DECEMBER

December’s wind is bitter
December's moon is cold
December's gem is turquoise
December’s year is old

December’s sun is cool
December’s water is ice
December’s number is twelve
December smells of spice

December’s season is winter
December’s green is holly
December’s season is festive
December people are jolly

December’s shops are full
December’s shows are on
December’s drink is eggnog
December smells of cinnamon

December’s days are short
December’s nights are long
December’s tone is joy
December sings a Christmas song

VENTURA HOLIDAY

A Christmas cruise in the Caribbean
What a dream for the Christmas season
It’s a dream holiday for anyone
And costs thousands of pounds for a reason
Among other things what you would expect
When venturing on the ocean waves
Is to be in company of like minded people
Who comprehend how they should behave
You book early to avoid disappointment
And the chance to choose where to stay
Settle the amount in plenty of time
Then in December you’re on your way
But then to ensure a full compliment
Those greedy so and so’s at P& O
Heavily discount the remaining cabins
To all and sundry, happy Christmas ho ho ho
From every city, village and town
From Great Yarmouth to Merseyside
From John O’Groats to Lands End
And from Fishguard to Tyneside
They come in search of a bargain
And a cut price berth on a luxury cruise
The uncouth the loutish and the crude
They who measure fun in volumes of booze
And so begins the Chav cruise from hell
Not hell for the Chavs themselves sadly
But for the poor souls who paid their way
Chavs know no other way to behave but badly
For alcohol consumption they know no limit
This is apparent for every poor soul to see
Drunken food fights soon breakout
Some even set fire to the Christmas tree
What a sad indictment on our society
The way the Chavs behave abroad
It’s a shame that international law
Won’t let us throw the bastards overboard

CHRISTMAS WITHOUT HARRY

It was early when the children woke up
With their squeals of joy and delight
They hadn’t woken me though
I’d been awake half the night

Christmas held no joy for me this year
I was not looking forward to the day
And I always loved Christmas
This year I didn’t want to play

It was the first Christmas since I lost Harry
And each moment was a fresh agony
Everything we used to do together
Now had to be done by me

When you are the perfect partnership
It’s so hard when you lose one of the team
He was the cream cheese on my bagel,
I was the coffee to his cream

Its six months since he was taken from me
But the wound has barely healed
It takes just the slightest remembrance
And a fresh scar is then revealed

The children have all adjusted well
I’m so proud of the way they’ve coped
They’ve gotten on with their lives
And not sat around and moped

I’ve lain awake most of the night
Reliving Christmases gone by
I laughed at all the happy memories
And then the laughter turned to cries

It was going to be a difficult day to bear
And I would be glad when it was done
But I didn’t want to be a Grinch
And pour water on the children’s fun

Having Christmas without Harry
Was like having an undecorated tree
He was my best friend and soul mate
He was just everything to me

So for the kid’s sake I had to grin and bear it
Put on a brave face, smiled through the pain
I thought it would never end but end it did
And it won’t be that hard again

THE GIFT GIVER

The Christmas trees are trimmed
And all the halls are decked
Santa has made his list
And all the names are checked
The reindeer have been harnessed
The sleigh is loaded high
Santa climbs into his seat
And they’re off into the sky
Santa goes from roof to roof
From city to city and town to town
He finds the chimney pot
Then takes the presents down
And the gift giver goes about his work
So that every girl and boy
Can awake on Christmas morning
And unwrap that wanted toy

CHRISTMAS TURKEY

Laid naked on the kitchen table
White flesh from leg to breast
A Christmas bird to be enjoyed
My table was truly blessed

I set about the job in hand
Getting the bird prepared
And by using all my expertise
No effort at all was spared

Having greased the old bird well
The meaty legs spread wide
And I began to stuff the bird
I was really in my stride

When the bird had been well stuffed
It lay resting on the cooker
Smelling of sage and onion
The bird really was a looker

Then I looked up at the kitchen clock
Panic filled me and I began to fret
I shouted to my wife “quick put you pants on”
I haven’t prepared the turkey yet

CHRISTMAS SCENE

Snow blankets the ground
Lights twinkle and flash and chase
Reds, blues, white
From Chimney pot
To garden gate
Lights of every hue
And a five foot plastic Winnie the Pooh
Santa’s, elves and reindeer
Stand guard on front lawns
Neon signs point the way for Santa
A typical scene now you might think
Could be anywhere in the world
The only thing to give away the location
Is the fact it’s still November
So welcome to
Christmas in Chav land

IT HAPPENED LAST HALLOWEEN

I stepped out of the car
And was verbally assailed
As I stood upon my drive

“Trick or treat”
Came the banshee chorus
From creatures barely alive

I was taken aback
By this unprecedented event
This new tactic they’d contrived

In the past I had been safe
Behind locked doors
When the leaches arrive

But pretending not to be in
Would not cut it any more
If I was to survive

I must be as clever
As the candy seeking predators
And learn to duck and dive

So when a firework went off
And their attention was distracted
I ran away to hide

