I had mixed emotions after my epic fail with Pandora,
On one hand I was elated after an astonishing carnal interlude with the adorable Pandy while on the other, being heartily depressed about only managing to keep my wick dry for two days.
After some deliberation in the days following my fall from grace I came to the conclusion that going cold turkey was probably not the most sensible course of action and I was probably more likely to succeed if I just cut down a bit.
I was still resolved to my long-term goal of monogamy with Georgia but there was a long road to travel and the occasional diversion was inevitable.
In between my deliberations regarding my suitability as a life partner; I kept my self out of trouble by catching up on my writing schedule. I managed to crack off almost three chapters based around my romp with Pandora.
The only downside with writing about an actual event, particularly one that was so incredibly sensuous, is that it is so vivid and so arousing that you just want to do it again, right away.
On such occasions it was sometimes necessary to employ self-abuse.
By Friday the weather had finally cleared up and according to the met office we were in for a prolonged spell of warm, dry days, a proper Indian summer.
I wasn’t holding my breath, I had little faith that they could manage to predict the weather for 3 weeks hence when they struggle forecast with any certainty what will happen that afternoon.
Still enjoy it while it lasts was my philosophy which applied to almost everything in my life, sex included.
Friday was gardening day, and so by extension it was also Frankie day.
Frankie Carpenter was my gardener; a big chested thirty something ginger gardener with a great unruly shock of ginger hair.
Not at first glance an obvious choice for my advances you might say and ordinarily I would have to agree with you.
I started to fancy her though after I discovered she had hairy armpits which for some reason really turned me on.
I extrapolated that hairy armpits and an unruly mass of hair equaled the prospect of a very hairy ginger growler.
However I wasn’t sure if under her dungarees she had hairy legs or not, I’m not a fan of hairy legs, it’s not a turn off, but it doesn’t excite me.
I did draw the line at hairy nipples though.
I had a close encounter once in the stock room with a girl called Pat, she had hairy nipples and it almost ruined my Christmas.
Frankie is quite a muscular unit about 5ft 10 probably not the most agile of partners I suspected and she would not be easy to maneuver but I estimated she would not be left wanting in the stamina department.
So it was while I was staring through the window watching the robust Frankie Carpenter bent over a planter with her dungarees stretched tight across her well divined buttocks, thinking to myself that I would love to have a crack at that when the phone rang and I was still wondering if I would be able to impress her with my dibber when I said
“Hello” I was still staring at the buxom ginger haired horticulturist, and thought her hair was a little less unruly than usual.
“Simon?” asked a woman’s voice
“Yes that’s me” I replied
“It’s Katy” she said “Katy Oliver”
“Hello Vicar” I said, preferring to think of her as the Vicar rather than as a woman so I wouldn’t be tempted to shag her.
“What can I do for you?”
“I know its short notice but...” she hesitated
“I can’t answer if you don’t ask”
“Would you mind temporarily taking Eleanor Overend's place on the church committee,” She asked, “we are fast approaching the harvest festival and well…”
“Of course, when do you need me?”
“Ten minutes” she said hopefully
“Ok” I said, “I’ll leave now”
I grabbed my keys and headed out the door.
It would be nice to get out of the house and end my self-imposed exile and as I stepped out into the sunlight I found Frankie was bent over pulling at a particularly stubborn weed I stood for a moment admiring her amply round derriere.
It offered me the ideal opportunity for a grope so I deviated from my route and I grabbed a handful of her arse.
This was all the more stimulating as I was on the phone to the vicar at the time.
“Ok vicar I’ll see you shortly” I said before disconnecting
Normally Frankie would jump straight up and punch me but today she didn’t.
I remember thinking that was curious at the time.
“Morning Simon” she said still pulling at the weed
“Hi Frankie” I said still holding her bum cheek.
“Were you going somewhere?” she asked
“Yes the Vicarage” I said, absent-mindedly fondling her arse
I suddenly thought I need to stop and I reluctantly let go and she stood up.
“Where’s Maisie?” I asked
“Victoria has taken her up to London shopping” she replied
“She was very excited; she’s talked of nothing else all week”
As we talked I stood there giving her a thorough appraisal, the most noticeable thing once my gaze left her breasts was that she was wearing makeup, something I had never noticed before.
“You’d better go then” she said and smiled
“Ok see you later” I said breaking into a jog.
Once I was out of sight I slowed to a walk and pondered on what had occurred.
She didn’t hit me when I grabbed her arse,
She didn’t tell me to stop,
Or tell me to piss off,
Call me a lecherous git
Or wish me dead
And further more she smiled
She’d let me grab her arse; She’d tidied her hair, applied some slap and smiled at me.
That was completely out of character
Perhaps she was using psychology on me maybe this was just a ploy to throw me off guard
Or maybe I’d warn her down.
Anyway I made my way to the Vicarage and I looked forward to having another crack at my ginger prey next week.
I had been trying to get inside Frankie’s dungarees all year and had been knocked back every time.
At first glance she’s not an obvious choice for my advances, not an obvious candidate for my lust with Frankie being a bit of big chunky unit.
But with great-unfettered breasts and a shock of untamed red hair with armpits to match I found her strangely attractive.
It’s certainly not an "any port in a storm" situation I’m really not that shallow.
No I’m not a shallow person at all; I am a pervert that is beyond doubt.
Maybe the fact that she kept repelling my advances added to her allure, playing hard to get.
But every Friday I have tried to cop a feel of her ample unfettered tits and every Friday I have been thwarted.
However the more she resists the more I try to break that resistance.
As Sean Connery famously once said never say never.
The Church committee meeting lasted just over an hour; it was really just a reallocation of responsibilities.
Eleanor Overend whose shoes I was temporarily filling had to step down for a while.
Her husband Gerry, who had been ill for sometime had suddenly taken a turn for the worse and it was a distinct possibility he might not recover.
As I tramped back home through the woods thoughts reminding nu of my own mortality accompanied me on my journey and kind of put things in perspective and emphasized how petty my trials and weaknesses were.
As I reached my back garden I noticed all was not as I expected it to be, there were piles of weeds, discarded tools, and a wheelbarrow sitting in the middle of my lawn.
I couldn’t believe Frankie would go home and leave it in such a mess; I didn’t know what had gotten into her.
Then I spied Frankie in the garage and at first I was of a mind to read her the riot act but I opted instead to adopt a different tack and with great stealth I stalked my Ginger prey, who was bent salaciously, however unintentionally, over a lawnmower.
And as she stood up from her toil I slipped my hands inside her dungarees and aimed straight for her unfettered globes and past the point at which she normally thwarted me until I held the unrestrained prizes, feeling their exquisite weight.
“I thought your boyfriend wouldn’t like it?” I said as I squeezed her tits and kissed her neck.
“He’s not going to get it” she replied and pushed her arse against the growing bulge in my jeans.
She turned her head towards me and I bent to kiss her,
As our tongues became engaged I reluctantly released my grip on her jugs and slipped the braces of her dungarees off her shoulders and they fell to the ground with a clunk.
I stopped kissing her and we exchanged a look.
“Trowel” she said and thrust her tongue back in my mouth
Now I slipped my hands inside her tee shirt and roughly groped at her naked globes and teased her huge hairless nipples.
Frankie showed no sign of relinquishing my tongue so my right hand travelled south across her plump belly to her well pruned bush, it was still lush but not the wild beaver I had expected.
She was still rubbing the cheeks of arse against my bulge and managed to get a cheek either side of it so the lump in my trousers was rubbing up and down her bum crack.
She began moaning in my mouth at first softly but growing louder as my finger left her well trimmed shrubbery and I slipped them into her lathery trim.
Minutes later she could no longer sustain the marathon kiss and stood head back moaning uncontrollably like a wolf howling at the moon
I didn’t have to apply my digits for long before I creamed her till she came.
With her dungarees around her ankles I steered her penguin like towards the bench and bent her over it.
The big knickers of which I had had so many tantalizing glimpses over the past few months were the only thing between her ginger pussy and me.
I took a moment to look at the big blue pants cladding her buttocks and could plainly see the slowly growing dark patch.
I grabbed the waistband with both hands and yanked them off her arse as the gussets came away from her it sounded like a plaster being removed.
My cock was fit to burst through the denim if I hadn’t undone the zip.
Frankie was resting on her elbows as I grabbed her round hips and in one easy movement I penetrated her and judging by her vocal response very much to her satisfaction
I smiled as I thought to myself that I knew then what had gotten into her, it was me, right up to my balls.
She came up off her elbows and had her palms against the garage wall to brace herself.
This left her magnificent tits swinging so I cupped them as I pounded on her creamy pussy, the sound of her arse cheeks slapping against my belly was like applause.
So I pounded harder and faster.
The applause grew.
Her vocalizing grew
The pace grew
The wobble of her tits grew
Until to rapturous applause and what sounded like whale calls we both came.
And there she was Frankie, the Ginger gardener, with my twitching cock inside her and her big bulbous breasts in my hands.
We both let out a sigh as I eventually withdrew from her.
After we had redressed ourselves I went in the house and got a couple of cans of beer from the fridge.
I watched as Frankie gathered all her tools together and I smiled as I watched her walking with a strange open gait obviously suffering with sticky knickers.
When she had everything back in her van she came in the kitchen, took off her boots and sat at the table.
I handed her a beer.
“So how did I finally wear you down?” I asked
“You didn’t” Frankie replied
“What”? I said disbelievingly “Something changed”
“Something did,” she said enigmatically
“What”?
“I broke up with my boyfriend,” she said sadly
“Why?” I asked
“Well not because of you” she said sharply “if that’s what you’re thinking”
“I...” but she waved away my protests
“He was playing away” she said bitterly “all the while I was being faithful and beating you away with a stick when I really wanted to fuck your brains out; he was shagging some slutty barmaid”
“I’m sorry,” I said sincerely
“I don’t know why you’re sorry” she said, “You got what you wanted”
“So did you” I corrected her
“Well just don’t think this is going to become a regular thing, it was only revenge sex” Frankie lied
“How many times was he unfaithful?” I asked
“Twice” she replied, a puzzled look on her face “why”
“Well if you want an eye for an eye you’re still one shag short” I informed her
She stood up and climbed out of her dungarees and pulled her tee shirt off over her head and Frankie the gardener stood in my kitchen her bulbous breasts hanging naked and unrestrained.
While wearing only work socks and big blue knickers, which were more wet than dry, waiting for her seconds.
Sunday 14 October 2012
An Antidote To Writers Block (Part 25) Taking Wood On The 18th
I always looked forward to playing a round with Pandora and I mean that both in the golfing sense and the sexual.
And that morning was no exception however the latter was not to be that day.
I might have cast a casual eye over the lovely Pandora in my professional capacity as a writer of smutty fiction, merely with the dispassionate gaze of a researcher.
But I had sworn off any form of physical contact with her gorgeous body due to my having turned over a new leaf, I was now to become the partner Georgia deserved.
I wasn’t kidding myself into thinking that it would be easy but if I passed this test I could pass any.
Pandora was a very attractive woman, a very competent golfer and exceedingly good company so if I focused on the latter two of those and pushed any thoughts of sex to the back of my mind I couldn’t fail.
It was a pleasant morning; warmer than it had been the previous few days, but as those few days were actually very cool that wasn’t really saying much.
But the skies were predominantly blue, for now, with only broken cloud but the forecast had mentioned the possibility of thunder later in the day.
The wind had a slight chill to it but was fairly light and so wasn’t expected to affect anyone’s scorecards too much and I was expecting a pleasant round.
Considering the morning’s bright weather the course was very quiet.
We tee-ed off at 8.30 with no one waiting behind us and a couple of twosomes were at least a three or four of holes ahead
I think the majority had been put off by the mention of thunder.
Pandora herself was looking as lovely as the weather, “when did she not” I thought to myself, she wasn’t wearing her trade mark large peaked cap, but had gone for a grey flat cap with her shortish blonde hair scraped into a pony tail sticking out the back.
The rest of her outfit was as ever all matching and perfectly co-ordinated.
In deference to the coolness the short flared skirt and ankle socks
Had been replaced by a more autumnal outfit, a white cotton shirt, beneath a pale blue argyle cardigan, a knee length pleated skirt in the same grey fabric as her cap and long argyle socks, Her ensemble was then finished off with black brogue Golf shoes and a pale blue glove.
Damn she looked good, “this is going to be harder than I expected” I thought to myself.
Thankfully as she retrieved her ball from the cup on the first green it was not possible to see her knickers even when she bent over at the waist, and I ashamed to say I really tried hard.
This was lucky for me because since I had started writing bodice rippers, or as my mother likes to call them, soft porn
I seemed to be permanently horny and I looked at almost every woman with a renewed appreciation if not with a pornographer’s eye.
The added complication with a dish like Pandora was that I had already sampled the buffet and the al a carte.
However my horniness aside, Pandora was not merely a very attractive woman and even if I did not see with an erotic writers eye I would still appreciate her finer points, like the way her hips moved when she struck the ball, they way her tits kept moving after the ball had gone, the way she wiggled as she walked down the fairway and the way her buttocks clenched when she was preparing to putt.
That is what I had to contend with, that and so much more.
as we played our way around the course I came to appreciate just how much more attractive she was now that I had taken her off the menu, her body was nicely toned and she had a nice shape and over all gave every outward impression of being in very good order for a woman just turned forty, and I could testify that in this case that those outward looks were not deceiving.
Due to the distraction of Pandy and my nagging and persistent horniness I had managed to card a pretty average score, my excuse being that it was hard to concentrate on your game when you have a permanent hard on.
Pandora on the other hand was having a great round but by the time we reached the 15th tee and with Pandy 9 shots ahead of me the weather began to turn.
