Monday 10 December 2007

Christmas Stuff

POISONOUS POINSETTIAS

Since the early part of the 20th century a rumor has persisted that Poinsettias are poisonous.
For over eighty years this rumor has continued to circulate because of an alleged incident in 1919 when the two year old child of an Army office allegedly died after eating a Poinsettia leaf.
It was never proved by medicine or science and no other incidents have been reported but the rumor persists.
Even if they are not poisonous don’t eat them anyway not at Christmas on any other time.

THE PEASANT GIRL AND THE POINSETTIA ANGEL

A Mexican legend tells of the reason for the Poinsettia becoming the Christmas flower.
There was a poor peasant girl really wanted to take a gift to honor the Virgin Mary at the Christmas Eve service but she had nothing to give.
Although she was very upset and disappointed she knew she still had to go to the service and she decided that she would have to go with nothing.
On the way to the church she was met by an angel, who asked her why she was sad.
The peasant girl told the angel it was because she had no gift for the virgin.
The angel told the girl to pick some weeds.
The girl was a little unconvinced that weeds would be suitable but she did it anyway.
She turned back towards the angle to show her the bunch of weeds she had picked as saw that they had been transformed into the bright scarlet 'flowers'.
Ever since that miracle poinsettias have graced churches and homes during the Christmas festival.

TURKEY

A stuffed turkey still occupies pride of place on many a traditional Christmas table.
The Turkey was first brought to Europe from Mexico by the Spanish in the 16th century.
It was very quickly domesticated in Spain, France and England and soon dislodged the goose as the traditional festive bird.

THE FESTIVAL OF SAN NICOLA

In Italy the big San Nicola festival commemorates the event of 1087 when the mortal remains of St. Nicholas where brought to Bari.
Many Christians were sufficiently concerned after the Turks occupied Myra they would no longer be permitted to visit the Saints tomb.
So a group of Italian sailors spirited them away to Bari where a huge was Cathedral was built in his honor.
At the festival every May, Nicola's statue is taken out to sea for a day and then Thousands welcome it back to Bari with a lighted procession winding from the harbor to a public square.
The mayor and other dignitaries greet the statue and address the crowds. The week-long celebration includes a solemn high mass in the basilica which is filled to over-flowing with devout worshipers.

THE ROSE, THE CLOVE AND THE SAGE

As King Herod’s savage minions systematically scoured the countryside around Bethlehem, cutting the throats of any newborns they came across, Mary and Joseph fled across the mountains of Judea.
Seeing a village ahead, Joseph ran on to ask for hospitality but alas the people would not help.
While Mary was alone, seated by the roadside nursing the child Joseph took the donkey to drink from the well.
Then she heard shouts getting closer and the ground shook under the hooves of approaching horses. Then she realized it must be Herod’s soldiers.
She had to hide but she could see no where suitable no rocks or caves or even a tree.
The only thing Mary could see was a bush where a rose was beginning to bloom.
She walked to the bush and said "Rose, beautiful rose, please open out your petals and hide this child who they want to kill and his poor half-dead mother." The rose replied, "Get on your way, young woman, and quickly in case the butchers brush by me and blemish my beautiful bloom. Go and see the clove over there. Tell her to shelter you. She has enough flowers to hide you."
She walked to the clove and said "Clove, pretty Clove, please open your branches and hide this child who they want to kill and his poor half-dead mother." The clove replied, "On your way, you wretched creature. I don’t have time to listen to you. I am too busy producing blooms all over. Go and see the sage plant over there. She has nothing better to do than dispense charity."
She walked to the bush and said "Sage, good Sage, please lift up your leaves and hide this child who they want to kill and his poor half-dead mother." The sage plant then burst out in such abundant blossoms so as to cover all the earth and its velvety leaves made a canopy for the Christ child and His mother to shelter under
On the road, Herod's men passed by and saw nothing. At the sound of the soldiers passing, Mary shivered in terror but the baby smiled as he was caressed by the leaves. Then the soldiers were gone.
When Herod's men were gone, Mary and Jesus came out from their green refuge. “Sage, holy sage, thank you. I bless you for your good deed which will always be remembered.”
Then Joseph found them, with the donkey which had been restored by a huge serving of barley which a kindly man had given him. Mary remounted the donkey, and hugged her precious child.
When Michael, the Archangel of God, descended from the realms of Heaven to keep them company and show them the way to Egypt.
Since that time the rose has had thorns, the clove has foul smelling flowers and the sage plant is used to cure many ills.