TAKING ISSUE

I am a very lucky man
To have her as my wife
And I think she thinks the same
About having me in her life

There are only two things
With which she takes issue
That’s everything I say
And everything that I do

STRESSED OUT

Is your life hard?
Do you feel stressed out?
Do, the do’s and don’ts
Make you scream and shout
To change things around
There is no doubt
That ice-cream and cake
Will turn your stress about
For if you turn Stressed around
Then Desserts is spelled out

I REALLY WANT TO SAY

I really want to say to you
Just how precious you are to me
I really want to say to you
That I know you are the one for me
I really want to speak to you of love
But here is the twister
I really can’t talk to you of love
Because I’m in love with your sister

BALDY LOCKS AND THE THREE HAIRS

BALDY LOCKS AND THE THREE HAIRS

Baldy locks may be very rich
He may even be a millionaire
But Baldy locks is unpleasant
And he will never share
Don’t ever approach him
If you don’t want to hear him swear
If you fall beneath his gaze
You must say a little prayer
Don’t venture to close
Never stray into his lair
Don’t try to converse with him
You won’t elicit any cares
The only things he cares about
Are his three remaining hairs

HEALTH WARNING

How can they say smoking is bad for you?
It’s a lot of old tosh in my personal view
All my family smoked since they were nippers
And after all smoking has cured my kippers

NEWSY, NEWSY

Newsy, newsy
Suzy the Floozy
(Not very choosy)
Met Boozy Susie
(Always woozy)
Then had a twosie
In the Jacuzzi
Floozy and Woozy
Then got all Oozy
And decidedly bluesy
Before Suzy the Floozy
(Not very choosy)
And Boozy Susie
(Always woozy)
Got a bit snoozy
Twosie Suzie’s
Newsy, newsy

LITTLE RED RIDING HOODY

Little red riding hoody
Was sent to visit her sick grandma
But the big bad wolf spied her
Before she’d got very far
The big bad wolf wanted to eat her
And was just about to strike and mar
When she set her pit-bull on the wolf
Then went off to rob her grandma

HAVING A STROKE

A woman arrived on the ward
To visit her husband one day
And when she saw him in his bed
He looked in a very bad way
She asked the nurse what happened
“He had another stroke” The nurse said
The woman unconvinced
Questioned her about bruises to his head
“That’s not normal for someone having a stroke”
She said to her crossly
“I can tell you it is perfectly normal madam
When he’s having a stroke of me”

ALL THE NICE GIRLS LOVE A SAILOR

When the navy is in town
There is mayhem all around
As the sex starved from the fleet
Wreak havoc in the streets
Chanting amidst the noise
Get your tits out for the boys
In search of feminine company
After several months at sea
Pleasing them is easy
These horny men of the sea
They don’t want to see your thighs
Or to look into your big brown eyes
The only thing that will satisfy
Is getting your tits out for the guys
They don’t want to see you pout
Just get your top off and get them out
You can do a dance of lust
If you really think you must
You can even bump and grind
They don’t really mind
You can make a really sexy noise
As you get your tits out for the boys
This is not the best way to be
If you really want some company
Oh these enlightened men of the sea
All end the night skint and lonely

GSI NOT DIY

I don’t do plumbing
Carpentry or electrics
I don’t mess with tiling
Bricklaying or mechanics
I suppose I could be described
As a handy man, in a way
As I live on the premises
And can be there the same day
But that isn’t really handy
If I’m being fair
As I’m actually bloody useless
When I get there
So I don’t do DIY
I’m just not that guy
But I do, do GSI
I’m a “Get Someone In” kind of guy

KEEP FAT

I’ve just seen myself in the mirror
And it’s clear I need to get thinner
But if I join a gym they tell me
I will feel the benefits immediately
Their fitness plan like as not
Will take me from shot to hot
From porker to corker
From chunk to hunk
From duff to buff
But in order for me to see my toes
I just need to pay them through the nose
So rather than try to get thinner
I will just stop looking in the mirror

NICE ONE HENRY # 2

FIFA are on a mission
Disrespect for refs they want to defeat
An admirable ambition indeed
But first they need to stamp out cheats
Its spread from normal quarters
To Thierry Henry who to his ignominy
Handled the ball to keep it in play
A offence done quite deliberately
Which was compounded by his lie
That it happened accidentally

BETTER TO BE DEAD THAN RED

The Liverpool supporters
Singing from the cop
Urge me to join them
On and on they never stop

“You’ll never walk alone”
Is the anthem they sing
It’s gone on for years now
With that tinny scouser ring

Well I’m from Blackpool
And of more sober tone
Which is why I say to the cop
That I’d rather walk alone

CONFESSIONS OF A HOOKER

Lying in bed on their wedding night
The newly wed wife said, eyes full of tears
“Before we were married
I was a hooker for eight years”The husband said to her calmly
That he had no concern about it
And that it might even
Spice up their nuptials a bit
Then she got flustered
And said “no, no you don’t understand
My name was Jeremy
And I played Rugby for England”

WHO’S THE WANKER IN THE BLACK?