The early sun and blue skies were quickly swallowed up by a blanket grey cloud, that cloud had since darkened and was then distinctly inky, and distant rumbles of thunder could be heard.
So using the maxim that discretion is the better part of valour I conceded the round and we decided to call it a day.
The 14th green lay between the 15th and 18th Tees so we decided to play the 18th back to the clubhouse.
This was a relief in two ways firstly we should easily make it back before the storm broke and second it meant not playing the 17th which was the venue for one of our previous indiscretions.
A further relief would come when I got home and I dealt with my troublesome manhood.
The 18th was a par five dogleg, slightly down hill to the turn and then flat all the way to the green, with two decent iron shots.
With a firm straight drive it was possible to make the turn and give your self an unhindered second stroke.
I went first as I had won the previous hole and I hit a very decent shot right down the middle that kicked on nicely and scampered off down the hill, for me it was pretty well perfect.
Then Pandy hit hers and although she couldn’t out drive me she ended up only about 30 yards behind me and also perfectly positioned.
She played her second shot before me and caught it perfectly and sent it sailing off and landing plum in the middle of the fairway.
“Great shot Pand” I shouted
I caught my second rather well and landed only feet away from Pandora’s ball but it kicked up on impact and ended up in the light rough just on the edge of some very thick woodland.
"That was bad luck” said Pandy “I think you’re safe there though”
We collected our trolleys and headed off up the fairway just as the first drops of rain began to fall.
“We should just finish the hole in time” she said optimistically
“I’m not so sure” I replied doubtfully
When we reached our respective balls mine was sitting up quite nicely so I quickly selected a 5 iron and spanked it crisply to the edge of the green.
I put my club away and prepared to watch Pandora play her ball,
Well I watched her really, the wiggle of her buttocks the swirl of her pleats and that was when the heavens opened.
I took a few steps backwards beneath the dense foliage canopy.
“Come on Pand” I shouted “make a dash for it”
She grabbed her trolley with one hand and with her club in the other she ran towards me while I just stood there watching her tits bouncing inside her blouse.
“Come on” I called “you can keep dry under here”
And I withdrew deeper into the trees as she bowled under the cover of the trees.
“God that’s savage” she said
For a few moments we stood watching the rain fall like stair rods hammering into the ground as thunder rumbled nearby
“Are you ok” I asked
“Yes” she said with a chuckle “a bit damp but fine”
Then we walked a few more yards into the wood and sheltered beneath an old oak tree.
It was at that moment that I became aware of just how damp she was, the front of her shirt was soaked and I could see one plump round breast surmounted by a well erect nipple pushing through the wet fabric.
Pandora noticed what was drawing my attention and covered it promptly with her cardigan.
“Simon!” She snapped “is that all you think about?” and slapped me playfully
I wanted to say that I had tried all morning not to look at her in a sexual way and that I wanted to be faithful to my girlfriend and I didn’t want to stare at her almost naked tit, but it was such a beautiful tittie.
“I don’t think you got me under here to keep my dry” she said “you’re more interested in getting me wet”
And then she reached up and kissed me gently in a long warm liquid kiss then she broke away and smiled before kissing me again this time more urgently more animal and while her tongue was engaged in my mouth her hand was inside my trousers groping my cock.
And all the time a little voice was nagging at the back of my mind saying
“You shouldn’t be doing this”
Then a second voice yelled
“But she’s got her hand on your cock”
“What about the girl you love?” the first voice continued
“But this one has her hand on your cock” Screamed the second
“Think about Georgia” the quiet voice said
“Georgia hasn’t got her hand on your cock” came the other one
Suffice is to say the louder voice made some valuable points.
So I relinquished any lingering resistance and decided to give my undivided attention to the woman with her hand on my cock.
Instead of my previous passive participation I joined in with relish and she responded in kind, while or tongues darted and probed into each others mouths our hands were busy elsewhere.
Pandora had completely extricated my throbbing tool from my slacks and pants leaving me bare arsed and highly aroused.
My hands in the meantime had unbuttoned her shirt and were attempting to gain access to her magnificent tits only to be thwarted by another layer of fabric belonging to an undergarment of an undetermined nature,
It was thin and not unpleasant to the touch so I satisfied myself with groping her globes and teasing her nipples through the material.
Pandora was stroking my shaft with her gloved hand which was strangely erotic and a tad too pleasurable at that juncture to continue too much longer so I slid my hands down to her waist and began yanking her skirt up one handful at a time until I was able to reach my hands inside it and get both of them on her gorgeous arse.
She had relinquished her grip on my cock and her arms were around my neck as we continued to kiss, though less intensely.
I grabbed at her knickers and tried to pull them down but they resisted. I resolved that she was wearing a one piece.
Pandora disengaged her mouth from mine and burrowed her face in my neck instead.
The storm was still raging around us as I slipped my thumbs inside her knicker legs and with my fingers tracing the shape of her buttocks they followed the lace trim slowly towards the gusset were one at a time
One
Two
Three
Four
I popped the poppers and the last one was greeted with a great booming clap of thunder and a purring sigh from Pandy, and with the liberated flesh at my disposal my hands groped greedily at her meaty well defined cheeks.
As she nuzzled my neck my hands traversed her landscape until one hand paused on her soft belly poised to descend and as if to hasten its arrival Pandy began nibbling at my collar bone, my neck, my earlobe, and then her tongue was in my ear.
She trembled as my fingers crossed the threshold and drifted through her corn coloured bush.
She stopped licking my ear and gulped then my finger entered her creamy gash and she was well lathered up.
“ohhhh” she murmured
I thought back to what she said only minutes ago when she said
“I’m a bit damp but fine”
If this was her idea of a bit damp well….
Within seconds of my ministrations she was dripping and she started to wriggle and squirm as I frigged at her wet pussy.
As I continued she was moaning rhythmically to my touch, the tone of her moans was as hot and syrupy as her pussy.
She was gripping me hard around the neck and moaning as I continued to stroke her quim until she climaxed.
As I withdrew my now wet fingers she kissed my cheek then looked at me and smiled as I took a firm hold of rump and hoisted her up to my level.
“hello” she said cutely kissed me and then wrapped her arms tightly around me as I could feel my helmet brush the hair on her cunny and she moaned as my knob rubbed along her wet slit making her squirm and moan delightfully until she could wait no longer and her pelvis thrusted forward and slid down my shaft letting out the loudest moan of pleasure as she did so and her velvet juices immersed my member like warm honey as she moaned audibly with pleasure.
Lightning flashed as I pushed her back against the oak and as the rain pounded the earth I pounded her sweet pussy.
Her moans gave way to yelps and squeals growing ever more intense as my rhythm increased until her body shuddered and she screamed out so loud.
If there hadn’t been a thunderstorm they would have heard her come in Tollington.
I thought we might have to bring a halt to proceedings as she went limp in my arms as she purred her purr.
“Are you ok?” I asked softly
“I will be when you come in me”
To my delight she just needed to find her second wind and to gain some purchase.
Her gloved hand gripped a low bough while and her right forearm braced her weight on my shoulder this enabled her to be less passive and share some of the work load.
I knew it wouldn’t be long until she came again and I would join her this time.
Then she pushed down on me, the action accompanied by a low moan and with each successive thrust her moans grew louder and faster until in a panting moaning frenzy she came and I shot into her hot pussy and she let out a long languorous sigh.
I thrusted again, and again until my cock was twitching inside her hot comfortable cunt.
We stayed motionless holding onto the moment until we kissed and she sighed as I slowly withdrew my cock from her and lowered her to the ground.
After a prolonged hug we redressed ourselves, Pandora went behind a tree to adjust her undercarriage.
I always thought that kind of shyness was nice, keeping something private.
Then I heard her having a pee, something I always found strangely arousing.
Even while she was peeing Pandy was still periodically sighing.
I smiled as I tucked a folded hankie in my pants to make sure I got home without producing a wet patch on my trousers.
Pandy emerged from behind the tree as perfect in appearance as she had been before I shagged her brains out.
“Are you ok?” I asked
“Oh yes” she said very definitely and smiled coyly
“What a silly question”
“There is something though” she said
“What’s that?” I replied
“This” she said and planted a kiss on my lips
“Now” Pandora said quite business like, “we had better make a move, the storm has passed”
And she walked towards her trolley I could see she was a little unsteady on her feet, and when I thought about why her legs were unsteady my cock to twitched.
“Shall we have lunch?” she asked as she turned
I should have been feeling guilty I had only managed to keep my balls dry for two days and I had already broken my pledge.
But instead of feeling guilt I felt horny again.
“We could have lunch at mine” I suggested “and afters”
“I can’t,” she said regretfully
“But you want to?”
She didn’t answer, she just walked out to where her ball was laying and hit it with some venom and it landed two feet from the pin.
After we had both holed out on 18, Pandora with a birdie and me with a par, we shared something of an awkward moment.
We knew what we both wanted to happen; she wanted me to be with her to share in the afterglow I wanted her with me to share my bed.
“Are you sure?” I asked
“I’m sorry,” she said and forced a smile “I can’t”
Just then it started raining again and we went our separated ways Pandora ran towards the clubhouse and I ran across the fairway to go home.
I got absolutely soaked to the skin in my jog/trot for home and the first thing I did after putting the kettle on was change out of my wet clothes and into my dressing gown, I couldn’t believe in that short space of time that I could get soaked to the skin even my pants and the folded hankie got wet.
As the storm raged again I was sat in my kitchen drinking coffee and remembering making love to Pandora in the woods and just how good it felt to be inside her.
I drained my cup and thought a hot shower was next on the agenda when there was a light tapping on the kitchen window.
When I turned around all I could see was an umbrella, I opened the door and the umbrella tipped backwards to reveal a sodden Pandora.
“Come in, come in” I said
“You came”
“If you ask me that question later will I be able to answer yes?” she asked saucily and we both laughed.
She kicked off her shoes by the back door
“Well I think we need to get you out of those wet clothes” I advised
“You promised me lunch first” she said indignantly
“Do you want lunch first?” I queried
“No” she replied and not for the first time that day we kissed
Then I turned her around so her back was towards me and I slipped off the argyle cardigan as she looked up at me and I kissed her again as I unbuttoned her shirt.
She breathed in for me as I yanked the shirt tails from her waistband and threw it on the table, we stopped kissing and she just leaned back against me breathing deeply I glanced down and saw her breasts rising and falling as I undid her skirt.
With a little wiggle of her hips the skirt fell to the floor and she stepped out of it and turned to face me and there she stood a sight I thought I would never see Pandora Parkinson-Brown wearing an Ivory Teddy and long blue argyle socks, not stylish but deliciously cock throbbing.
The humour of the situation was not lost on Pandora and she smiled an indulgent smile. Then she undid the belt on my bath robe.
“Take it off” she ordered
I slipped it off and it fell to the floor, as it did so one hand began to caress my torso while the other took hold of my cock and tugged on it roughly.
Then she leant in towards me and kissed my skin and by the roughness of her tugging I knew it was time,
But before I had time to act her mobile went off and she got on her hands and knees rummaging amongst her clothes.
It was in the pocket of her skirt, she took it out and sat on a kitchen chair and answered it.
“Hi mum” she said absentmindedly stroking my dick
“Yes I’m still at the club”
“If you could pick them up that would be fab”
“I’m not sure how long” I held up a couple of fingers “would two hours be ok?”
“Brilliant, thanks mum, see you later bye”
“Two hours?” she said to me “what are we going to do for two hours”?
“come with me and I’ll show you” I said and led her by the hand and took her upstairs, once inside my bedroom she crawled onto the bed on all fours and I un-popped her gusset, then she pulled the garment over her hips exposing her round buttocks and her bejewelled Minge.
I quickly joined her on the bed and knelt behind her and gripped her hips and plunged into her hot juice
I slid my stiff shaft between her eager lips and as I went in up to my balls, breath left her like air escaping through a valve and the harder I pumped the courser the breath.
I reached up and yanked her Teddy forward liberating the wondrous inhabitants and once her ripe fruits were revealed I greedily groped and squeezed them as repeatedly penetrated her cunny.
Pandora turned her head and gave me a smile as I cupped her magnificent globes while I pumped in and out of her welcoming Minge.
Pandy was emitting low rasping moans in response to my penetrations as I drove on and on until she went rigid and then we came together, Pandora letting out a scream of satisfaction.
“OHHHHH” she exclaimed as my cock pulsed inside her
Then we collapsed breathless on the bed
“Can I have lunch now?” she panted
And that morning was no exception however the latter was not to be that day.
I might have cast a casual eye over the lovely Pandora in my professional capacity as a writer of smutty fiction, merely with the dispassionate gaze of a researcher.
But I had sworn off any form of physical contact with her gorgeous body due to my having turned over a new leaf, I was now to become the partner Georgia deserved.
I wasn’t kidding myself into thinking that it would be easy but if I passed this test I could pass any.
Pandora was a very attractive woman, a very competent golfer and exceedingly good company so if I focused on the latter two of those and pushed any thoughts of sex to the back of my mind I couldn’t fail.
It was a pleasant morning; warmer than it had been the previous few days, but as those few days were actually very cool that wasn’t really saying much.
But the skies were predominantly blue, for now, with only broken cloud but the forecast had mentioned the possibility of thunder later in the day.
The wind had a slight chill to it but was fairly light and so wasn’t expected to affect anyone’s scorecards too much and I was expecting a pleasant round.
Considering the morning’s bright weather the course was very quiet.
We tee-ed off at 8.30 with no one waiting behind us and a couple of twosomes were at least a three or four of holes ahead
I think the majority had been put off by the mention of thunder.
Pandora herself was looking as lovely as the weather, “when did she not” I thought to myself, she wasn’t wearing her trade mark large peaked cap, but had gone for a grey flat cap with her shortish blonde hair scraped into a pony tail sticking out the back.