KRSNA SLAVA

The Orthodox Christian families in Serbia and Montenegro all have there own patron saint.
Each family then celebrates the Saints feast day with a unique Serbian Orthodox religious tradition in the form of Thanksgiving.
This is done on the anniversary of when their ancestors were baptized because when Serbians accepted Christianity whole families, villages or tribes where baptized at the same time.
The same saint is passed down through the generations.
Sveti Nikola or St. Nicholas is the patron saint for more than half of all the Serbian families and as a result many people celebrate on the 6th of December, either with their own family or as a guest elsewhere.
This is the Krsna Slava.
Krsna Slava is not just feasting, singing, and festival, but more importantly it’s a time of spiritual renewal and rededication to the Orthodox faith and church.
The Slava is also a family reunion usually held in the home of the family's oldest living member to commemorate the patron saint.
An Icon of the family's patron saint is on display and a candle, for Christ the Light of the World is lit.A boiled wheat dish, representing Christ's death and resurrection is served with Slava bread decorated with cross and seal, for Jesus Christ the Bread of Life.Red wine, for the blood of Christ's washing away sin.A priest blesses the home and all within and all offer the prayer of Thanksgiving before the icon.
Serbian Orthodox observes Krsna Slava wherever they are live, not just in Serbia.
It is a very important day for the Serbian Orthodox church.

SANTA’S SOJOURN

Since the 1950s Santa Claus has, once the Christmas rush is over of course, happily sojourned at Napapiiri, near Rovaniemi in the artic circle.
While there he has always been more than happy to meet children and the young at heart.
His visits to Napapiiri had become such a regular occurrence that in 1985 he established his own Santa Claus Office there.
He is available almost every day of the year to hear the children’s requests and to talk to children who have arrived from around the world.
A Village is now well established and it is now the location of Santa's main Post Office, which receives Christmas letters from children in every corner of the world.

THE LATVIAN WAY

The Latvians believe that the gift giver brings presents on each of the 12 days of Christmas starting on Christmas Eve and ending on epiphany, which is celebrated on January 6.
Usually the presents are put under the family Christmas tree.
What a lovely idea to spread Christmas magic out a little longer.

SANTA SCOOP

In 1925, a story was leaked to the international press claiming that due to a lack of grazing for the reindeer Santa Claus had to relocate from the North Pole.
The newspapers revelations when on to claim that Santa Claus had, in fact, moved his entire operation to Finnish Lapland.
There was a great deal of speculation about the validity of the claims until In 1927 "Uncle Markus" or Markus Rautio, who compared the popular "Children's hour" on Finnish public radio, revealed more information about the great secret for the first time.
He not only confirmed the newspaper reports of two years earlier that Santa Claus had moved to Lapland but even went on to name the place Korvatunturi translated as "Ear Fell" which is situated on Finland's eastern frontier.

MOLFETTA

On St. Nicholas Eve, The children in the Italian city of Molfetta, on the Adriatic coast, put a plate on the table with a letter asking for gifts and promising to be good in the coming year.
Austria
In Austria St. Nicholas, is honored throughout the land and It is said that as a reward for his generosity God allowed him to return to earth each year to bring gifts to all the good children of the world.

TORTUOUS TUNE

Christmas has inevitably become the time of year when every man and his dog decides to release a Christmas song.
Most of which would be instantly forgettable if it were not for the operators of supermarkets, department stores, shopping centers and hotels.
The insidious recordings of the Christmas wannaby’s are on a spooled tape which is played discriminately on shop floors, concourses, hotel lobbies and elevators inflicting customers and staff alike with the tortuous tones from October onwards.