The song of the supporters pack
“Who’s the wanker in the black?”
That was the chant
But no longer, for you cant
Disrespect the referee
For a man such as he
Is to be protected
And respected
And no one must speak ill
Even if forced to swallow the bitter pill
Of un-just officialdom
Which is NOT seldom
No manager may mutter
Query or utter
Discontent in the refs direction
For to commit such an indiscretion
Will see them had up before the FA
Where a fine must be paid
And be sentenced to a touchline ban
For insulting the black clad man
But why should they be protected
And forcibly respected
They are a professional group
And well salaried to boot
They no longer officiate
In their amateur state
Low-tech refereeing
A hobby to be fitted in
Attending the scene of their crime
In their spare time
With no remuneration
For their dedication
No “bread and honey”
Just enough for petrol money
If lucky luncheon vouchers maybe
For a cup of tea
And a pie to warm the soul
Before disallowing a perfectly good goal
It was much better then
With those amateur men
And be able to say to their faces
That they were bloody disgraces
I don’t think we have progressed
Now we have professional refs
They now think themselves important
And no longer want to hear the chant
But I still want to sing with the pack
“Who’s the wanker in the black?”

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES

# 76

An apple a day
Keeps the doctor away
Is an old wives tale
And doomed to fail
So when the doc calls
Just knee him in the balls

# 77

Horsey, horsey will you stopJust stop with all that clippetty clop
You’ve been put out to pasture as you know well
So stop playing with the coconut shells

# 78

John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt,That is my name now
That’s John spelt with an H
And Jacob with a CAnd Jingleheimer spelt the right way!!
Oh what is the point just call me JJ

# 79

The Grand old Duke of York
He had ten thousand men
And when the hedonistic Duke reached the end
He started all over again

# 80

There was a little girl,
Who had a little curl,
Right in the middle of her face
She might call it a curl
But I’m afraid little girl
You’ve actually grown a moustache

# 81

There was a little girl,
Who had a little curl,
Right in the middle of her forehead.
“That’s inbreeding for you”

# 82

Christmas is coming the geese are getting fat
Pick me out the fattest one and we’ll have that
It needs to be a big one for our Christmas feast
In fact just give us the one that’s clinically obese

SWEETHEARTS

Put you trust in me my love
I will never let you down my dear
My darling, dry your tears
My angel set aside your fears
Our life together will be sublime
Sweethearts till the end of time

LOTHARIO

Just let me gaze into your eyes
His words did not disguise
His unsubtle advances
Of flirtatious talk and furtive glances
But I fell victim to his charms
And he held me in his arms
But I held him in mine as well
And then had him under my spell
As I gazed into his eyes
I had the lothario hypnotised

TECHNICAL TIP

This is a technical tip so listen to it
Absorb it and assimilate it
If it’s wet you may dry it
If it's dirty you may clean it,
If it squeaks you may oil it,
But if it works: don’t fiddle with it!

WANT

I want you every day
In each and everyway
With every breath I take
I want to inhale you
I want to consume you
I want to undress you
Slow and controlled
I want to peel you
Like a piece of fruit
Whose consumption
Is to be anticipated
Each layer more revealing
Exposing the sumptuous flesh
Ripe in its perfection
A sight to be savoured
A delight to be relished
I want to touch you
Feel the warmth of you flesh
Sense it tremble beneath my fingers
Feel the beating of your heart
Beneath your perfect skin
Listen to your breath sounds
Altering with each touch
I want to caress the shape of you
Touch the heat of your passion
Feel your moistness
I want you every day
In each and everyway
With every breath I take
But to you I don’t exist

MY

My skin yearns
For your gentle touch
That silken caress
Of velvet joy

My body yearns
For the warmth
Of your tender embrace
Enveloping me

My heart pleads
For you presence
To be replenished
To be refilled

My lips beg
To be softly kissed
By petal pink mouth
Of honey sweetness

My essence craves
That other entity
Which makes me whole
My soul mate

BAD RECEPTION

You sit in reception
A vacuous bimbo
Reading your mag
And thinking of bingo

You read your magazine
Quite empty headed
Smiling at men
Who’d have you bedded

If you could read our minds
What images you’d see
Vividly depicted scenes
Of lust and debauchery

You would be employed
For a very different job
With balls on your chin
And a nob in your gob

The men in the pinstripe
Would have you promoted
If you allowed yourself
To be spit roasted

The delivery driver with
“a package for yer”
Would like to bend you over
The photo copier

Even the women
Of the other persuasion
View you in their fantasies
Being used for perversions

As for myself you would see
Your bountiful naked bod
Breathless and panting
Riding my rod

It’s safer if you remain
A vacuous bimbo
Reading your mag
And thinking of bingo


This poem was inspired by a particularly unhelpful, vacuous and obnoxious receptionist in Sheffield whose complete disinterest in anything but her magazine led me to compose this ode, fuelled merely by spite and malice.
I would like to apologize in advance to the large body of very efficient, helpful and largely sexually unattractive receptionists up and down the country.