The rest of her outfit was as ever all matching and perfectly co-ordinated.
In deference to the coolness the short flared skirt and ankle socks
Had been replaced by a more autumnal outfit, a white cotton shirt, beneath a pale blue argyle cardigan, a knee length pleated skirt in the same grey fabric as her cap and long argyle socks, Her ensemble was then finished off with black brogue Golf shoes and a pale blue glove.
Damn she looked good, “this is going to be harder than I expected” I thought to myself.
Thankfully as she retrieved her ball from the cup on the first green it was not possible to see her knickers even when she bent over at the waist, and I ashamed to say I really tried hard.
This was lucky for me because since I had started writing bodice rippers, or as my mother likes to call them, soft porn
I seemed to be permanently horny and I looked at almost every woman with a renewed appreciation if not with a pornographer’s eye.
The added complication with a dish like Pandora was that I had already sampled the buffet and the al a carte.
However my horniness aside, Pandora was not merely a very attractive woman and even if I did not see with an erotic writers eye I would still appreciate her finer points, like the way her hips moved when she struck the ball, they way her tits kept moving after the ball had gone, the way she wiggled as she walked down the fairway and the way her buttocks clenched when she was preparing to putt.
That is what I had to contend with, that and so much more.
as we played our way around the course I came to appreciate just how much more attractive she was now that I had taken her off the menu, her body was nicely toned and she had a nice shape and over all gave every outward impression of being in very good order for a woman just turned forty, and I could testify that in this case that those outward looks were not deceiving.
Due to the distraction of Pandy and my nagging and persistent horniness I had managed to card a pretty average score, my excuse being that it was hard to concentrate on your game when you have a permanent hard on.
Pandora on the other hand was having a great round but by the time we reached the 15th tee and with Pandy 9 shots ahead of me the weather began to turn.
The early sun and blue skies were quickly swallowed up by a blanket grey cloud, that cloud had since darkened and was then distinctly inky, and distant rumbles of thunder could be heard.
So using the maxim that discretion is the better part of valour I conceded the round and we decided to call it a day.
The 14th green lay between the 15th and 18th Tees so we decided to play the 18th back to the clubhouse.
This was a relief in two ways firstly we should easily make it back before the storm broke and second it meant not playing the 17th which was the venue for one of our previous indiscretions.
A further relief would come when I got home and I dealt with my troublesome manhood.
The 18th was a par five dogleg, slightly down hill to the turn and then flat all the way to the green, with two decent iron shots.
With a firm straight drive it was possible to make the turn and give your self an unhindered second stroke.
I went first as I had won the previous hole and I hit a very decent shot right down the middle that kicked on nicely and scampered off down the hill, for me it was pretty well perfect.
Then Pandy hit hers and although she couldn’t out drive me she ended up only about 30 yards behind me and also perfectly positioned.
She played her second shot before me and caught it perfectly and sent it sailing off and landing plum in the middle of the fairway.
“Great shot Pand” I shouted
I caught my second rather well and landed only feet away from Pandora’s ball but it kicked up on impact and ended up in the light rough just on the edge of some very thick woodland.
"That was bad luck” said Pandy “I think you’re safe there though”
We collected our trolleys and headed off up the fairway just as the first drops of rain began to fall.
“We should just finish the hole in time” she said optimistically
“I’m not so sure” I replied doubtfully
When we reached our respective balls mine was sitting up quite nicely so I quickly selected a 5 iron and spanked it crisply to the edge of the green.
I put my club away and prepared to watch Pandora play her ball,
Well I watched her really, the wiggle of her buttocks the swirl of her pleats and that was when the heavens opened.
I took a few steps backwards beneath the dense foliage canopy.
“Come on Pand” I shouted “make a dash for it”
She grabbed her trolley with one hand and with her club in the other she ran towards me while I just stood there watching her tits bouncing inside her blouse.
“Come on” I called “you can keep dry under here”
And I withdrew deeper into the trees as she bowled under the cover of the trees.
“God that’s savage” she said
For a few moments we stood watching the rain fall like stair rods hammering into the ground as thunder rumbled nearby
“Are you ok” I asked
“Yes” she said with a chuckle “a bit damp but fine”
Then we walked a few more yards into the wood and sheltered beneath an old oak tree.
It was at that moment that I became aware of just how damp she was, the front of her shirt was soaked and I could see one plump round breast surmounted by a well erect nipple pushing through the wet fabric.
Pandora noticed what was drawing my attention and covered it promptly with her cardigan.
“Simon!” She snapped “is that all you think about?” and slapped me playfully
I wanted to say that I had tried all morning not to look at her in a sexual way and that I wanted to be faithful to my girlfriend and I didn’t want to stare at her almost naked tit, but it was such a beautiful tittie.
“I don’t think you got me under here to keep my dry” she said “you’re more interested in getting me wet”
And then she reached up and kissed me gently in a long warm liquid kiss then she broke away and smiled before kissing me again this time more urgently more animal and while her tongue was engaged in my mouth her hand was inside my trousers groping my cock.
And all the time a little voice was nagging at the back of my mind saying
“You shouldn’t be doing this”
Then a second voice yelled
“But she’s got her hand on your cock”
“What about the girl you love?” the first voice continued
“But this one has her hand on your cock” Screamed the second
“Think about Georgia” the quiet voice said
“Georgia hasn’t got her hand on your cock” came the other one
Suffice is to say the louder voice made some valuable points.
So I relinquished any lingering resistance and decided to give my undivided attention to the woman with her hand on my cock.
Instead of my previous passive participation I joined in with relish and she responded in kind, while or tongues darted and probed into each others mouths our hands were busy elsewhere.
Pandora had completely extricated my throbbing tool from my slacks and pants leaving me bare arsed and highly aroused.
My hands in the meantime had unbuttoned her shirt and were attempting to gain access to her magnificent tits only to be thwarted by another layer of fabric belonging to an undergarment of an undetermined nature,
It was thin and not unpleasant to the touch so I satisfied myself with groping her globes and teasing her nipples through the material.
Pandora was stroking my shaft with her gloved hand which was strangely erotic and a tad too pleasurable at that juncture to continue too much longer so I slid my hands down to her waist and began yanking her skirt up one handful at a time until I was able to reach my hands inside it and get both of them on her gorgeous arse.
She had relinquished her grip on my cock and her arms were around my neck as we continued to kiss, though less intensely.
I grabbed at her knickers and tried to pull them down but they resisted. I resolved that she was wearing a one piece.
Pandora disengaged her mouth from mine and burrowed her face in my neck instead.
The storm was still raging around us as I slipped my thumbs inside her knicker legs and with my fingers tracing the shape of her buttocks they followed the lace trim slowly towards the gusset were one at a time
One
Two
Three
Four
I popped the poppers and the last one was greeted with a great booming clap of thunder and a purring sigh from Pandy, and with the liberated flesh at my disposal my hands groped greedily at her meaty well defined cheeks.
As she nuzzled my neck my hands traversed her landscape until one hand paused on her soft belly poised to descend and as if to hasten its arrival Pandy began nibbling at my collar bone, my neck, my earlobe, and then her tongue was in my ear.
She trembled as my fingers crossed the threshold and drifted through her corn coloured bush.
She stopped licking my ear and gulped then my finger entered her creamy gash and she was well lathered up.
“ohhhh” she murmured
I thought back to what she said only minutes ago when she said
“I’m a bit damp but fine”
If this was her idea of a bit damp well….
Within seconds of my ministrations she was dripping and she started to wriggle and squirm as I frigged at her wet pussy.
As I continued she was moaning rhythmically to my touch, the tone of her moans was as hot and syrupy as her pussy.
She was gripping me hard around the neck and moaning as I continued to stroke her quim until she climaxed.
As I withdrew my now wet fingers she kissed my cheek then looked at me and smiled as I took a firm hold of rump and hoisted her up to my level.
“hello” she said cutely kissed me and then wrapped her arms tightly around me as I could feel my helmet brush the hair on her cunny and she moaned as my knob rubbed along her wet slit making her squirm and moan delightfully until she could wait no longer and her pelvis thrusted forward and slid down my shaft letting out the loudest moan of pleasure as she did so and her velvet juices immersed my member like warm honey as she moaned audibly with pleasure.
Lightning flashed as I pushed her back against the oak and as the rain pounded the earth I pounded her sweet pussy.
Her moans gave way to yelps and squeals growing ever more intense as my rhythm increased until her body shuddered and she screamed out so loud.
If there hadn’t been a thunderstorm they would have heard her come in Tollington.
I thought we might have to bring a halt to proceedings as she went limp in my arms as she purred her purr.
“Are you ok?” I asked softly
“I will be when you come in me”
To my delight she just needed to find her second wind and to gain some purchase.
Her gloved hand gripped a low bough while and her right forearm braced her weight on my shoulder this enabled her to be less passive and share some of the work load.
I knew it wouldn’t be long until she came again and I would join her this time.
Then she pushed down on me, the action accompanied by a low moan and with each successive thrust her moans grew louder and faster until in a panting moaning frenzy she came and I shot into her hot pussy and she let out a long languorous sigh.
I thrusted again, and again until my cock was twitching inside her hot comfortable cunt.
We stayed motionless holding onto the moment until we kissed and she sighed as I slowly withdrew my cock from her and lowered her to the ground.
After a prolonged hug we redressed ourselves, Pandora went behind a tree to adjust her undercarriage.
I always thought that kind of shyness was nice, keeping something private.
Then I heard her having a pee, something I always found strangely arousing.
Even while she was peeing Pandy was still periodically sighing.
I smiled as I tucked a folded hankie in my pants to make sure I got home without producing a wet patch on my trousers.
Pandy emerged from behind the tree as perfect in appearance as she had been before I shagged her brains out.
“Are you ok?” I asked
“Oh yes” she said very definitely and smiled coyly
“What a silly question”
“There is something though” she said
“What’s that?” I replied
“This” she said and planted a kiss on my lips
“Now” Pandora said quite business like, “we had better make a move, the storm has passed”
And she walked towards her trolley I could see she was a little unsteady on her feet, and when I thought about why her legs were unsteady my cock to twitched.
“Shall we have lunch?” she asked as she turned
I should have been feeling guilty I had only managed to keep my balls dry for two days and I had already broken my pledge.
But instead of feeling guilt I felt horny again.
“We could have lunch at mine” I suggested “and afters”
“I can’t,” she said regretfully
“But you want to?”
She didn’t answer, she just walked out to where her ball was laying and hit it with some venom and it landed two feet from the pin.
After we had both holed out on 18, Pandora with a birdie and me with a par, we shared something of an awkward moment.
We knew what we both wanted to happen; she wanted me to be with her to share in the afterglow I wanted her with me to share my bed.
“Are you sure?” I asked
“I’m sorry,” she said and forced a smile “I can’t”
Just then it started raining again and we went our separated ways Pandora ran towards the clubhouse and I ran across the fairway to go home.
I got absolutely soaked to the skin in my jog/trot for home and the first thing I did after putting the kettle on was change out of my wet clothes and into my dressing gown, I couldn’t believe in that short space of time that I could get soaked to the skin even my pants and the folded hankie got wet.
As the storm raged again I was sat in my kitchen drinking coffee and remembering making love to Pandora in the woods and just how good it felt to be inside her.
I drained my cup and thought a hot shower was next on the agenda when there was a light tapping on the kitchen window.
When I turned around all I could see was an umbrella, I opened the door and the umbrella tipped backwards to reveal a sodden Pandora.
“Come in, come in” I said
“You came”
“If you ask me that question later will I be able to answer yes?” she asked saucily and we both laughed.
She kicked off her shoes by the back door
“Well I think we need to get you out of those wet clothes” I advised
“You promised me lunch first” she said indignantly
“Do you want lunch first?” I queried
“No” she replied and not for the first time that day we kissed
Then I turned her around so her back was towards me and I slipped off the argyle cardigan as she looked up at me and I kissed her again as I unbuttoned her shirt.
She breathed in for me as I yanked the shirt tails from her waistband and threw it on the table, we stopped kissing and she just leaned back against me breathing deeply I glanced down and saw her breasts rising and falling as I undid her skirt.
With a little wiggle of her hips the skirt fell to the floor and she stepped out of it and turned to face me and there she stood a sight I thought I would never see Pandora Parkinson-Brown wearing an Ivory Teddy and long blue argyle socks, not stylish but deliciously cock throbbing.
The humour of the situation was not lost on Pandora and she smiled an indulgent smile. Then she undid the belt on my bath robe.
“Take it off” she ordered
I slipped it off and it fell to the floor, as it did so one hand began to caress my torso while the other took hold of my cock and tugged on it roughly.
Then she leant in towards me and kissed my skin and by the roughness of her tugging I knew it was time,
But before I had time to act her mobile went off and she got on her hands and knees rummaging amongst her clothes.
It was in the pocket of her skirt, she took it out and sat on a kitchen chair and answered it.
“Hi mum” she said absentmindedly stroking my dick
“Yes I’m still at the club”
“If you could pick them up that would be fab”
“I’m not sure how long” I held up a couple of fingers “would two hours be ok?”
“Brilliant, thanks mum, see you later bye”
“Two hours?” she said to me “what are we going to do for two hours”?
“come with me and I’ll show you” I said and led her by the hand and took her upstairs, once inside my bedroom she crawled onto the bed on all fours and I un-popped her gusset, then she pulled the garment over her hips exposing her round buttocks and her bejewelled Minge.
I quickly joined her on the bed and knelt behind her and gripped her hips and plunged into her hot juice
I slid my stiff shaft between her eager lips and as I went in up to my balls, breath left her like air escaping through a valve and the harder I pumped the courser the breath.