CELTIC YULE

The Celts used to bring a large log indoors as a tribute to the sun god this was called the Yule log.
Celts in Cornwall, during the Christmas reveling would chalk a symbol of a man on the Yule log in a cheery reference to the human sacrifices who used to be thrown on the bonfire.

JAPANESE MANDARINS

In Canada Japanese oranges have a special meaning to the people who live on the Canadian Prairies.
The arrival of a gift from the East, at the coldest time of the year has brightened many homes and Christmas feasts for over a hundred years.
It is believed by many that the festive season only really begins when Santa Claus welcomes the first shipment of Japanese mandarin oranges at the Port of Vancouver.
The shipment of fruit is accompanied by young Japanese girls dressed in tradition kimonos.
On Christmas morning the wonderful fruit is found in many a child's Christmas stocking.

THE NORWEGIAN TREE

The Christmas tree that stands in Trafalgar square every is the traditional Christmas gift to the people of Britain
Every year since 1947 the city of Oslo in Norway has presented the city of Westminster, London with a christmas tree.
The first tree was a token of Norwegian appreciation of British friendship and support during the Second World War.
After the German forces invaded Norway in 1940, king Haakon vii was helped to escape Britain and a Norwegian government in exile was set up in London.
To the Norwegian people, London came to represent the spirit of freedom as during the dark days of occupation.
It was from London that the latest news was broadcast in Norwegian.
Also there were concealed messages for resistance groups where also broadcast at the same time.
The radio transmittion's became a life line for the Norwegian people.
The tree is a powerful symbol of the close and warm relationship between the peoples of Britain and Norway.
The Norwegians are as proud to present there token of friendship as are the people of Britain to receive it.
The tree is a Norwegian spruce and is chosen from the forests surrounding Oslo with great care.
A particular tree can be earmarked for Trafalgar square for anything from several months to a couple of years in advance.
The tree is usually 70 ft tall and in the region of 50 years old.
The Norwegian foresters responsible for its care describe it fondly as 'the queen of the forest'.
The tree is felled one day in November in the presence of the British ambassador to Norway and the mayor’s of Oslo and Westminster they even take active part in the felling.
As part of the ceremony local schoolchildren sing Christmas carols and 'forest coffee' and sandwiches are served.
The tree is then shipped across the North Sea to England and then by special transport to Trafalgar square.
The operation to erect the tree takes several hours a scaffolding tower is erected so the tree can be winched upright.
The base of the trees trunk is pushed four feet into the ground and it is then secured with a dozen’s of wooden wedges.
With no other form of support the tree stands unsupported again as it did in the forest.
The lighting ceremony takes place in the dusky early evening of the first Thursday in December.
A band play’s loudly and a choir sings Christmas carols as the mayor of Westminster arrives with other officials in his party.
Then after due ceremony and a flick of a switch the Christmas tree comes alive, in line with Norwegian tradition all the lights are white; the tree turns into a twinkling mass of white lights.
Carols are sung by the choir of nearby St martin-in-the-fields, and carol concerts are held in the square.
A crib is provided by the vicar of St. Martin-in-the-fields and it is placed on the west side of the square.
The passing public may stop on their way home from work and join the carol singers every night until Christmas.

CROATIAN CHRISTMAS

In northern and central Croatia Sveti Nikola brings gifts to children on December 6th. It has always been the main day for gift-giving. Even though under communist rule Christian holidays were frowned upon most families still celebrated in private.
On the eve of the saint’s day, children polish their boots until they gleam and then place them on a windowsill to await the good Saint.
The next morning the good children's shoes are filled to over flowing with candy, fruit, and gifts.
A devil accompanies St Nicholas, leaves golden twigs for naughty children.
The naughtier the child the bigger the twig.
Actually all the children get a twig just as a warning but also each one gets sweets as well.

THE SLAVA CANDLE

After the Krsna Slava ceremony In Serbia & Montenegro the Slava candle is never blown out.
It has to be extinguished with wine from a glass and then the glass is passed arround for each member of the family to take a sip.
This symbolizes the constancy and unity of the family within the orthodox faith.

