WAR AND REMEMBERANCE

WAR AND REMEMBERANCE
MONUMENT

Each faceless name
In neat regimen
Of stone masons text
Is one of the fallen
Long forgotten names
Cut deep into the stone
Marking the sacrifice
Of battles Histories
The cold stone sentinel
A poignant reminder

FLT LT RUPERT “TINY” COOLING 1920 - 2010

Time to scramble Tiny
Up into the blue
Up above your ceiling
To once more join your crew

Look lively there Rupert
Fly on, fly on
Up above your ceiling
Rejoin the squadron

CENOTAPH

Bow your undressed head
Before the cenotaph
A reverent monument
To warriors past
But not to glorify
There tragic loss
But to mark the moment
And count the cost

THE GOOD OLD WIMPY

Pilots loved to fly
The Vickers Wellington
From take off
To the end of the mission
And the final approach
When the trusty Wellington
Almost landed itself
When you cut ignition
It just let you down
Like a babe on a cushion

ROYAL FLYING CORPS - WINGS OVER CUFFLEY

With the RFC he flew
Over the country that he knew
Defending against the Zeppelin
Flying in the air so thin
Then in 1916 in the dark of night
He attacked an airship in flight
Amidst machine guns chattering sound
He brought the beast to ground
The first of his kind to do the deed
To attack a Zeppelin and succeed
The first Zeppelin kill in British skies
Robinson victorious after many tries

Flt Lt William Leefe Robinson VC
(14 July 1895 – 31 December 1918)

ROYAL FLYING CORPS – WINGS OVER FRANCE # 1

1917 with the RFC he flew
Leaving behind the land he knew
To fly against the superior Hun
When his squadron was undone
By Jasta 11, The Red Barons flight
Leaving the British four planes light
Wounded and captured on the floor
That was the end of Robinson’s war

Flt Lt William Leefe Robinson VC
(14 July 1895 – 31 December 1918)

FLT LT WILLIAM LEEFE ROBINSON VC
(14 JULY 1895 – 31 DECEMBER 1918)

Valiantly he fought
Against Zeppelins
And the Red Baron alike
A young man,
In the prime of life
Died an ironic death
Not taken by the bullet
Or by the bomb
But by the Spanish flu

ROYAL NAVAL AIR SERVICE - WINGS OVER GHENT

1915 in the RNAS he flew
When a Zeppelin came into view
In the skies over Ghent
So in hot pursuit he went
Taking heavy machine gun fire
Warneford quickly climbed higher
To take up position over head
Where soon the sky turned red
Where the bombs he dropped
Saw the Zeppelin stopped
Exploding in a ball of fire
Blowing Warneford up higher
Overturning the attacking plane
Stopping its engine,which wouldn’t start again
So he had to land on enemy soil
And in the darkness quickly toil
To restart the engins and get on his way
So he could fight another day

Flt Lt Reginald Alexander John Warneford VC
(15 October 1891 – 17 June 1915)

FLT LT REGINALD ALEXANDER JOHN WARNEFORD VC
(15 OCTOBER 1891 – 17 JUNE 1915)

Valiantly he fought
Against Zeppelins
And the patrols alike
A young man,
In the prime of life
Died an ironic death
Not taken by the bullet
Or by the bomb
But in a flying accident
When the wings folded
On a new kite
During a test flight

ROYAL FLYING CORPS - WINGS OVER FRANCE # 2

With the RFC he flew
Over where the ill wind blew
Defending the skies from the Hun
Flying where battle was done
One of Britain’s flying aces
Shooting them down in braces
Flying in the sky so free
His tally numbered 73

Major Edward Corringham "Mick" Mannock VC, DSO & Two Bars, MC & Bar (May 24, 1887 – July 26, 1918)

ROYAL FLYING CORPS – WINGS OVER FRANCE # 3

With the RFC he flew
Over where the ill wind blew
Defending the skies from the Hun
Flying where battle was done
One of Britain’s flying aces
Shooting them down in braces
Flying so close to heaven
His tally numbered 57

Flt Commander James Thomas Byford McCudden VC, DSO & Bar, MC & Bar, MM
(28 March 1895–9 July 1918)

MAJOR EDWARD CORRINGHAM "MICK" MANNOCK VC, DSO & TWO BARS, MC & BAR
(MAY 24, 1887 – JULY 26, 1918)

Valiantly he fought
Against Zeppelins
And the Red Baron alike
A young man,
In the prime of life
Died an ironic death
When helping a new arrival
Achieve his first kill
He broke his own golden rule
And followed the stricken foe
To see it crash
And was shot down
By ground fire

Major Edward Corringham "Mick" Mannock VC, DSO & Two Bars, MC & Bar (May 24, 1887 – July 26, 1918)

FLT COMMANDER JAMES THOMAS BYFORD MCCUDDEN VC, DSO & BAR, MC & BAR, MM
(28 MARCH 1895–9 JULY 1918)

Valiantly he fought
Again Zeppelins
And the Red Baron alike
A young man,
In the prime of life
Died an ironic death
Not taken by the bullet
Or by the bomb
But in a flying accident
When the engine failed
While flying a new plane
To his new command

SEX AND RELATIONSHIPS

SELF DISCIPLINED

I don’t need stimulation
Of any kind
Because I have simply
Trained my mind
To flick a switch
If I need to perform
A simple “click”
And I have the horn
I can get an erection
With a single thought
I consider myself
To be self taut

PRETTY LITTLE MARY

Pretty little Mary
Lives on the prairie
And works in the dairy
Her routine doesn’t vary