I reached up and yanked her Teddy forward liberating the wondrous inhabitants and once her ripe fruits were revealed I greedily groped and squeezed them as repeatedly penetrated her cunny.
Pandora turned her head and gave me a smile as I cupped her magnificent globes while I pumped in and out of her welcoming Minge.
Pandy was emitting low rasping moans in response to my penetrations as I drove on and on until she went rigid and then we came together, Pandora letting out a scream of satisfaction.
“OHHHHH” she exclaimed as my cock pulsed inside her
Then we collapsed breathless on the bed
“Can I have lunch now?” she panted
An Antidote To Writers Block (Part 24) A Spell Of Inclement Weather
On Saturday morning the rain had come once again with a vengeance and added to the gloom I already felt.
However the day had begun in a quite different way, when early in the morning, just after dawn, Georgia woke me up for the first of the two long lingering farewell fucks,
Neither managed to rival the raw intensity of the previous nights cavorting but they were still toe curlingly good.
I had wanted to walk Georgie home but she insisted we said goodbye at mine and after a long loving embrace we parted and I watched her disappear into the rain.
I spent the rest of the day and much of the day after trying not to think about Georgia but inevitably the more I tried not to think of her the more I did.
I also thought very deeply about what she had said to me and I was determined to break the destructive cycle of my philandering.
But it was not an easy thing to do, my very work was dependent on sex, in fact it was fed by sex, but it also fuelled my pursuit of more experiences to feed back into my writing.
That was going to be difficult to address but let’s get one thing straight right from the get go, I am not now nor have I ever been addicted to sex.
Sexual addiction is just an excuse used by horny men who can’t keep it in their pants.
I suppose I just lacked self-control it isn’t an addiction, it’s a weakness although up to that point in time I hadn’t wanted to control it.
I just have to be strong this of course was much easier to do when cut off from the temptations of the flesh.
However by Sunday afternoon I was getting a bit stir crazy and when there was a break in the weather and the sun actually put in an appearance I decided to take a stroll around the village.
I stepped out of my front door felling the sun on my face for the first time in days and I thought it would be nice to see another human being as I walked briskly down the path before turning left.
The first people I saw were Victoria and Maisie who were both laughing as they pottered around in Victoria’s front garden.
It had only been a week since Maisie had moved in and it seemed like they were getting on famously.
The way they behaved around each other it looked like they’d known each other forever and it certainly didn’t look like there was over 30 years between them.
“Hello girls” I called as I gave them a wave.
“Hello” they said in unison as they both waved back.
“Are you coming in for tea?” called Victoria
“Maybe on the way back” I suggested
“Ok” she replied cheerily
As I carried on down the road the perfect image of firm friends enjoying each other’s company was replaced by images of Victoria and Maisie’s naked bodies as they frolicked in the garden.
It was like I’d tuned my brain into a porn channel like when your old radio sometimes picks up taxi banter but I couldn’t tune it out.
Around the next corner I saw Shulah outside the corner shop serving a customer with fruit and veg, she smiled at me coyly and I wondered if she was remembering that day at the swimming baths, and I could instantly picture her sitting naked on my lap with her plump little fruits in my hands.
I smiled back and tried to ignore the tell tale trouser tickle in my pants.
I pressed on past the shop trying to clear the viewer in my head then the naked image of Shula faded only to be replaced with the former flirty virgins, Emily and Jenny, cavorting naked in my study save for sundry items of lace and silk.
I had only caught the merest glimpse of them crossing the car park towards the station but it was enough.
Luckily they had not seen me because if they had got in close proximity the resulting visual display in my head would have probably caused me to cream my pants.
I picked up the walking pace and tried desperately to think pure thoughts but to no avail.
I even tried the old favourite passion killer, English Test Cricket, I went through the mental list of the field positions, County Cricket grounds, and the full array of bowling actions I even listed the English team captains from 1960 to the present day but I still couldn’t turn off the stream of porn.
It was only the sound of a car horn that ended the Technicolor orgy in my head.
When I looked round I saw it was Dr Andrews, out on a call I presumed, she gave me a wave and drove past, but that was enough and there she was, her beautiful naked body beneath me, on top of me, on all fours, in the shower, against a wall.
“Hello Mr Fisher” a voice said bringing me back to the present I looked round to see India Carrington trotting down the road on her horse her pert little bottom bouncing on the saddle, and instantly it was her naked arse bouncing up and down on my cock.
I realised my trip round the village was ill advised and wondered if I was going to see a woman that I hadn’t shagged before I reached home.
I rushed homeward wishing I’d not come out at all, while Claire Andrews sat writhing on my face.
Then as I rushed headlong round a corner I met the Vicar coming the other way and we both ended up on our backsides.
“I’m so sorry” I said getting quickly to my feet and proffering a hand to the prostrate Vicar which she took.
“Nonsense” she replied, “I wasn’t looking where I was going my mind was else where”.
“Mine too” I said “are you ok? Are you hurt?”
“Only my pride” she replied
We dusted ourselves off and there was a brief moment of awkwardness as the spectre of our drunken near miss a few days earlier when she offered it to me on a plate and I walked away.
“Anyway” she said “Duties to perform”
“Yes” I agreed “things to do”
And we parted company as clumsily as we had come together.
One good thing that did come out of our meeting was it managed to erase the bank of erotic images from my mind, if only temporarily.
On my journey home I found it quite remarkable just how many women of the village were wandering the streets and lanes of Bushy Down despite the inclement weather.
These ladies of mixed ages and physical dimensions all dressed in their Sunday best were soon undressed in my head by varying degrees in my lurid imaginings.
Dancing in a synchronised display of exotic dancing to a camp version of Singing in the rain.
And to a woman every one of them smiled pleasantly at me as we passed, and I thought you would not be smiling politely at me if you could see inside my head.
All of these ladies had not had the pleasure of my services nor I the pleasure of theirs so the images of their nakedness was all conjured up in my mind, but I do have a very fertile and vivid imagination.
I was relieved to finally reach my front door without exploding in my underwear.
In the quiet of my study I sat and thought, as I nursed a large brandy, of the tortuous events of the day, in particular Reverend Katy Oliver and her sexual offertory and I concluded that being tempted by the Vicar was obviously a test and I had passed it with flying colours.
Also the pornographic pictures in my head of the women I had done as well as some of the ones I would still like to do, they were also tests of my resolve which I thought smugly, I had also passed.
However my big test would come on Monday when I spent the day playing golf with Pandora Parkinson-Brown.
However the day had begun in a quite different way, when early in the morning, just after dawn, Georgia woke me up for the first of the two long lingering farewell fucks,
Neither managed to rival the raw intensity of the previous nights cavorting but they were still toe curlingly good.
I had wanted to walk Georgie home but she insisted we said goodbye at mine and after a long loving embrace we parted and I watched her disappear into the rain.
I spent the rest of the day and much of the day after trying not to think about Georgia but inevitably the more I tried not to think of her the more I did.
I also thought very deeply about what she had said to me and I was determined to break the destructive cycle of my philandering.
But it was not an easy thing to do, my very work was dependent on sex, in fact it was fed by sex, but it also fuelled my pursuit of more experiences to feed back into my writing.
That was going to be difficult to address but let’s get one thing straight right from the get go, I am not now nor have I ever been addicted to sex.
Sexual addiction is just an excuse used by horny men who can’t keep it in their pants.
I suppose I just lacked self-control it isn’t an addiction, it’s a weakness although up to that point in time I hadn’t wanted to control it.
I just have to be strong this of course was much easier to do when cut off from the temptations of the flesh.
However by Sunday afternoon I was getting a bit stir crazy and when there was a break in the weather and the sun actually put in an appearance I decided to take a stroll around the village.
I stepped out of my front door felling the sun on my face for the first time in days and I thought it would be nice to see another human being as I walked briskly down the path before turning left.
The first people I saw were Victoria and Maisie who were both laughing as they pottered around in Victoria’s front garden.
It had only been a week since Maisie had moved in and it seemed like they were getting on famously.
The way they behaved around each other it looked like they’d known each other forever and it certainly didn’t look like there was over 30 years between them.
“Hello girls” I called as I gave them a wave.
“Hello” they said in unison as they both waved back.
“Are you coming in for tea?” called Victoria
“Maybe on the way back” I suggested
“Ok” she replied cheerily
As I carried on down the road the perfect image of firm friends enjoying each other’s company was replaced by images of Victoria and Maisie’s naked bodies as they frolicked in the garden.
It was like I’d tuned my brain into a porn channel like when your old radio sometimes picks up taxi banter but I couldn’t tune it out.
Around the next corner I saw Shulah outside the corner shop serving a customer with fruit and veg, she smiled at me coyly and I wondered if she was remembering that day at the swimming baths, and I could instantly picture her sitting naked on my lap with her plump little fruits in my hands.
I smiled back and tried to ignore the tell tale trouser tickle in my pants.
I pressed on past the shop trying to clear the viewer in my head then the naked image of Shula faded only to be replaced with the former flirty virgins, Emily and Jenny, cavorting naked in my study save for sundry items of lace and silk.
I had only caught the merest glimpse of them crossing the car park towards the station but it was enough.
Luckily they had not seen me because if they had got in close proximity the resulting visual display in my head would have probably caused me to cream my pants.
I picked up the walking pace and tried desperately to think pure thoughts but to no avail.
I even tried the old favourite passion killer, English Test Cricket, I went through the mental list of the field positions, County Cricket grounds, and the full array of bowling actions I even listed the English team captains from 1960 to the present day but I still couldn’t turn off the stream of porn.
It was only the sound of a car horn that ended the Technicolor orgy in my head.
When I looked round I saw it was Dr Andrews, out on a call I presumed, she gave me a wave and drove past, but that was enough and there she was, her beautiful naked body beneath me, on top of me, on all fours, in the shower, against a wall.
“Hello Mr Fisher” a voice said bringing me back to the present I looked round to see India Carrington trotting down the road on her horse her pert little bottom bouncing on the saddle, and instantly it was her naked arse bouncing up and down on my cock.
I realised my trip round the village was ill advised and wondered if I was going to see a woman that I hadn’t shagged before I reached home.
I rushed homeward wishing I’d not come out at all, while Claire Andrews sat writhing on my face.
Then as I rushed headlong round a corner I met the Vicar coming the other way and we both ended up on our backsides.
“I’m so sorry” I said getting quickly to my feet and proffering a hand to the prostrate Vicar which she took.
“Nonsense” she replied, “I wasn’t looking where I was going my mind was else where”.
“Mine too” I said “are you ok? Are you hurt?”
“Only my pride” she replied
We dusted ourselves off and there was a brief moment of awkwardness as the spectre of our drunken near miss a few days earlier when she offered it to me on a plate and I walked away.
“Anyway” she said “Duties to perform”
“Yes” I agreed “things to do”
And we parted company as clumsily as we had come together.
One good thing that did come out of our meeting was it managed to erase the bank of erotic images from my mind, if only temporarily.
On my journey home I found it quite remarkable just how many women of the village were wandering the streets and lanes of Bushy Down despite the inclement weather.
These ladies of mixed ages and physical dimensions all dressed in their Sunday best were soon undressed in my head by varying degrees in my lurid imaginings.
Dancing in a synchronised display of exotic dancing to a camp version of Singing in the rain.
And to a woman every one of them smiled pleasantly at me as we passed, and I thought you would not be smiling politely at me if you could see inside my head.
All of these ladies had not had the pleasure of my services nor I the pleasure of theirs so the images of their nakedness was all conjured up in my mind, but I do have a very fertile and vivid imagination.
I was relieved to finally reach my front door without exploding in my underwear.
In the quiet of my study I sat and thought, as I nursed a large brandy, of the tortuous events of the day, in particular Reverend Katy Oliver and her sexual offertory and I concluded that being tempted by the Vicar was obviously a test and I had passed it with flying colours.
Also the pornographic pictures in my head of the women I had done as well as some of the ones I would still like to do, they were also tests of my resolve which I thought smugly, I had also passed.
However my big test would come on Monday when I spent the day playing golf with Pandora Parkinson-Brown.
An Antidote To Writers Block (Part 23) Playing Cat And Mouse
Following a boozy lunchtime session with of all people the Vicar, Katy Oliver; I managed to sleep the afternoon away on the sofa.
I woke about six o'clock a little groggy and un-refreshed after a fitful sleep interspersed with erotic snippets of the Reverend Oliver in various states of undress and debauchment which left me semi aroused.
A hot shower refreshed me and cured the grogginess and brought me back to the world but also turned my semi arousal to a full blown erection.
I did think to tame the beast and save it for Georgia but in the end I chose to deal with it in the shower as I was sure I could conjure up another one for Georgia later.
When the door bell chimed at 7.30 I was showered, shaved, scented and spanked off.
I opened the front door not knowing who to expect and was surprised to find it was Georgia.
“Hi babe” I said with surprise “Did you forget your key?”
She stepped inside and we kissed, her coat was soaked, I took it off her shoulders as she slipped her woolly socked feet out of her wellies.
“No” she replied, “I just don’t like using it”
Georgia was wearing a denim skirt, a pale blue blouse and a white cardigan.
“Why not?” I asked but she just shrugged
When we were sat on the sofa I produced a takeaway menu from the draw and she produced a handful of DVDs from her bag.
“I brought a selection” Georgia said
“That’s not what I had in mind when I suggested a night in” I said
“Nor me” she replied “but you have been beaten to the prize by the cotton mouse I’m afraid”
“Bum” I said
“Absolutely not” she snapped
We had greedily dispatched our Chinese takeaway and were cuddled up on the sofa, half way through the credits of a Sandra Bullock movie called “The Lake House,” I definitely would by the way, when Georgia suddenly said
“Do you remember a few months ago when I said I didn’t mind you shagging other women”?
