as it looks like You’re covered in tapioca

  My wife went to the beauty parlour And had a mudpack applied Which improved her appearance Until it fell off and she cried

  My sister has a tanning salon It is hers and her husband John’s And at the national tanning awards Their establishment won bronze

  Are you wearing a face pack? Hello it is you under there? I know how to check, I’ll cop a feel I’m sorry I didn’t mean to scare Th...

  When they told Cheryl Cole That she had la fièvre malerial She just thought it must be A new product from L’Oreal

  The price of beauty products Have gone through the roof What a rip off they really are Try waxing strips if you need proof

  Are you wearing blue lipstick? Then you must be a Dutch chick Because I’ve heard the song Ma’am About blue lips from Amsterdam

  Are you wearing cellulite cream? And is that workin’ for yer? I only ask as it looks like You’re covered in tapioca

  Are you wearing denim? I didn’t know you could still buy it It’s just like I remember And it still smells like shit

  Is this product real or just a dream? This new-fangled anti-aging cream I think it’s a little odd, at any rate Because the stuff has...