Pretty little Mary
Skips like a fairy
Sings like a canary
But is cautiously wary

Pretty little Mary
Is on the contrary
Really rather hairy
And a little bit scary

THE WIDOW’S MITE

The Vicar’s sermon
Frank and forthright
Raised the question
Of the widows mite

Quite unnecessary
In my humble view
Because in our parish
There are only two
And I know for a fact
That they both do

LOVE POEMS

WHEN I SAY

When I say, "I love you", I mean it.
Look into my eyes and believe it
Look into my heart and feel it

I BELIEVE IN SOUL MATES

I believe in soul mates
Whom you can sense long before
They come into sight
I believe mine is close

I BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT

I believe in love at first sight
That precious moment
When two people meet their match
Like a key and a lock
Coming together in synchronicity
And the abiding love
Both deep and passionate
That can be unlocked

I AM DEFINITELY READY TO SAY IT

I am definitely ready to say it
I hope she is ready to hear it
How will she take it, who knows?
I take a deep breath and here goes
I stutter and I stammer thru
She said “I know and I love you too”

NONSENSE POEMS

NONSENSE POEMS
NONSENSICAL # 5

The hand on the knee
No the bland of the tea
Or the stand of the tree
The gland of the pea
Or the band of the free
No the sand of the flea
The brand of the ski
No it’s the Land of the Free

NONSENSICAL # 6

The spa wrangled planner
No the Tsar bangled tanner
The bra strangled Hannah
Or the scar dangled manor
The car mangled spanner
Or the bar tangled scanner
No it’s the Star Spangled Banner

NONSENSICAL # 7

You can take a horse to water
But you can’t teach it to suck eggs
Do unto others before their death
Every dog has a silver lining
Every cloud has his day
Glass houses make jack a dull boy
A bird in the hand is a penny earned
A new broom sweeps many a slip
All roads lead to the stable door
Caesar's wife begins at home
Don't throw the baby out with grandma

MARRIAGE HUMOUR

MY PASTIME

My pastime is, that I like to Fish
I’d do it all the time if I got my wish
But my wife hates me doing it
And she wants me to stop doing it
I say to her it’s just my hobby
She says its just plain nobby
I say potato she says potaeto
I say tomato she says tomaeto
I say it’s just an innocent passtime
She says next time should be the last time
I say it is about the quiet peace
She says it has to cease
I say it’s appreciating the stillness
She say it’s a mental illness
She says I need to get a life
I thing I just need a different wife

I KNOW WITH CERTAINTY

I know with certainty
That nine times out of ten
When in my house
Something is broken
Or just malfunctioning
I know before I see it
The probability is
One of my kids did it
And the 10 percent of times
They are off the hook
Then I know who to blame
By my wife’s guilty look

NIGHTIE NIGHT

I was feeling fruity last night
But my wife wasn’t in the mood
She said she was too tired
For doing anything rude

But I was still feeling fruity
So I pleaded for her to succumb
Finally she said “ok”,
“Pull my nightie down when you’re done”

MY WIFE IS MAD YET

My wife is mad
Last night she snored so loud
That she woke herself up
Then she hit me
For snoring so bloody loud
That I woke her up

But to add insult onto injury
Which left me upset
I was the one who hadn’t
Even been to sleep yet

VARIOUS HUMOUR

SOME OF THEM

Some make you cringe
Some drive you mad
Some make you freeze
Some scare you bad

Some are enormous
Some are minute
Some are horrendous
Some are quite cute

Some of them jump
Some cause a rash
Some make a buzz
Some make you dash

Some make you itch
Some make you sick
Some kill you slow
Some kill you quick

Some of them bite
Some of them crawl
Some are big
Some are small
But what they share
Is that insects appal
I have to be honest
I hate them all

BAGS OF SACKS

What sacks should I use?
In the garden?
Should I use plastic?
Or maybe Hessian?

I’m not sure I care
To be quite factual
I suppose it’s because
I am bi-sacksual

A BASIC FACT

A fact remains a fact
Its logic remains intact
Its basic premice is unflawed
Even if the fact is ignored

THE PEN IS MIGHTIER THAN THE SWORD

Edward Bulwer-Lytton wrote
“The pen is mightier than the sword”
This is indeed, a fine sentiment.
That we should heartily applaud
But when faced with machine gun fire
I fear the proposition is flawed

THE FOURTH EMERGENCY SERVICE

I was driving to work this morning
It was just as the day was dawning
And I noticed a parked up AA van
And next to it was a crying man
But properly weeping and wailing
Down on his knees with arms flailing
I just shook my head with a frown
I knew he was headed for a breakdown

HOLIDAY RELATED HUMOUR

BATHING DRESS

When the bikini replaced the bathing suit
They were brief, but also rather chic
But the briefness was, nonetheless,
Still sufficient to cover both cheeks

DON’T GO IN THE WATER

I don’t like swimming in the sea
I don’t care what you say it’s not for me
Its not that I’m scared of sharks or eels
Or that I don’t like how a jelly fish feels
It’s not even because of stone fish stings
Or the flotsam and jetsam the tide brings
You may think my phobia quite absurd
But I can’t be swimming along with a turd

BEFORE AND AFTER AT THE SALON

Before

Well you look a little sallow
Right down to the marrow
What you need is a drop of sun
In a bottle I have the very one
Just go into the salon
And you can put some colour on

After

Well my dear fellow
You’ve gone a little yellow
I think a touch too much
In fact much too much
Of the prescribed fake tan
How will you pay Mr Marzipan?