“Yes” I said cautiously “but…”
“And I know you still are so don’t bother trying to deny it” she said sternly
I went to speak but she stopped me
“I don’t know who, though I have my suspicions”, she said flatly
“And I don’t think I want to know but I know you’re sleeping with other women” she paused
“And as I said last time I don’t mind”
She paused again
“For now, but there will come a time in the not to distant future when I will”
“I love you and I’m certain sure of that, and I know you say you love me but I’m not so sure of that”
“But I do love you” I said taking her hand
“But you don’t love me as completely as I love you” taking her hand away “you are enough for me, but clearly I’m not enough for you”
I tried to speak again but again she stopped me so I got up and paced the room
“So you have until January to sow your wild oats or to curb your appetites or whatever it is you do”
“But by my 21st birthday I need to feel your commitment“
I went to speak
“And no that’s not a euphemism” she said without humour “you need to want me and me alone”
“And that’s all I have to say” she said, I was cleared to speak now but I didn’t know what to say I wanted to say don’t be silly you’re the only one for me but I knew I was a dog.
I knew that I was getting plenty and I was liking that but if I wanted to keep the girl I loved it was obvious I would have to change.
“Is that why you don’t use the door key?” I asked
Georgia was on her knees removing the DVD and I perched on the arm of the sofa just watching her almost in a daze.
“Yes” she replied without turning round
“Because…” she began but couldn’t finish
“You don’t want to catch me with another woman” I finished her sentence
She carried on what she was doing slowly and deliberately.
I was a little shocked. firstly because and I know it sound silly but it never occurred to me for a moment that I couldn’t have my cake and eat it, and secondly although I knew I loved Georgia more than I had ever loved anyone I didn’t realise quite how much that was until that moment when I realised I could lose her..
The prospect of losing her stunned me and I knew I had to make changes in my life.
It occurred to me then that the Reverend Oliver’s drunken invitation to party that afternoon was clearly a test and I had passed with flying colours and that, I thought, is how I must approach each temptation, a test which must be passed.
Georgia finished putting the DVD in its box and switched off the TV
“Don’t look so glum” she said as She stood up
“I’m not giving up on you yet”
“We’ve dealt with the serious bit,” she said slipping off her cardigan
“Now we get to do the fun stuff”
And she walked towards me unbuttoning her blouse as she did so until by the time she was stood in front of me her pert unfettered tits were in my face.
“I thought you had a visitor?” I said before taking one erect nipple in my mouth
“I lied,” she said sucking air in between her teeth
I stopped sucking and ejected her nipple like a babe spitting out its dummy
“Why?” I said indignantly before returning to my task.
“Because I wanted you to hear what I had to say before all the blood left your brain to feed this,” she replied sliding her hand down to my crotch.
She squeezed around the folds of denim in the general area of where my erection should have been.
“Where is it?” she said and began undoing my trousers.
Once she had both unbuttoned and unzipped them she fell to her knees and began yanking my jeans and pants off before discarding them behind her then she knelt in front of me looking at my timid little soldier who lacked enough substance even to be a semi.
“I think someone is reluctant to join the party” Georgia said and began to encourage its participation orally, and I don’t mean she was talking to it.
It didn’t take very much effort on Georgia’s part to rally the troops, one good slurp was enough to be honest then Georgie pulled on my shaft, dragging the foreskin back to expose my purple helmet and before long my little soldier had risen through the ranks from Private part to Major hard on.
“Oh yes Georgie” I gasped out as I looked down at her brunette haired head moving expertly on my shaft while she played with my balls.
My cock was throbbing now and there was an ache dwelling deep in my balls
georgia obviously felt my growing arousal and disengaged her mouth from my cock with a distinct slurp and she wiped her mouth on the sleeve of her blouse
Then she hitched up her denim skirt and she climbed onto my lap exposing a good portion of her fluffy brown bush
“You have no knickers on” I said “again”
She just chuckled as she unzipped her skirt so she could hitch it further.
“You’re making a habit of not wearing any drawers” I said
“If I put them on you have them around my ankles in seconds” she said innocently
“Anyway you know you like it you dirty old man”
She looked down at my cock still moist with her saliva and standing tall and proud due to her oral attentions.
The front of her blouse was open to the waist and this left her beautiful breasts exposed nipples standing proud for me to caress.
Then she gave me a smile as she slithered down on me before letting out a long breathy sigh.
She wrapped her arms tightly around my neck and then rode me hard, pounding her velvety wet pussy on my shaft, her pelvis pumping on my piston frenetically.
My hands gripped her firm buttocks as they rose and fell on me her squeals and moans in my ear through gritted teeth growing in intensity as the pace quickened.
Then she missed a beat as her foot slipped and she lost purchase.
But instead of resenting herself she kissed me and smiled
“if you want more you’ll have to catch me”
And she slipped off my shaft and was away out the door heading for the stairs
I leapt up from my prone position in chase but she had a head start on me.
But as she turned to go up the stairs she lost traction on the laminate floor in her stockined feet Which gave me sufficient time to close the distance.
Georgia was giggling As she began to scramble up the stairs crab like and she squealed as I grabbed her left leg by the knee and halted her progress.
This gave me the chance to grasp her firmly by the hips and pulling her towards me I penetrated her hot cunny.
She moaned loudly as I deeply speared her and as stroke followed stroke her cunny came to meet each penetration.
Until the moment when I was distracted by the pitch and volume of her pleasurable moaning, and instead of thrusting onto me she pulled away and made a bid to escape before I knew what was happening, I tried to grab her but only managed to grab a hold of her denim skirt which she managed to wriggle out of as she scampered up the stairs.
She was sitting triumphantly on the top stair wearing only a pair of knee length socks and an unbuttoned blouse.
“come on then, if you think you’re man enough” she said taunting me as she slipped her blouse off her shoulders
Then she spread her legs wide and I could see her juices glistening on her moist lips even before she slipped her finger down her crack.
This had turned into a game of cat and mouse where Georgia was both the mouse and the pussy.
She was still fingering herself with one hand and holding her blouse in the other when she raised it above her head and prepared to throw it at me and as she launched it at me I took my chance and sprinted up the stairs before she had a chance to reset herself, even so she nearly made it, I only just managed to grasp her ankle and prevent her escape.
She wriggled and squealed as I pulled her back to the top stair by the leg. Until her buttocks rested on the brow
I was kneeling on the second step with her cunny now at cock height and I wasted no time in urgently penetrating her juicy pussy and Georgia exhaled a low animal grunt And she grunted louder with each successive length I gave her.
My hands were on her hips but I moved them to her beautiful titties.
I knew she was going nowhere as Her legs locked around my body and she continued to grunt, squeal and yelp.
The length of stroke was shortening and The squeals were turning to deep moans
I thrusted Quicker and quicker
Her moans became more urgent, more guttural, and more animal
Faster and faster I pounded
Louder and louder she moaned
Writhing and wriggling
Gasping and panting
Quicker and quicker
Louder and louder
And then in perfect symmetry as Georgia’s whole body seemed to go into spasm she came with an animal yell as my cock pulsed and twitched as It ejaculated into her.
We held that position with her pussy hugging my cock for a few minutes.
“God that was the best yet” Georgie said and then let out a fruity chuckle which flexed her grip around my shaft as if she was milking the last drop from me.
I woke about six o'clock a little groggy and un-refreshed after a fitful sleep interspersed with erotic snippets of the Reverend Oliver in various states of undress and debauchment which left me semi aroused.
A hot shower refreshed me and cured the grogginess and brought me back to the world but also turned my semi arousal to a full blown erection.
I did think to tame the beast and save it for Georgia but in the end I chose to deal with it in the shower as I was sure I could conjure up another one for Georgia later.
When the door bell chimed at 7.30 I was showered, shaved, scented and spanked off.
I opened the front door not knowing who to expect and was surprised to find it was Georgia.
“Hi babe” I said with surprise “Did you forget your key?”
She stepped inside and we kissed, her coat was soaked, I took it off her shoulders as she slipped her woolly socked feet out of her wellies.
“No” she replied, “I just don’t like using it”
Georgia was wearing a denim skirt, a pale blue blouse and a white cardigan.
“Why not?” I asked but she just shrugged
When we were sat on the sofa I produced a takeaway menu from the draw and she produced a handful of DVDs from her bag.
“I brought a selection” Georgia said
“That’s not what I had in mind when I suggested a night in” I said
“Nor me” she replied “but you have been beaten to the prize by the cotton mouse I’m afraid”
“Bum” I said
“Absolutely not” she snapped
We had greedily dispatched our Chinese takeaway and were cuddled up on the sofa, half way through the credits of a Sandra Bullock movie called “The Lake House,” I definitely would by the way, when Georgia suddenly said
“Do you remember a few months ago when I said I didn’t mind you shagging other women”?
“Yes” I said cautiously “but…”
“And I know you still are so don’t bother trying to deny it” she said sternly
I went to speak but she stopped me
“I don’t know who, though I have my suspicions”, she said flatly
“And I don’t think I want to know but I know you’re sleeping with other women” she paused
“And as I said last time I don’t mind”
She paused again
“For now, but there will come a time in the not to distant future when I will”
“I love you and I’m certain sure of that, and I know you say you love me but I’m not so sure of that”
“But I do love you” I said taking her hand
“But you don’t love me as completely as I love you” taking her hand away “you are enough for me, but clearly I’m not enough for you”
I tried to speak again but again she stopped me so I got up and paced the room
“So you have until January to sow your wild oats or to curb your appetites or whatever it is you do”
“But by my 21st birthday I need to feel your commitment“
I went to speak
“And no that’s not a euphemism” she said without humour “you need to want me and me alone”
“And that’s all I have to say” she said, I was cleared to speak now but I didn’t know what to say I wanted to say don’t be silly you’re the only one for me but I knew I was a dog.
I knew that I was getting plenty and I was liking that but if I wanted to keep the girl I loved it was obvious I would have to change.
“Is that why you don’t use the door key?” I asked
Georgia was on her knees removing the DVD and I perched on the arm of the sofa just watching her almost in a daze.
“Yes” she replied without turning round
“Because…” she began but couldn’t finish
“You don’t want to catch me with another woman” I finished her sentence
She carried on what she was doing slowly and deliberately.
I was a little shocked. firstly because and I know it sound silly but it never occurred to me for a moment that I couldn’t have my cake and eat it, and secondly although I knew I loved Georgia more than I had ever loved anyone I didn’t realise quite how much that was until that moment when I realised I could lose her..
The prospect of losing her stunned me and I knew I had to make changes in my life.
It occurred to me then that the Reverend Oliver’s drunken invitation to party that afternoon was clearly a test and I had passed with flying colours and that, I thought, is how I must approach each temptation, a test which must be passed.
Georgia finished putting the DVD in its box and switched off the TV
“Don’t look so glum” she said as She stood up
“I’m not giving up on you yet”
“We’ve dealt with the serious bit,” she said slipping off her cardigan
“Now we get to do the fun stuff”
And she walked towards me unbuttoning her blouse as she did so until by the time she was stood in front of me her pert unfettered tits were in my face.
“I thought you had a visitor?” I said before taking one erect nipple in my mouth
“I lied,” she said sucking air in between her teeth
I stopped sucking and ejected her nipple like a babe spitting out its dummy
“Why?” I said indignantly before returning to my task.
“Because I wanted you to hear what I had to say before all the blood left your brain to feed this,” she replied sliding her hand down to my crotch.
She squeezed around the folds of denim in the general area of where my erection should have been.
“Where is it?” she said and began undoing my trousers.
Once she had both unbuttoned and unzipped them she fell to her knees and began yanking my jeans and pants off before discarding them behind her then she knelt in front of me looking at my timid little soldier who lacked enough substance even to be a semi.
“I think someone is reluctant to join the party” Georgia said and began to encourage its participation orally, and I don’t mean she was talking to it.
It didn’t take very much effort on Georgia’s part to rally the troops, one good slurp was enough to be honest then Georgie pulled on my shaft, dragging the foreskin back to expose my purple helmet and before long my little soldier had risen through the ranks from Private part to Major hard on.
“Oh yes Georgie” I gasped out as I looked down at her brunette haired head moving expertly on my shaft while she played with my balls.
My cock was throbbing now and there was an ache dwelling deep in my balls
georgia obviously felt my growing arousal and disengaged her mouth from my cock with a distinct slurp and she wiped her mouth on the sleeve of her blouse
Then she hitched up her denim skirt and she climbed onto my lap exposing a good portion of her fluffy brown bush
“You have no knickers on” I said “again”
She just chuckled as she unzipped her skirt so she could hitch it further.
“You’re making a habit of not wearing any drawers” I said
“If I put them on you have them around my ankles in seconds” she said innocently
“Anyway you know you like it you dirty old man”
She looked down at my cock still moist with her saliva and standing tall and proud due to her oral attentions.
The front of her blouse was open to the waist and this left her beautiful breasts exposed nipples standing proud for me to caress.
Then she gave me a smile as she slithered down on me before letting out a long breathy sigh.
She wrapped her arms tightly around my neck and then rode me hard, pounding her velvety wet pussy on my shaft, her pelvis pumping on my piston frenetically.
My hands gripped her firm buttocks as they rose and fell on me her squeals and moans in my ear through gritted teeth growing in intensity as the pace quickened.
Then she missed a beat as her foot slipped and she lost purchase.
But instead of resenting herself she kissed me and smiled
“if you want more you’ll have to catch me”
And she slipped off my shaft and was away out the door heading for the stairs
I leapt up from my prone position in chase but she had a head start on me.
But as she turned to go up the stairs she lost traction on the laminate floor in her stockined feet Which gave me sufficient time to close the distance.
Georgia was giggling As she began to scramble up the stairs crab like and she squealed as I grabbed her left leg by the knee and halted her progress.
