72 Miles From The Sea

  It’s an absolute calamity I’ve never heard the like of it I just heard on the news Up north they are running out of grit   What ...

  It’s really great not being a foreigner As I don’t have to ask myself whether The man with a feather in his hat is a forester A cust...

  Feeling superior to Johnny foreigner Is not balderdash As I don’t wake to find my garden Covered in volcanic ash

It’s really great not to be A Johnny foreigner Because driving on British roads I will never Need to avoid potholes That are Big...

  It’s really great not Being a foreigner As my countrymen Don’t wear hats with a feather

  It’s great not being Foreign all the same As my country rarely Changes its name

  It’s great being English And not just for the pounds As we don’t burn down embassies On theological grounds

  I am proud not to be A European I must admit As I don’t have to display My virility or permit Myself to be chased by bulls And a...

  I simply feel so superior To every European person As I don’t eat cheese at breakfast Or put marmalade on bacon

  Without a doubt not being A foreigner is for the best As I don’t have to eat snails Snakes or even bird nests

  The great thing about Not being a foreign Johnny Is when on trains and buses? Rug sellers do not approach me Nor do half the passe...

The great thing about being Superior to foreigners Is not indulging in ritual Stoning of adulterers

  I have found many reasons Not to be foreign without doubt Such as papers and magazines With none of the bits cut out

  I have found many reasons Not to be foreign as yet Such as not having to marry A girl I have never met

  I say I’m glad to be British And similar refrains Because when riding through Our towns in cars and trains We do not see any sacre...

  It’s so great to feel superior To foreigners in oh so many ways Like expecting today’s cabinet To be much the same as yesterdays

  It’s ok to feel superior To foreigners and heretics As witchcraft plays little part In British politics

It’s ok to feel superior To foreigners and heretics As poisoning play’s little part In British politics

  I am proud to be British And the reason why I am never expected To fight giant octopi

  I am proud to be British Like many realists As I am not expected to be Scarred by duelists