LITTERBUG JITTERBUG

Discarded from a moving car
The litter travels very far
Each piece small or big
Performs a little merry jig
Each windblown piece at play
Participates in the ballet
Plastic bags float with ease
Waltzing high upon the breeze
Sweet papers flutter
Down in the gutter
Coke cans or maybe tango
Dance the tin can fandango
While larger papers jitterbug
Thanks to the litterbug

SILK STOCKINGS

Silkily sheer
From dainty ankle
To lily white thigh

Silk stockings
Needing to be touched
Pleasing to the eye

Silk stockings
Cool to the touch
Hot to the eye

Silk delicately soft
Contrasting my ardour
These legs in silky guise

Smooth cool silk
Temptingly tactile
A feast for hand and eye

Silken stockings
Sensual silk road
That leads to paradise

BEWARE THE IDES….

Ceasar and Brutus were talking one day
About the phones with the most cachet
They discussed the best deals of the day
Then friend Brutus thought to say
“What network are you with by the way?”
Ceasar promply replied “O2 Brute”

THE LITTLE CHILDREN SAY

The little children say
All cute and sweet
On all hallows eve
“Trick or treat”

The little pleading faces
Look up with innocence
Wide eyed angels
Full of malevolence

A cute kid you can trust
I haven’t met yet
And what they really mean
Is tricks and threats

CHRISTMAS HERALD

The Christmas lights are up
The shops play Christmas tunes
The Santa’s are out in force
In their red and white platoons
Christmas goodies are on display
The best selections ever seen
Which sends the message out
That it’s nearly Halloween

GODS GRACE

Little Grace sat hugging her granddad
“Did God make you granddad”? She said
As she stroked his old wrinkled face
Then ran her fingers across his balding head
“Yes sweetheart God did make me”
Then she touched her own face
“And did God make me too”?
“Yes God made you too my little Grace”
She thought for a moment then said
“Well in that case then I guess
God must have fixed the problems
In the manufacturing process”

LOCKERBIE LAMENT

The grieving families
Of Al Megrahi’s victims
Have no truck with mercy
Or Scotland’s political whims
They say they want justice
For their loved ones
But most just want vengeance
When all said and done
In their grief they crave
Justice for the just
Al Megrahi’s death itself
Won’t satisfy the bloodlust
Because withering away
Consumed by cancers hand
Is an inadequate passing
For such a man
Perhaps some more public end
Shown on live TV
A public execution
For all the world to see
Stoning him to death
On the Whitehouse lawn
With Obama saying “yes we can”
As the families look on

REUNION TREPIDATION

Reunions are strange affairs
Full of shadows of events long past
Faces swim at you from the crowd
Faces from the past
Some are old friends
Greyer in colour
Frailer in body
But still recognisable
Someone says
"I haven't seen you for years"
And suddenly you see them as they once were
You swap stories
Exchange remembrances
And the years just melt away
Though at times you grasp for names
In the far reaches
Of your cluttered mind
You pour over old albums
Regimental photos
Or company teams
Picking out familiar faces
"His name was Chisholm"
"What was his first name?"
"George?"
"No he played trombone"
"Tom, Tim, no Jim"
You feel pleased with yourself.
Your trepidation at attending long gone
With the pleasure of old friendships revisited
You are glad you made the effort

At reunions and other such gatherings
Amongst the sea of faces
There always appears
As if released from a time capsule
That one person who seems completely unchanged
The “Dorian Gray”
Who makes you feel older than ever
And a little bit envious
But not bitter
You console yourself with the fact
He has a painting of Methuselah in his attic
Plus there was that smug satisfaction you got
When you met the rabble rousers of your youth
That are now the teetotallers
Or those with walking frames
And the special diets

Reunions are more than that though
It’s not just about meeting old friends
Some people you never liked
Some you always avoided
Those are the ones who propel themselves
Excocet like from the throng
And act like your long lost best friend
They are the ones you need rescuing from
That cause time to stand still
They ones that caused your trepidation
Who talks incessantly
About everything
And nothing
The ones that cause you to vow
"This is my last reunion"
Or “Never again”
But because the one annoyance
Is the exception to the rule
When next you're askedYou always relent

HALLOWEEN TALES

SEASON OF WITCH

When the werewolf’s howl
And vampires take to the wing
When the witches start to brew
And you hear the banshees sing
When the ghouls are on the move
And the ghosts can all be seen
Then that’s the time you know
That it’s the night of Halloween

A VAMPIRES TALE

When the sun has long set
At dead of night
I rise from my bed
And go out for a bite

Soon I am flying
On my vampire quest
Its fresh young necks
That I like the best

Though I am in no way
A connoisseur
And I would not turn down
Something more mature

Soon I find a subject
Ripe for the picking
And when I’ve supped
My lips I’m licking