This gave me the chance to grasp her firmly by the hips and pulling her towards me I penetrated her hot cunny.
She moaned loudly as I deeply speared her and as stroke followed stroke her cunny came to meet each penetration.
Until the moment when I was distracted by the pitch and volume of her pleasurable moaning, and instead of thrusting onto me she pulled away and made a bid to escape before I knew what was happening, I tried to grab her but only managed to grab a hold of her denim skirt which she managed to wriggle out of as she scampered up the stairs.
She was sitting triumphantly on the top stair wearing only a pair of knee length socks and an unbuttoned blouse.
“come on then, if you think you’re man enough” she said taunting me as she slipped her blouse off her shoulders
Then she spread her legs wide and I could see her juices glistening on her moist lips even before she slipped her finger down her crack.
This had turned into a game of cat and mouse where Georgia was both the mouse and the pussy.
She was still fingering herself with one hand and holding her blouse in the other when she raised it above her head and prepared to throw it at me and as she launched it at me I took my chance and sprinted up the stairs before she had a chance to reset herself, even so she nearly made it, I only just managed to grasp her ankle and prevent her escape.
She wriggled and squealed as I pulled her back to the top stair by the leg. Until her buttocks rested on the brow
I was kneeling on the second step with her cunny now at cock height and I wasted no time in urgently penetrating her juicy pussy and Georgia exhaled a low animal grunt And she grunted louder with each successive length I gave her.
My hands were on her hips but I moved them to her beautiful titties.
I knew she was going nowhere as Her legs locked around my body and she continued to grunt, squeal and yelp.
The length of stroke was shortening and The squeals were turning to deep moans
I thrusted Quicker and quicker
Her moans became more urgent, more guttural, and more animal
Faster and faster I pounded
Louder and louder she moaned
Writhing and wriggling
Gasping and panting
Quicker and quicker
Louder and louder
And then in perfect symmetry as Georgia’s whole body seemed to go into spasm she came with an animal yell as my cock pulsed and twitched as It ejaculated into her.
We held that position with her pussy hugging my cock for a few minutes.
“God that was the best yet” Georgie said and then let out a fruity chuckle which flexed her grip around my shaft as if she was milking the last drop from me.
An Antidote To Writers Block (Part 22) Avoiding Mrs Beamish
I thought it was time to catch my breath, after all the frenetic activity surrounding the assault on Maisie Stewart and the resulting, and as it turned out unnecessary, scheming and intrigue in attaining her new lodgings.
Not to mention a long boozy lunch and the associated gratuitous sex and I have to say I was completely knackered and I was understandably looking forward to a few days of nothing very much at all before a final night of passion with Georgia prior to her return to University.
Well you know what they say about “best laid plans”.
Things began to go wrong at the break of day when a crack of thunder almost blew me out of bed and then the storm rumbled round for hours after that, making sleep nearly impossible, I would just drift off and then CRASH, then things would calm down and then CRASH.
I gave up after the 9th or 10th time and went downstairs for coffee.
Then alas within the first hour of day one of my well-earned respite, my publisher, gay Gordon, started hassling me for the then overdue chapters.
Now before anyone takes umbrage over the gay Gordon remark I should explain that we call him that for two reasons, firstly his name is Gordon, and secondly he’s gay.
There are no homophobic undertones he refers to himself by that name and everyone does the same, so now that’s been straightened out we can move on.
My few days of R&R now had to be spent on the three overdue chapters, but having said that, it wasn’t as bad as I first thought and a lot better than it might otherwise have been.
The first chapter was virtually finished just required some minor editing; the second was completely rafted and just needed tidying up.
The third one was at the time un-started but I was able to race through it as I merely wrote loosely around my recent sexual exchanges with Maisie and Victoria and then the chapter culminated with a big red haired gardener being rogered over her wheelbarrow, wishful thinking on my part there I have to confess.
It still required me to burn the midnight oil somewhat but by the end of the day I had fulfilled my obligation to Gordon and I emailed the finished chapters to the publishers and took to my bed not expecting to emerge from it until lunchtime.
The next morning at 9.30 I was rudely awakened from my slumber, and not in a good way, and not this time by a thunderstorm but by the persistent ringing of my mobile phone.
I reached a hand out from beneath the duvet and grabbed the phone
“Hello” I said sleepily
I was snapped awake by the sound of unrestrained tears coming from a distraught Georgia.
Once I had calmed her down sufficiently that she could speak and having determined no one had died I quickly washed and dressed and went out into the rainy morning and trudged the relatively short distance to her house.
She was still in tears when I arrived; though much calmer.
Her parents were both at work so she had to unload it all on me.
It took me about half an hour of soothing words to get her to the point where she could tell me what was wrong without bursting into tears again.
Georgia was returning to the University at Roehampton at the weekend in time for her final year although her first lecture was still two weeks away.
She had worked her socks off all summer at the golf club in order to earn enough to enable her not to need to get another job in Roehampton.
Georgia already had a little job in the University Library, which although it didn’t pay well it fitted in perfectly with her studies, but she didn’t want to have to take another job as well.
Georgia had calculated that with all the shifts she had done, on top of her future earnings from the library added to the meagre savings she had left from the previous year, she had sufficient to meet her needs and leave her enough to treat herself to a new laptop.
So early that morning she had gone to the golf club to pick up her final pay cheque of the summer, only to find that the odious Miss Snipe had under paid her to the sum of £300.
Furthermore, even though it was Snipes mistake, she refused to make reparation before the next payment run.
Georgia believed she had done it intentionally, I thought she may be right but didn’t say so.
All of this meant though that after all the other out goings she wasn’t going to have enough to fund her new laptop until she was next home.
She really wanted that particular laptop but she said that she would just have to get something cheaper and gave a weak smile.
I managed to persuade her not to settle for less than she really wanted and just soldier on with what she had for a couple more months and as every cloud had a silver lining by the time she was ready to buy it would be at an even better price.
Georgia punched me for my sunny optimism but seemed happier with life.
I then offered to go into town with her and keep her company while she did her last minute shopping.
She gave me a hug and a kiss and said
“No that’s ok, I’m meeting mum for lunch”
When I left her at the door she was altogether happier, I on the other hand was furious and the Snipe would get what was coming to her.
In the meantime I walked briskly, through the now pouring rain, to the station and got the first train into Kiddingstone, I knew I could get there and back before Georgia had even left the village.
The reason for my sojourn was to purchase her new laptop, printer and accessories as a going away present.
Georgia’s parents would have done the same thing if they could have afforded it.
But they couldn’t, They were nice hard working people and had no great wealth but considered themselves rich beyond measure because of what they did have, their girls.
I did not wish to step on their toes and steal their limelight so I planned that we would present it as a joint gift.
We were all going out for a meal that evening to a gastro pub in Tollington and as we were meeting first at the Gregory’s we could present it to her before we left for the restaurant.
I got a taxi back to the village, just to make sure I didn’t bump into Georgie, and I called her dad Geoff from the back of the cab, I span him a line about getting it at a knock down price through a friend who used his staff discount.
I think he wanted to believe me more than actually believing me but he was pleased his daughter was getting her laptop.
He repeatedly insisted on paying something towards it and I repeatedly declined his offer and in the end we compromised.
He would let me pay for the gift if I let him and Laura take Georgia back to Uni at the weekend.
We verbally shook on the deal.
I knew Georgia wouldn’t mind as we had already discussed the possibility.
Her parents struggled at times to reconcile themselves with the changing nature of their relationship,
Geoffrey in particular was feeling more than a little redundant.
It was undoubtedly the way of the world but it was hard for a father to take in.
Georgia and I had no intention of exacerbating the situation.
That evening I walked through the rain carrying the gifts in black sacks to keep them dry, I arrived at the Gregory household at the allotted time and was met by Geoff who was standing by the open garage door.
This allowed us to smuggle Georgia’s gift into the house unseen.
Laura was in the kitchen and indicated the coast was clear so I stepped in and placed the packages onto the counter.
As soon as my hands were free Laura kissed my cheek and hugged my tightly.
“Thank you Simon” she said, filling up
I wasn’t sure what exactly she was thanking me for.
Was it for buying the laptop or letting them take Georgia to Roehampton or for making their daughter happy.
It could have been any or all of the above.
I patted her on the back and she released her grip and turned away to wipe her eyes.
I did the manly thing and shook hands with Geoffrey.
A few minutes later Georgia came into the kitchen, looking as lovely as ever, to find the three of us standing in close order on one side of the room.
“Hello darling” she said as she walked over and kissed me
“I didn’t know you were here, I didn’t hear the door bell”
Then she realised something was amiss
“Why are you all huddled over here?” she said suspiciously and tried to peer behind us.
“Well there is something we want to do before we leave for the restaurant” Geoffrey said falteringly
“Simon? Would you like to do the honours?”
“No Geoffrey you have the floor, the honour is yours” I replied rather pompously.
“Well we know how disappointed you were this morning and also because we think you deserve it” Geoff said proudly
“So we got you this as a going away present”
And with military precision and not unlike the red sea, we parted to reveal the brightly wrapped parcels.
“What’s all this?” she said
“Open them and you’ll find out” I said
So she set about the task and as she ripped off the paper her eyes widened with delight and she smiled broadly
“You shouldn’t have,” she said with a frown that lasted a nano second and then she was smiling again.
Geoffrey and Laura were hugging as they watched their daughter’s joy, no doubt remembering long passed moments from her childhood.
Then Georgia hugged and kissed her parents and when she turned to me I was expecting the same but instead she poked me, hard.
“As for you” she said sternly and poked me again “all that tosh you spouted, “every cloud has a silver lining””
Another poke
“And all the time”
Poke
“You were planning this”
Poke
I nodded
“Pretty much” I confirmed
Then I got my hug and kiss
“I love you,” she said
“Steady” I said you’ll make me blush
“I love you too”
That kind of set the tone for the rest of the evening and we had a lovely time.
Midway through the evening while her mum was in the loo and Geoff had gone in search of the wine waiter I told her that her mum and dad would be taking her back to University and why I thought it was a good idea.
She leant over a kissed me moistly on the lips
“I really do love you Simon Fisher,” she said
“And I really do love you too” I replied
“I hope so” I think she said, She was a little drunk and slurred a bit so I wasn’t sure.
I was going to ask her to say it again but just at that moment her parents returned to the table and the moment was gone and it was such a great evening that I didn’t think of it again.
The next day when I finally arose, I walked downstairs to find Mrs Beamish hard at work with a j-cloth.
I should point out that Mrs. Beamish is my cleaner and not an exotic dancer.
“Morning Beryl” I said
I had forgotten it was cleaning day, I usually made myself scarce when Mrs Beamish was about.
“I think you’ll find it’s nearer the afternoon Mr. Fisher” she corrected me.
She was a surly old biddy but she was a marvellous cleaner and under absolutely no circumstances could she be considered sexually attractive thus negating any temptation.
She had the knack of making me feel like I was in the way and
I found her to be incredibly intimidating so I made myself a coffee and made my way to my study.
To the echoes of “I aint done in there yet”
I closed the door and switched on the computer.
I opened email and set about the oldest unread mail first.
There was one from gay Gordon thanking me for all my hard work and stating how much he enjoyed the overdue chapters.
He couldn’t resist a jibe about my tardiness.
After checking the rest there were no others of interest so I finished my coffee and decided after a quick shower I would escape the house while Beryl Beamish went about her duties.
I walked over to my usual refuge namely the golf club; it was a grey overcast day with a chill wind keeping the rain away albeit temporary, so the terrace was deserted.
I went inside instead and that wasn’t much better, a cluster of serious drinkers by the bar and a smattering of those “dressed to play” though never actually do.
I did catch sight of Miss Snipe who peered at me over her specs and seeing I was not enamoured with her she bolted for the safety of her office.
It appeared I was between a rock and a hard place, a slow boring death at the club or home with Beryl.
So I had just resolved to take myself off for a walk round the village before the rain returned when…
“Simon darling” a voice said in familiar tones
I turned round to see the lovely Pandora dressed up to the nines.
She looked stunning in a peach coloured suit and matching accessories, as usual she was stylishly coordinated from hat to shoes.
“Hello Pandy” I said, “where are you off to?”
“My sisters wedding” she said raising her eyebrows “number four”
“Well you look gorgeous as usual,” I said as I gave her an appraising gaze. “Immaculately accessorised”
“Everything matching?” I asked raising an eyebrow
“Everything darling” she replied “as usual”
“So what are you doing here?”
“I do have a rather convoluted tale of the why’s and wherefores, but to tell the truth I came to show off the outfit”
And she smiled in that cute way she has where her nose wrinkles.
“And the place is deserted” she said and shrugged “what about you?”
“I was looking for someone to play with,” I said
“And we all know what kind of game you like to play” she said cheekily
“Well you should know better than most” I retorted and Pandora blushed.
“Do you want to play on Monday?” she asked
“Always” I replied
“I meant golf,” Pandora stated
“So did I” I lied
Anyway after I’d watched Pandora walk away towards the car park it started to rain so I decided to tough it out and go home and face the abominable Mrs Beamish.
But at the very last second I lost my nerve and headed into the village instead where I chanced upon Reverend Oliver.
“Good afternoon Katy” I said
“Hello Simon” she replied “What’s brought you out into the rain”
“I’m avoiding Beryl Beamish,” I said trying to keep a straight face, Katy gave an understanding nod
“And you?”
“The Conway sisters” she replied “its there turn to do the flowers” and she bowed her head with shame.
“I think we need to be fortified,” I said
“Cross Keys?” she suggested
“I thought you were barred from the keys for calling the landlord a godless heathen,” I queried
“A simple misunderstanding” she assured me “I’ve forgiven him”
Due to the inclement weather the pub was even more deserted than the golf club so we sat and unloaded our burdens on each other.
