72 Miles From The Sea

  Are you wearing breeks? And very fetching they are Hen And now if you wouldn’t mind Can you take them off again?

  My wife bought me a quilted coat Which I avoid wearing whenever I can And that’s simply because it makes me Look like a deflated Mic...

Although I’m clearly not a girl I do Understand the concept of a trainer bra But if there are similar aims with trainer socks Then I d...

We were shopping for holiday clothes And we were very nearly done When my wife reached the swimwear “Should I get a bikini or an all-i...

  Are you wearing socks? Tell me that you are, pray Why must you adopt The most bohemian way And be quite sock less On your weddin...

  Are you wearing combinations? I must say with total resignation It’s not the sexiest underwear For you to be wearing under there

  She was a very big lass And Apple shaped I suppose But she was dressed In quite unsuitable clothes   Beige Lycra pedal pushers ...

  Mum knitted me a jumper I hate wearing it as I look silly But I’m a kid so I have to Especially when mum feels chilly

  Are you wearing slippers? Yes, I do think they suit you I'm just questioning their suitability For a visit to the zoo

  If you live in the United States And the weather uses all of its charms Wear a short-sleeved shirt After all you have the right to b...

  Are you wearing lederhosen? Well, that’s a look you could lose And they make your buttocks squeak Like a pair of new shoes

  She was a very big lass And Apple shaped I suppose But she was dressed In quite unsuitable clothes   Beige Lycra pedal pushers ...

  Are you wearing a onesie? I didn’t know you were the type But you have surprised me And yes, I like the tiger stripe Well yes, I d...

  Are you wearing a knitted swimsuit? Well I know there’s a recession on But I’m afraid knitted swimwear Isn’t at all the right thing ...

  She was a stunner In her new red hat And it turned a few heads Have no doubt of that   She was not dressed As someone one igno...

Are you wearing silk drawers? I only ask you as I can see That you appear to be the victim Of an elastic deficiency And if you combi...

  Are you wearing an underskirt? I can see it beneath your hem Oh, its imported silk is it? Oh yes of course I like them

  Are you wearing a red chapeau? It’s a very daring choice of yours Because wearing a red chapeau They’ll say red hat and no drawers

  There’s an Army surplus store across the street That only sells camouflage gear as far as I can see I don’t know how well the business...

  Are you wearing a chapeau? That’s the French for hat you know? Well, you look quite sweet I must say Though I’m not a huge fan of th...