Then I return fulfilled
To my dark domain
And sleep the clock around
Until I can sup again

TIS ON THE NIGHT OF HALLOWEEN

Tis on the night of Halloween
When ghosts and ghouls and things obscene
Arrive when our worlds come together unseen
And the souls and demons can pass between

CHRISTMAS HERALD

The Christmas lights are up
The shops play Christmas tunes
The Santas are out in force
In their red and white platoons
Christmas goodies are on display
The best selections ever seen
Which sends the message out
That it’s nearly Halloween

OUR NIGHT OF FIRSTS

I dreamt last night
About our night of firsts
I saw everything with such clarity
Though it was many years ago
All the sights and sounds
The smells and of course touch
It was such a special night
Our night of firsts
Our first date
The first time we held hands
As I walked you home
Along the orchard lane
And then of course
Beneath the cherry tree
Our first kiss
On that late spring evening
When the air was full of perfume
And we heard the birdsong
We gazed into each others eyes
Then our lips touched
And our fate was sealed
For at that moment
On our night of firsts
We fell in love
From that moment on
And all the days of our lives
Our love has lasted
And though I am alone now
And I can only kiss you in my dreams
When my time comes
We will meet again
And walk hand in hand along the orchard lane
And kiss once more
Beneath the cherry tree

BLACKBERRY CAT

You had to go out on such a filthy day
Even though you have a litter tray
I suppose out side there is fun to be had
And you’re still active so I should be glad
But why is it that you deign to re-enter?
Taking a path right across the centre
With half the garden on your paws
Only after I’ve washed all the floors

GIRL ON HORSEBACK

Elegant and beautiful I thought
Admiring the girl on the horse
I couldn’t take my eyes off her
No glance back at me of course

She sits in the saddle quite aloof
A cut above us I’ve been told
A little bit snobby to tell the truth
But she is a beauty to behold

As for the horse she sits upon
A fine thoroughbred steed
A beast like she, looks down its nose
Because like her it’s of noble breed

You expect to be looked down upon
By a girl atop a noble horse
But when on terra firma
I would expect equality of course

But from her five foot one inch stance
She looked down on me once more
Which was quite a feat indeed for her
As I stand tall at six foot four

PC COFFEE TIME

Black coffee
That’s all I crave
Nothing fancy
Just coffee, black
Not latte
Skinny or otherwise
Not espresso
Cappuccino
Mocca
Mocca choca
Macchiato,
Americano
Just coffee, black
But now I’m told
It’s not PC
To order black coffee
Apparently
To be perfectly PC
When ordering black coffee
I must request
Coffee without milk

SHADES OF LOVE

THE LIGHT WENT FROM THE WORLD

The light went from the world
When our love came to an end
I lost everything of worth
My lover, confident and friend

At the moment we discovered
Our love had simply lost its spark
Like the switching of a light switch
My whole world went dark.

PLEASE DON’T LOVE ME

Please don’t love me
Please don’t make me
The object of your affections
Or subject me to your infatuations

Just because I smile at you
And make small talk too
And we have so much in common
Is nothing to pin your hopes upon

Please don’t love me
Please don’t invest your love in me
I’ve been down that road before
I don’t wish to travel it anymore

Every thing is rosy at the start
But too many times love breaks your heart
I will not risk my heart again
So all alone I will remain

So please don’t love me
Friends is all we can ever be
Save your love for the “one”
My dealings with love are over and done

TOO MUCH LOVE

He loves her he says
And he says it often
To elicit a reciprocation
In case her feelings soften

And he does love her
Too much though
Than is really healthy
Soon she will know

For stronger than his love
Growing in intensity
Smoulder the embers
Of his bitter jealousy

She loves him in return
And feels his love
But has not yet felt
The iron fist in the velvet glove

A WORLD OF LOVE

When I walk with you
Through the woods and hills
Just you and I together
The real world disappears
Melts away like a dream
In the cold light of day
That you just can’t quite remember
We avoid the other walkers
Such is our greed for each other
That we jealously guard our company
We are in love
Though we speak of it reluctantly
Lest we break the spell
So we embrace together
In our special world
Cocooned from the real world
By our close proximity
Just you and I
And that is all the world we need

FOR LOVES ADVENTURE

For loves adventure to begin
With life’s journey to share in
Requires only that our souls should meet
And the circle then to be complete
Then with that first sweet embrace
There is nothing ahead we cannot face
For love itself is not the prerequisite
The prize is to keep and treasure it

BEAUTIFUL EYES

Beautiful eyesSo clear and blue
Big eyes,
“All the better to see you”
Eyes, the windows to the soul
What do you see through?

Beautiful eyes
Imperfection free
Big eyes,
“All the better to see me”
What do you see?
When you look through them at me

Beautiful eyes
So honest, so sincere
Big eyes,
“All the better to see clear”
Do they see me with love?
Yes they see with love, my dear?