I detailed my constantly thwarted plans for a peaceful few days while she talked about certain sections of the congregation had still not really accepted her.
Take make her feel better I revealed some unsavoury gossip about her protagonists which made her feel better and unearthed a few nuggets that I didn’t know.
Katy then proceeded to reveal more and more about herself and the community with every drink, but the more she drank the more she tended to ramble, she spoke a lot about time and sands running through her fingers and choices and not knowing.
I couldn’t really follow her train of thought but the drink wasn’t helping and as neither of us had eaten since breakfast the beer took its toll very quickly and two hours later we were fortified as newts and I had to steer her through the pouring rain to the vicarage.
Once we reached her front door I had to wedge her against the wall while I opened the door, unfortunately as the door swung open she fell into the hall.
I instinctively reached out and grabbed her in an effort to prevent her from hurting herself.
Unfortunately in trying to avoid grabbing anything intimate I only succeeded in falling to the floor before she did, I landed on my back and she landed on top of me.
“You know Simon if I wasn’t the vicar I’d shag you” she slurred before planting an almost Labrador like kiss on my mouth.
“And if I wasn’t a gentleman” I said after extricating myself from her embrace “I’d let you”
Then I struggled to my feet and helped Katy to do the same before steering her through the hall and into her sitting room.
“But you’re not a gentleman” she said as I plopped her into an armchair “so there’s nothing stopping you”
She grabbed me by the lapels and planted another kiss on my mouth, much more controlled and unhurried.
I wondered as I was starting to reciprocate if she thought that having sex with a philanderer like me was sin free.
Making me like a vegetable in a slimmer’s diet plan.
I broke away from her embrace again.
“But you are the vicar” I replied and kissed her on the forehead and then I left.
I have to admit that as I made the short walk home feeling rather proud of myself, after all she had offered it to me on a plate and I had turned it down, and not because I didn’t fancy her.
Katie Oliver was not an unattractive woman my any measure, with a warm open manner, a willowy thirty something, nearer to forty than not, with shoulder length brunette hair, intelligent green laughing eyes and a broad toothy smile altogether a very pleasant demeanour.
The Reverend ticked a lot of boxes for me it has to be said, maybe I was growing a spine or I at the very least getting a conscience.
I did not kid myself that I possessed any high principles, I did hold certain standards and preferences but they were at best flexible.
I had always, despite my penchant for all things crumpet, tried to avoid fishing in someone else’s pond, no matter how attractive the body of water might be, but I had abandoned that after failing to meet my own exceptionally low standards and repeated my failures on numerous times since.
So if I did possess any scruples I have shown by my behaviour that they can be overcome, as my many peccadilloes can testify to.
I don’t know why I didn’t accept the Vicars invitation to canoodle, it certainly wasn’t as I have already said through a lack of attraction or even what she was wearing, I liked uniforms and outfits, and vestments certainly didn’t put me off.
I don’t even think it was because she was a Vicar although had she been in any other occupation I would probably have jumped her bones in a second.
I think it was probably a combination of the fact that she was a woman of the cloth, of my faith and of my church and was acting under the influence of two much beer on an empty stomach, which was completely out of character.
If offered again in the future I might not be so noble.
The whole prospect of shagging a Vicar, in costume, had left me quite aroused, something for Georgia to benefit from later.
Thankfully when I got home Beamish had left and I slept away the afternoon on my sofa.
Not to mention a long boozy lunch and the associated gratuitous sex and I have to say I was completely knackered and I was understandably looking forward to a few days of nothing very much at all before a final night of passion with Georgia prior to her return to University.
Well you know what they say about “best laid plans”.
Things began to go wrong at the break of day when a crack of thunder almost blew me out of bed and then the storm rumbled round for hours after that, making sleep nearly impossible, I would just drift off and then CRASH, then things would calm down and then CRASH.
I gave up after the 9th or 10th time and went downstairs for coffee.
Then alas within the first hour of day one of my well-earned respite, my publisher, gay Gordon, started hassling me for the then overdue chapters.
Now before anyone takes umbrage over the gay Gordon remark I should explain that we call him that for two reasons, firstly his name is Gordon, and secondly he’s gay.
There are no homophobic undertones he refers to himself by that name and everyone does the same, so now that’s been straightened out we can move on.
My few days of R&R now had to be spent on the three overdue chapters, but having said that, it wasn’t as bad as I first thought and a lot better than it might otherwise have been.
The first chapter was virtually finished just required some minor editing; the second was completely rafted and just needed tidying up.
The third one was at the time un-started but I was able to race through it as I merely wrote loosely around my recent sexual exchanges with Maisie and Victoria and then the chapter culminated with a big red haired gardener being rogered over her wheelbarrow, wishful thinking on my part there I have to confess.
It still required me to burn the midnight oil somewhat but by the end of the day I had fulfilled my obligation to Gordon and I emailed the finished chapters to the publishers and took to my bed not expecting to emerge from it until lunchtime.
The next morning at 9.30 I was rudely awakened from my slumber, and not in a good way, and not this time by a thunderstorm but by the persistent ringing of my mobile phone.
I reached a hand out from beneath the duvet and grabbed the phone
“Hello” I said sleepily
I was snapped awake by the sound of unrestrained tears coming from a distraught Georgia.
Once I had calmed her down sufficiently that she could speak and having determined no one had died I quickly washed and dressed and went out into the rainy morning and trudged the relatively short distance to her house.
She was still in tears when I arrived; though much calmer.
Her parents were both at work so she had to unload it all on me.
It took me about half an hour of soothing words to get her to the point where she could tell me what was wrong without bursting into tears again.
Georgia was returning to the University at Roehampton at the weekend in time for her final year although her first lecture was still two weeks away.
She had worked her socks off all summer at the golf club in order to earn enough to enable her not to need to get another job in Roehampton.
Georgia already had a little job in the University Library, which although it didn’t pay well it fitted in perfectly with her studies, but she didn’t want to have to take another job as well.
Georgia had calculated that with all the shifts she had done, on top of her future earnings from the library added to the meagre savings she had left from the previous year, she had sufficient to meet her needs and leave her enough to treat herself to a new laptop.
So early that morning she had gone to the golf club to pick up her final pay cheque of the summer, only to find that the odious Miss Snipe had under paid her to the sum of £300.
Furthermore, even though it was Snipes mistake, she refused to make reparation before the next payment run.
Georgia believed she had done it intentionally, I thought she may be right but didn’t say so.
All of this meant though that after all the other out goings she wasn’t going to have enough to fund her new laptop until she was next home.
She really wanted that particular laptop but she said that she would just have to get something cheaper and gave a weak smile.
I managed to persuade her not to settle for less than she really wanted and just soldier on with what she had for a couple more months and as every cloud had a silver lining by the time she was ready to buy it would be at an even better price.
Georgia punched me for my sunny optimism but seemed happier with life.
I then offered to go into town with her and keep her company while she did her last minute shopping.
She gave me a hug and a kiss and said
“No that’s ok, I’m meeting mum for lunch”
When I left her at the door she was altogether happier, I on the other hand was furious and the Snipe would get what was coming to her.
In the meantime I walked briskly, through the now pouring rain, to the station and got the first train into Kiddingstone, I knew I could get there and back before Georgia had even left the village.
The reason for my sojourn was to purchase her new laptop, printer and accessories as a going away present.
Georgia’s parents would have done the same thing if they could have afforded it.
But they couldn’t, They were nice hard working people and had no great wealth but considered themselves rich beyond measure because of what they did have, their girls.
I did not wish to step on their toes and steal their limelight so I planned that we would present it as a joint gift.
We were all going out for a meal that evening to a gastro pub in Tollington and as we were meeting first at the Gregory’s we could present it to her before we left for the restaurant.
I got a taxi back to the village, just to make sure I didn’t bump into Georgie, and I called her dad Geoff from the back of the cab, I span him a line about getting it at a knock down price through a friend who used his staff discount.
I think he wanted to believe me more than actually believing me but he was pleased his daughter was getting her laptop.
He repeatedly insisted on paying something towards it and I repeatedly declined his offer and in the end we compromised.
He would let me pay for the gift if I let him and Laura take Georgia back to Uni at the weekend.
We verbally shook on the deal.
I knew Georgia wouldn’t mind as we had already discussed the possibility.
Her parents struggled at times to reconcile themselves with the changing nature of their relationship,
Geoffrey in particular was feeling more than a little redundant.
It was undoubtedly the way of the world but it was hard for a father to take in.
Georgia and I had no intention of exacerbating the situation.
That evening I walked through the rain carrying the gifts in black sacks to keep them dry, I arrived at the Gregory household at the allotted time and was met by Geoff who was standing by the open garage door.
This allowed us to smuggle Georgia’s gift into the house unseen.
Laura was in the kitchen and indicated the coast was clear so I stepped in and placed the packages onto the counter.
As soon as my hands were free Laura kissed my cheek and hugged my tightly.
“Thank you Simon” she said, filling up
I wasn’t sure what exactly she was thanking me for.
Was it for buying the laptop or letting them take Georgia to Roehampton or for making their daughter happy.
It could have been any or all of the above.
I patted her on the back and she released her grip and turned away to wipe her eyes.
I did the manly thing and shook hands with Geoffrey.
A few minutes later Georgia came into the kitchen, looking as lovely as ever, to find the three of us standing in close order on one side of the room.
“Hello darling” she said as she walked over and kissed me
“I didn’t know you were here, I didn’t hear the door bell”
Then she realised something was amiss
“Why are you all huddled over here?” she said suspiciously and tried to peer behind us.
“Well there is something we want to do before we leave for the restaurant” Geoffrey said falteringly
“Simon? Would you like to do the honours?”
“No Geoffrey you have the floor, the honour is yours” I replied rather pompously.
“Well we know how disappointed you were this morning and also because we think you deserve it” Geoff said proudly
“So we got you this as a going away present”
And with military precision and not unlike the red sea, we parted to reveal the brightly wrapped parcels.
“What’s all this?” she said
“Open them and you’ll find out” I said
So she set about the task and as she ripped off the paper her eyes widened with delight and she smiled broadly
“You shouldn’t have,” she said with a frown that lasted a nano second and then she was smiling again.
Geoffrey and Laura were hugging as they watched their daughter’s joy, no doubt remembering long passed moments from her childhood.
Then Georgia hugged and kissed her parents and when she turned to me I was expecting the same but instead she poked me, hard.
“As for you” she said sternly and poked me again “all that tosh you spouted, “every cloud has a silver lining””
Another poke
“And all the time”
Poke
“You were planning this”
Poke
I nodded
“Pretty much” I confirmed
Then I got my hug and kiss
“I love you,” she said
“Steady” I said you’ll make me blush
“I love you too”
That kind of set the tone for the rest of the evening and we had a lovely time.
Midway through the evening while her mum was in the loo and Geoff had gone in search of the wine waiter I told her that her mum and dad would be taking her back to University and why I thought it was a good idea.
She leant over a kissed me moistly on the lips
“I really do love you Simon Fisher,” she said
“And I really do love you too” I replied
“I hope so” I think she said, She was a little drunk and slurred a bit so I wasn’t sure.
I was going to ask her to say it again but just at that moment her parents returned to the table and the moment was gone and it was such a great evening that I didn’t think of it again.
The next day when I finally arose, I walked downstairs to find Mrs Beamish hard at work with a j-cloth.
I should point out that Mrs. Beamish is my cleaner and not an exotic dancer.
“Morning Beryl” I said
I had forgotten it was cleaning day, I usually made myself scarce when Mrs Beamish was about.
“I think you’ll find it’s nearer the afternoon Mr. Fisher” she corrected me.
She was a surly old biddy but she was a marvellous cleaner and under absolutely no circumstances could she be considered sexually attractive thus negating any temptation.
She had the knack of making me feel like I was in the way and
I found her to be incredibly intimidating so I made myself a coffee and made my way to my study.
To the echoes of “I aint done in there yet”
I closed the door and switched on the computer.
I opened email and set about the oldest unread mail first.
There was one from gay Gordon thanking me for all my hard work and stating how much he enjoyed the overdue chapters.
He couldn’t resist a jibe about my tardiness.
After checking the rest there were no others of interest so I finished my coffee and decided after a quick shower I would escape the house while Beryl Beamish went about her duties.
I walked over to my usual refuge namely the golf club; it was a grey overcast day with a chill wind keeping the rain away albeit temporary, so the terrace was deserted.
I went inside instead and that wasn’t much better, a cluster of serious drinkers by the bar and a smattering of those “dressed to play” though never actually do.
I did catch sight of Miss Snipe who peered at me over her specs and seeing I was not enamoured with her she bolted for the safety of her office.
It appeared I was between a rock and a hard place, a slow boring death at the club or home with Beryl.
So I had just resolved to take myself off for a walk round the village before the rain returned when…
“Simon darling” a voice said in familiar tones
I turned round to see the lovely Pandora dressed up to the nines.
She looked stunning in a peach coloured suit and matching accessories, as usual she was stylishly coordinated from hat to shoes.
“Hello Pandy” I said, “where are you off to?”
“My sisters wedding” she said raising her eyebrows “number four”
“Well you look gorgeous as usual,” I said as I gave her an appraising gaze. “Immaculately accessorised”
“Everything matching?” I asked raising an eyebrow
“Everything darling” she replied “as usual”
“So what are you doing here?”
“I do have a rather convoluted tale of the why’s and wherefores, but to tell the truth I came to show off the outfit”
And she smiled in that cute way she has where her nose wrinkles.
“And the place is deserted” she said and shrugged “what about you?”
“I was looking for someone to play with,” I said
“And we all know what kind of game you like to play” she said cheekily
“Well you should know better than most” I retorted and Pandora blushed.
“Do you want to play on Monday?” she asked
“Always” I replied
“I meant golf,” Pandora stated
“So did I” I lied
Anyway after I’d watched Pandora walk away towards the car park it started to rain so I decided to tough it out and go home and face the abominable Mrs Beamish.
But at the very last second I lost my nerve and headed into the village instead where I chanced upon Reverend Oliver.
“Good afternoon Katy” I said
“Hello Simon” she replied “What’s brought you out into the rain”
“I’m avoiding Beryl Beamish,” I said trying to keep a straight face, Katy gave an understanding nod
“And you?”
“The Conway sisters” she replied “its there turn to do the flowers” and she bowed her head with shame.
“I think we need to be fortified,” I said
“Cross Keys?” she suggested
“I thought you were barred from the keys for calling the landlord a godless heathen,” I queried
“A simple misunderstanding” she assured me “I’ve forgiven him”
Due to the inclement weather the pub was even more deserted than the golf club so we sat and unloaded our burdens on each other.
I detailed my constantly thwarted plans for a peaceful few days while she talked about certain sections of the congregation had still not really accepted her.
Take make her feel better I revealed some unsavoury gossip about her protagonists which made her feel better and unearthed a few nuggets that I didn’t know.
Katy then proceeded to reveal more and more about herself and the community with every drink, but the more she drank the more she tended to ramble, she spoke a lot about time and sands running through her fingers and choices and not knowing.
I couldn’t really follow her train of thought but the drink wasn’t helping and as neither of us had eaten since breakfast the beer took its toll very quickly and two hours later we were fortified as newts and I had to steer her through the pouring rain to the vicarage.
Once we reached her front door I had to wedge her against the wall while I opened the door, unfortunately as the door swung open she fell into the hall.
I instinctively reached out and grabbed her in an effort to prevent her from hurting herself.
Unfortunately in trying to avoid grabbing anything intimate I only succeeded in falling to the floor before she did, I landed on my back and she landed on top of me.
“You know Simon if I wasn’t the vicar I’d shag you” she slurred before planting an almost Labrador like kiss on my mouth.
“And if I wasn’t a gentleman” I said after extricating myself from her embrace “I’d let you”
Then I struggled to my feet and helped Katy to do the same before steering her through the hall and into her sitting room.
“But you’re not a gentleman” she said as I plopped her into an armchair “so there’s nothing stopping you”
She grabbed me by the lapels and planted another kiss on my mouth, much more controlled and unhurried.
I wondered as I was starting to reciprocate if she thought that having sex with a philanderer like me was sin free.
Making me like a vegetable in a slimmer’s diet plan.
I broke away from her embrace again.
“But you are the vicar” I replied and kissed her on the forehead and then I left.
I have to admit that as I made the short walk home feeling rather proud of myself, after all she had offered it to me on a plate and I had turned it down, and not because I didn’t fancy her.
Katie Oliver was not an unattractive woman my any measure, with a warm open manner, a willowy thirty something, nearer to forty than not, with shoulder length brunette hair, intelligent green laughing eyes and a broad toothy smile altogether a very pleasant demeanour.
The Reverend ticked a lot of boxes for me it has to be said, maybe I was growing a spine or I at the very least getting a conscience.
I did not kid myself that I possessed any high principles, I did hold certain standards and preferences but they were at best flexible.
I had always, despite my penchant for all things crumpet, tried to avoid fishing in someone else’s pond, no matter how attractive the body of water might be, but I had abandoned that after failing to meet my own exceptionally low standards and repeated my failures on numerous times since.
So if I did possess any scruples I have shown by my behaviour that they can be overcome, as my many peccadilloes can testify to.
I don’t know why I didn’t accept the Vicars invitation to canoodle, it certainly wasn’t as I have already said through a lack of attraction or even what she was wearing, I liked uniforms and outfits, and vestments certainly didn’t put me off.
I don’t even think it was because she was a Vicar although had she been in any other occupation I would probably have jumped her bones in a second.
I think it was probably a combination of the fact that she was a woman of the cloth, of my faith and of my church and was acting under the influence of two much beer on an empty stomach, which was completely out of character.
If offered again in the future I might not be so noble.
The whole prospect of shagging a Vicar, in costume, had left me quite aroused, something for Georgia to benefit from later.
Thankfully when I got home Beamish had left and I slept away the afternoon on my sofa.
The Love Selection # 11
WHERE IS THE KISS
Where is the kiss?
I have craved
A kiss on ruby lips
Of brazen red
Where are those lips?
I have desired
Lips like soft petals
Slight parted
Where is that mouth?
That bears the lips
That holds the kiss
That I desire
Is it kissing another?
IF NOT FOR YOU AND YOUR LOVE
If not for you and your love
I would have no life, no existence
Beyond loneliness, if not for your love
I would have no reason to breathe
BEYOND YOU
Beyond you
I have no interest
Our courtship
Makes me complete
I waste no breath
On the mundane
I breathe only for you
Beyond you
I have no interest
I see you only,
Through laughing eyes
With my tunnel vision
I have no interest
In seeing the world
I see you alone
I SPOKE THE WORDS
I spoke the words
Though they came hard
But I could see each syllable
Cut her like a blade
Each word was a stab at her heart
The final sentence the coup de grace
A pregnant pause followed
She looked stunned
Bemused by my speech
Then the tears came
But I had no words of comfort
It hurt me to know
That I had hurt her
But I couldn’t live another minute
In a loveless void
OUR LOVE SPLINTERED
Our love splintered
Shard by shard
Almost unnoticed
Until it finally shattered
OUR LOVE UNRAVELLED
Our love unravelled
Strand by strand
Until the splicing
That bound us together
Was undone
HIGH ABOVE THE GROUND
High above the ground
The hawks of deceit are circling
As each bond of trust is consumed
To leave us cast adrift
As loves final embers die
LIKE THE IMMORTAL PHOENIX
Like the immortal phoenix
Our mortal love
Is consumed by flame
And turned to ashes
But we are reborn
As separate birds
SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL
She was beautiful
Like a Constable landscape
And she painted love
Into my dreary world
Each brushstroke
Changing me forever
HE KISSED LIFE INTO HER
He kissed life into her,
Like a prince of old
Dispelling everlasting slumber
In a Fairy story often told
When Sleeping Beauty
Woke from her trance
To gaze into the eyes of love
And then forever dance
MY HISTORY IS ONE OF SADNESS
My history is one of sadness
Lonely and loveless
No memories of joy to comfort
Only the emptiness
Of a life spent alone
Like Robinson Crusoe
On his desert island
I sit surround by the ocean
Inhospitable and deep
In my life the ocean is the world
The blue water
Its inhabitants
Washing up to my shore
But always washing away again
Tantalising and teasing
But I cannot embrace the waves
I must remain alone
On my desert island
Looking out to sea
Where is the kiss?
I have craved
A kiss on ruby lips
Of brazen red
Where are those lips?
I have desired
Lips like soft petals
Slight parted
Where is that mouth?
That bears the lips
That holds the kiss
That I desire
Is it kissing another?
IF NOT FOR YOU AND YOUR LOVE
If not for you and your love
I would have no life, no existence
Beyond loneliness, if not for your love
I would have no reason to breathe
BEYOND YOU
Beyond you
I have no interest
Our courtship
Makes me complete
I waste no breath
On the mundane
I breathe only for you
Beyond you
I have no interest
I see you only,
Through laughing eyes
With my tunnel vision
I have no interest
In seeing the world
I see you alone
I SPOKE THE WORDS
I spoke the words
Though they came hard
But I could see each syllable
Cut her like a blade
Each word was a stab at her heart
The final sentence the coup de grace
A pregnant pause followed
She looked stunned
Bemused by my speech
Then the tears came
But I had no words of comfort
It hurt me to know
That I had hurt her
But I couldn’t live another minute
In a loveless void
OUR LOVE SPLINTERED
Our love splintered
Shard by shard
Almost unnoticed
Until it finally shattered
OUR LOVE UNRAVELLED
Our love unravelled
Strand by strand
Until the splicing
That bound us together
Was undone
HIGH ABOVE THE GROUND
High above the ground
The hawks of deceit are circling
As each bond of trust is consumed
To leave us cast adrift
As loves final embers die
LIKE THE IMMORTAL PHOENIX
Like the immortal phoenix
Our mortal love
Is consumed by flame
And turned to ashes
But we are reborn
As separate birds
SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL
She was beautiful
Like a Constable landscape
And she painted love
Into my dreary world
Each brushstroke
Changing me forever
HE KISSED LIFE INTO HER
He kissed life into her,
Like a prince of old
Dispelling everlasting slumber
In a Fairy story often told
When Sleeping Beauty
Woke from her trance
To gaze into the eyes of love
And then forever dance
MY HISTORY IS ONE OF SADNESS
My history is one of sadness
Lonely and loveless
No memories of joy to comfort
Only the emptiness
Of a life spent alone
Like Robinson Crusoe
On his desert island
I sit surround by the ocean
Inhospitable and deep
In my life the ocean is the world
The blue water
Its inhabitants
Washing up to my shore
But always washing away again
Tantalising and teasing
But I cannot embrace the waves
I must remain alone
On my desert island
Looking out to sea
A Humourous Selection # 23
I ASKED MY GRANDDAUGHTER
I asked my granddaughter
If she was sexually active
It was a natural question
She’s very attractive
Then I asked, “Do you use protection”
This didn’t embarrass her
“Of course grandma
We use the bus shelter”
IT’S POSSESSED
My Sky Box is on the blink
It’s possessed, I'm in no doubt
It records all the programs I don't like
And plays them back when I’m out
EQUINE DEMOCRACY
They were voting in the House
On a Bill that had Parliament split
It was to give horses the right to vote
In the end the neighs had it
I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN INTO THE OCCULT
I have always been into the occult
I think the spirits interest me the most
So the Paralympics disappointed me
Because I didn’t see a single ghost
I WAS LYING IN BED
I was lying in bed
With my new Thai bride
Who slowly toyed with
My tool with pride
“You must like holding it?
Do you think its fun?
It’s all that you’ve done”
My bride said, “I’m just remembering
When I still had one”
WHEN A CHAVVY GIRL
When a chavvy girl
Beams with pride
Wearing a white tracksuit
She must be the bride
RADIO SILENCE
The two girls are in a car
Driving along
Without any music
Now that sounds wrong
But who is driving?
Peaches or Bimbette
Well actually the driver
Is Constable Brett
OVER ENGINEERED
Every time I start my car
A light glows on the dash
Reminding me
To release the handbrake
Then a light flashes
And a warning bleeps
Telling me to buckle up
When I actually start to move
An arrow appears
Telling me to change gears
Then it dawns on me
What has occurred.
Automotive engineers
After a century of expertise
Have managed to build a woman
Inside every car
THE EXIT STRATEGY
The national anthem played at the end
Of a night at the cinema, in my youth .
It was the prelude of a very quick exit
I always joined the rush to tell the truth
That doesn’t happen anymore
Probable for the best I would have said
Now at some of the large prestige events
They use Paul McCartney instead
EVERYTHING IN THE GARDEN
Everything in the garden
Would be rosy, I would say
If it wasn’t for the fact
That life keeps getting in the way.
FAST FOOD
There are so many folk at the pie shop
Who have trouble with their legs
And need to ride little scooters
So why not open a drive thru Greggs
MY COUSIN IS A CHAV
My cousin is a Chav
And at the age of twenty seven
Is known to the family
As Granny Helen
I asked my granddaughter
If she was sexually active
It was a natural question
She’s very attractive
Then I asked, “Do you use protection”
This didn’t embarrass her
“Of course grandma
We use the bus shelter”
IT’S POSSESSED
My Sky Box is on the blink
It’s possessed, I'm in no doubt
It records all the programs I don't like
And plays them back when I’m out
EQUINE DEMOCRACY
They were voting in the House
On a Bill that had Parliament split
It was to give horses the right to vote
In the end the neighs had it
I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN INTO THE OCCULT
I have always been into the occult
I think the spirits interest me the most
So the Paralympics disappointed me
Because I didn’t see a single ghost
I WAS LYING IN BED
I was lying in bed
With my new Thai bride
Who slowly toyed with
My tool with pride
“You must like holding it?
Do you think its fun?
It’s all that you’ve done”
My bride said, “I’m just remembering
When I still had one”
WHEN A CHAVVY GIRL
When a chavvy girl
Beams with pride
Wearing a white tracksuit
She must be the bride
RADIO SILENCE
The two girls are in a car
Driving along
Without any music
Now that sounds wrong
But who is driving?
Peaches or Bimbette
Well actually the driver
Is Constable Brett
OVER ENGINEERED
Every time I start my car
A light glows on the dash
Reminding me
To release the handbrake
Then a light flashes
And a warning bleeps
Telling me to buckle up
When I actually start to move
An arrow appears
Telling me to change gears
Then it dawns on me
What has occurred.
Automotive engineers
After a century of expertise
Have managed to build a woman
Inside every car
THE EXIT STRATEGY
The national anthem played at the end
Of a night at the cinema, in my youth .
It was the prelude of a very quick exit
I always joined the rush to tell the truth
That doesn’t happen anymore
Probable for the best I would have said
Now at some of the large prestige events
They use Paul McCartney instead
EVERYTHING IN THE GARDEN
Everything in the garden
Would be rosy, I would say
If it wasn’t for the fact
That life keeps getting in the way.
FAST FOOD
There are so many folk at the pie shop
Who have trouble with their legs
And need to ride little scooters
So why not open a drive thru Greggs
MY COUSIN IS A CHAV
My cousin is a Chav
And at the age of twenty seven
Is known to the family
As Granny Helen
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