TAKE A CHANCE ON LOVE

I know it’s difficult to trust again
When deceit is all you’ve known
And lies are all you got to hear
Don’t let it turn your heart to stone

My love for you is boundless
Though the intensity may alter
There will be constancy
My love for you will never falter

Please give me a chance
Put an end to your distress
Take a gamble one last time
The jackpot is your happiness

TWO HEARTS

Two hearts wanting
Standing on the sidelines
Wanting to participate
But fearing heartbreak

Too scared to trust
Past wounds still raw
The wanting so deep
But the spirit to weak

Two hearts wanting
Standing on the shoreline
Wanting to take a swim
But too fearful to dive in

Two hearts wanting
Standing on the sidelines
They will join in, in time
Or they’ll wither on the vine

CONCERNING SPURNING

Since that moment of your spurning
How to live without you I’m learning
But as long as the world keeps turning
And a boomerang keeps returning
All the time the sun keeps on burning
That’s how long I’ll keep on yearning

OUR LOVE IS TOUGH

Our love is tough
Our love is strong
Made in England Apropos
As strong as tungsten steel
It’s as hard as granite rock
It won’t melt away like the April snow
It’s made of sterner stuff
The only thing that will break it
Is if we let it go

I THOUGHT MY HEART WAS BROKEN

I thought my heart was broken
On the day she said goodbye
I loved her so much
I loved her too much
All my friends said
“You’re better off without her”
“Plenty more fish in the sea”
But I wasn’t so sure

I thought my heart was broken
But in the end I was mistaken
Though I felt pain
I don’t want to feel again
My friends were right
I was better off without her
And there were more fish in the sea
Of that I was assured

I thought my heart was broken
On the day she said goodbye
But it was not you see
And if she had not left me
Then my friends, the matchmakers
Would not have trawled the seas
And found the perfect girl for me
My future is now secured

DREAMING OF YOU

Walking alone on a bright summers day
I’m thinking of you though you’re far away
Wishing you were with me neath this sky of blue
In my lovers daydream I’m walking with you
I dream of you every step and every stride
Picturing you with me walking by my side
Soon I won’t have to dream to have you near me
And my phantom lover will have to flee
Your perfume will intoxicate me like wine
Then I will really feel your hand in mine
And then we can fall in love anew
Until then I must keep dreaming of you

IMPRUDENT HEART

She fell in love
Too easily
Too deeply
Too desperately
Her heart was imprudent
Indiscrete, Impulsive
There was always another target
Of her affections
Some would deplore her
Some would ignore her
Some would use her
Some would abuse her
Her heart was always disrespected
Always unappreciated
Her love was always unwanted
And always unrequited
She just wanted to be happy
But each time
She strove for love
It just got further away
She gave her heart
Too readily
Too easily
Too cheaply

I COULD HAVE LIVED A LIFETIME

I could have lived a lifetime
Sailing the seven seas
One moment in the teeth of a gale
Then becalmed for want of a breeze
I could have charted new waters
Or discovered exotic new lands
Or battled cutthroat pirates
With sword and pistol in my hands
I could have lived a life of adventures
Sleeping beneath the stars
Lived by a strict code of honour
While sporting my duelling scars
All this and more I could have been
If I’d lived an adventurous life
But in truth what greater adventure
Than to lay in the arms of my wife

PRETTY ANGEL

How pretty she was
A fact no one denies
With the face of an angel
And sympathetic eyes
Her soft gentle mouth
Its true nature it belies
For beyond the facade
She was the devil in disguise

How deceiving she was
Behind the angels disguise
Hidden beneath a mask
Were calculating eyes
Her soft gentle mouth
Could speak only lies
And beyond the façade
Lay the angels demise

BETRAYAL

In your dark betrayal, you have destroyed
Everything in my life that mattered
What I thought was solid, is now gone
Because of you our love was shattered
Like a thousand mirrored fragments
Each precious memory now scattered
Reflects back all those moments of deceit
My self respect left torn and tattered

LOOKING AFRESH

Looking afresh in the cold light of day
All at once life isn’t as dark as it appears
When first you left me for another
Leaving me alone after so many years
I was deeply hurt, but now I realize
You’re not worth the salt of my tears

RING IN THE WINDOW

In the window he saw the ring
The perfect one, a beautiful thing
The most perfect symbol for her
At its centre a Ceylon sapphire
A gem to beguile and hypnotise
And match the beauty of her eyes
Then to compliment its glow
Around it sits a diamond halo
Light playing on its heavenly guise
Like the sparkling of her eyes
All set in a stylist platinum band
Which he could picture on her hand
And pictured himself on one knee
So he could say “please marry me”

IN SUNSHINE OR IN SHADOW

In sunshine or in shadow
Your love sets me aglow
In perfect calm or raging storm
Your love keeps me warm
In times of drought or flood
Your passion warms my blood
In summer bright or winter dark
You are always in my heart

WE HAD IT ALL

It was here, in our grasp
We could see it, feel it, touch it
Something steadfast and solid
Reassuring and comforting
A constant, a given
Something infinite and immeasurable

We had it all in our hands
A living breathing thing
That we gave life
Our own creation, our new entity
But we let it escape from our grasp
Slowly slipping through our fingers
Though we tried to recapture it
It was illusive, like trying to net smoke
It evaded our efforts

So now it's gone and nothing remains,
Of that entity that was us
Nothing tangible, nothing physical
Only memories remain

NOTHING LASTS FOREVER

Nothing lasts forever
Nothing is that durable
Nothing is built to stand the test of time
No matter how sound the foundation
It will fall apart

Love is among the list of shoddy structures
Love doesn’t last forever
Even though we wish it would
And we can make the case why it should
And list the justification
“Because I need you”
“I feel so lost without you”
“I don't want to be alone”
No one is listening
There is no ombudsman
To hear your grievance and arbitrate
You have loved and lost

But knowing it won’t last forever
Doesn’t soften the blow
When it comes to an end
It still hurts like hell
And the pain seems to last forever

I'VE ALWAYS LOVED IT AT THE SEASIDE

I've always loved it at the seaside
But I don’t like dirty postcards
I don’t like kiss me quick hats
Or ice creams on the promenades

I don’t like the sand in the picnic
Or the feel of dry salt on my skin
I don’t like the smell of the seaweeds
Or the sound of seagulls screaming

I don’t like the amusement arcades
And I don’t like the movement of the tide
I don’t like to sit in the deckchairs
I've always loved it at the seaside

I LOVE IT AT THE SEASIDE

I love it at the seaside out of season
When the bathers are not there
The beaches are no longer sun kissed
The sands are empty and bare

I love it at the seaside
On a bright sunny winters day
When you can stroll along
With out people getting in the way

You pick your way along the shore
Picking up driftwood and shells
Skim stones across the water
Without soliciting angry yells

I love it at the seaside
The deck chairs are all stored away
On the sea front all is quiet
And the car park is free all day

I love it at the seaside
The shops are shut and battened down
All the amusement arcades are shut
But not the Rose and Crown

NATURE POEMS

MISTY MORNING

The early morning sunlight
Creeps across the meadow,
Where in the wet grass
The rabbits make their dawn patrol

In the meadows quiet corners
The sun glints on dewdrops
Trapped within the intricacies
Of a labyrinthine spiders web

Though the morning sun is weak
And too soft to burn the mist
It still banishes the darkness
And another day begins

ON SUN SCORCHED SAND

Beneath my shoeless feet
The sun scorched sand
Burned those who dwelt too long
In admiration of the vista
Beneath the swaying fronts
In the shadow of the palms
The white sands
Offered cool respite
I rested a while
Before I journeyed
Across the sun baked sand
To become immersed
In the cool of the ocean

SQUALL

The grey skies are stormy and wild,Strong winds gust and batter the land,
Rain carried by the squall
Peppers the windows like gravel
And stings the faces of the unfortunate traveller
God protect those caught abroad
On such a foul day as this
The winds whistle round the buildings
And make rag dolls of the trees
Being inside looking out is preferable
Warming by the fire with glass in hand
Loved ones safe about you
Ride out the storm in comfort
Until the stormy gales subside

SUNFLOWERS

They bloom in summertime
Blooms of golden orange
Heads the size of saucers
Unnaturally strange
They stand tall and straight
And super model thin
Large headed and skinny
Just like models again
Not grown for beauty
But for their numerous seeds
Ugly and ungainly
These giant unwanted weeds
Maybe I’m wrong to view them
As one of natures messes
But I can’t help thinking
They’re not one of God’s successes

BEASTS OF THE AGE

Where once was beauty
Now stand the monsters
Towering tall and lean
Arms stretching outwards

These beasts have spread
Across the land and sea
Like a virulent rash
Reaching out to infinity

The towering beasts
Came here to save us
Cleanly making power
Without dirty green house gas

They stand as sentinels
Unsightly and offensive to the eye
Come to save the world
With their clean power supply

In light offshore breezes
Windmill arms turn slowly
It’s a shame they can’t work
When it gets a bit blowy

HANDBAGS AND GLADRAGS

Alligators and Crocodiles
Swam the murky waters
Unchanged in their ancestry
And in their sons and daughters

Oh how time had left them
As the world kept spinning
Swimming the murky waters
Since the worlds beginning

Until they then fell foul
Of fashion entrepreneurs
Valuing them for their skins
For devotees of couture

JAMBOREE BAG

EUTOPIA (HAIKU)

Darling buds of May,
appearing in endless dreams
of bountiful days

POETS OF YORE

Great poets, wordsmiths of yore
Prose and rhyme did write
Of matters that went before
Viewing them in poetic light

ALL ENCOMPASSING

A compass point
Will show due north
And knowing where north resides
Lets you find your way
To all points due
This differs greatly
From a moral compass point
Which only has one position
And always points you to
“Do the right thing”

THE SAINTS AND THE ANGELS

The Saints and the Angels
Watch over us all the year round
You never know they are there
For they never make a sound

But they are there nonetheless
Watching over us everyday
And they are there to listen
When you have a need to pray

And should some weary soul
Let slip their earthly bonds
They have angelic company
On their way to the great beyond

AM I BOVVERED

She drove in the exit as I drove out
And I hit her car with a mighty clout
With a chorus of colourful language
She got out to inspect the damage
Her hair was pulled back from her face
Eyes bulging as if sprayed with mace
Skin tighter than the string of a bow
As if she’d had her head out the window
I wasn’t sure if she was injured or ok
Or if her face always looked that way
I inquired if she was injured or hurt
Her response was certainly quite curt
Then I pointed out she was at fault
And she reared up like an angry colt
We exchange details insurance and such
And got in my car and wished her luck
I pointed out her horse like behaviour
And the extent of her driving failure
She was a very long way past miffed
The angry girl with the Croydon facelift

THE YOUTH OF TODAY

Whether Right or wrong
Or for good or badThey all do it, Girl and boy
Or laddette and lad
Lads swear like troupers
Loud and loutish
Girls swear like fishwives
Drinking to excess
So lacking in respect
For themselves and for others
Morals like alley cats
That would shame their mothers

WHEN I WAS A KID

When I was a kid
Life was simpler than it is today
We chose our friends
Based on the things we liked to play
When I was a kid
And we Choose teams in the school yard
If you didn’t get picked
No one thought to play the race card
When I was a kid
Race creed and colour were meaningless
The only “Race issue"
Was arguing about who ran the fastest

POSITIVE DISCRIMINATION

It’s about time we realised
Discrimination is futile
Between black and white
Muslim, Jew and gentile
The old and the young
The homeless and the cherished
The left and the right
The perfect and the blemished
Atheists and believers
The contented and the whinger
Able bodied and disabled
Brunette blonde and ginger
The east and the west
From Asian Orientals
Continent against continent
To European Occidentals
The happy and the sad
The skinny and the stout
The stable and the mad
The in and the out
The north and the south
The Oxbridge and the common
The straight and the gay
Man versus woman
At the end of the day
Nature will discriminate
And will eliminate
Those perpetrators of hate
The senseless bigots
And the world will be rid
As nature will choose
Between the smart and the stupid

LIBERALS

Don’t you just love the liberal crew
So called because of their liberal views
But when you examine their reasoning
Their liberality is merely posturing
Charles Kennedy was deposed of course
Because he was too fond of the sauce
Jeremy Thorpe had to go way back when
Because of his fondness for young men
While Menzies Campbell was told
He had to go because he was just too old
The party so proud of their liberal principals
Are in reality not that liberal at all

TWENTY SOMETHING, SWEET YOUNG THING

Twenty something
Sweet young thing
You smile at me each day
“Hello” or “Hi” you might say
The carriage rattles along
Rushing us towards the throng
The train wheels sing a song
And I picture you in a thong
You look up from you book
And give me a quizzical look
Can you read my thoughts?
I’d better think about sports
No, no that doesn’t help at all
Now you’re playing beach volley ball
Twenty something
Sweet young thing
Looking at me quizzically
This is the affect you have on me
Better not read my mind?
You don’t know what you’ll find
In my head I often caress
The soft curves of your tender flesh
As I divest you of your attire
And satisfy my every carnal desire
A smile replaces your quizzical look
Before your eyes return to your book
I must not have these thoughts again
When we are together on the train
Twenty something
Sweet young thing

IF YOU ONLY KNEW

Twenty one today, the birthday girl
Blushing beauty beneath soft curls
You are the most beautiful creature
With such a delightful nature
You smile and it lights up your face
And I look at your breasts to my disgrace
You would not smile at me so sweetly
If you knew I wanted you completely
Oh beautiful creature demurely dressed
How I yearn for you to divest
If you could read my lustful mind
Such filthy thoughts there you would find
Is your nature as innocent as it seems
Or are you as dirty as in my dreams
If you knew of the one I dreamed last night
Of how you succumbed without a fight
I kissed and caressed the breast I cupped
And of your sweet nectar I greedily supped
Then like beasts we met in congress
But it was only a dream I must confess
Oh pretty thing with sumptuous figure
Let me consume you in my vigour
Oh pretty young lady, half my age
Release my passion from its cage

HOLOCAUST

Since the cooling of the Nazi’s oven fires
And the fading glow of the funeral pyres
The world has had to endure the mutterings
Of those who deny the holocausts sufferings
The inane ramblings of conspiracy theorists
The bigoted bile of Islamic fundamentalists
The holocaust now stricken from the syllabus
We must not speak of it lest we cause a fuss
We must appease the liberal sentiments
For God forbid we might cause offence
But the holocaust happened, SHOUT it aloud
Shout it in the face of the apathetic crowd
For if we do not condemn the holocaust deniers
Somewhere, one day they will relight the fires