CANDY CANE LANE

In one of the wealthier districts of Edmonton the residents try to out-do each other by decorating the outsides of there homes.
The competitive nature of the streets occupiers has reached the point that the street has become known as "Candy cane Lane."

THE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS

In many cities arround the world On Christmas Day and Boxing Day the destitute and homeless served a festive meal by teams of volunteers who give up there time and sacrifice there own Christmas festivities to help those less fortunate than themselves.

KUGELS

The first glass ornaments tree were a kind of glass ball called Kugels, and were believed to protect homes from evil spirits. These were first produced at Lauscha in Germany around 1830.

THE RUSSIAN ORTHODOX SAINT

The Orthodox Church in Russia recognized St. Nicholas as a miracle worker and he was held in a position of great esteem.
It was in honor of St Nicholas because he helped children and the poor that Russia's oldest church was built.

KRAMPUS

In Austria, Krampus, a strange and frightening devil like creature accompanies St. Nicholas. Krampus The devil figure is in chains and is dressed in fur with a scary mask with a long red tongue.
He carries a wooden stick to threaten children naughty children who misbehave but St. Nicholas never lets the creature hurt anyone.

ALL AT ONCE

In the not so distant past, there was a tradition of giving gifts throughout all of the twelve days of Christmas rather than finding them all stacked up on Christmas morning.
The tradition, perhaps not surprisingly, never quite caught on in America.

PROTECTOR OF THE WEAK

In Russia Nicholas is greatly revered as the protector of the weak from the strong, the oppressed from the oppressor, and the poor from the rich.
He is regarded as the Christian champion of the disadvantaged and In the Orthodox tradition he is the known as the Wonder or Miracle Worker.

MASTER OF WIND AND TEMPEST

In Greece St. Nicholas or Nikolaos is the patron saint and his primary role is as the protector of sailors and men of the sea.
To honor the saints day, small fishing boats, are decorated with blue and white lights.
He is considered the master of wind and tempest and Greek ships of all sizes carry an Icon of him.
The sailors will light a candle before the icon and pray for safe passage and if a vessel is in danger the captain prays to the saint promising solemnly to make an offering of a small symbolic representation of there ship made of silver, gold, or wood, in the event of safely making port.
On there safe return to port, the captain and his crew take the representation of their ship to church in thanksgiving for their safe return.

CHRISTMAS VILLAGES

In North America there is a long standing tradition of placing little villages of little houses at the foot of the Christmas trees.
The origins of the practise are unclear although the general consensus appears to be that Christmas villages began as over elaborate additions to a tradition Nativity scene.
This practice was probably taken to North America by the Moravians who emigrated from Germany to the United States in 1741, and established the town of Bethlehem in Pennsylvania.
The Moravian tradition involves adding to the Nativity dozens, sometimes more, of hand made figures, houses, waterfalls, bridges, churches creating a winter wonderland.
Then in the early 20th century Sets of small buildings began to be commercially produced.

TREE SKIRTS

Skirts or Rugs for the base of the Christmas tree have become an indispensable addition to the festive décor but originally they had a more practical use and were meant to protect floors against the dripping of candle wax. The first commercial rugs depicted Santa Claus driving a sleigh drawn by eight reindeer.

Friday 7 December 2007

Christmas stuff

THE TINSEL WIDOW
The Christian legend of the origins of tinsel concerns a poor widow who was left alone to care for her large family.
It was the first Christmas since the death of her husband and she was determined to make Christmas as special as she could possibly could for her children.
The poor widow worked every hour god sent her washing, cleaning and baking for the town’s people.
She went to the nearby forest and cut a Christmas tree for the house but it was a struggle for them to survive on her meager income and they could afford no decorations for it.
Instead she and her children made decorations for the tree they made snowflakes from scraps of paper and garlands from strips of old cloth and for baubles they used pine cones.
Working together they trimmed it as beautifully as they could with what little they had.
Spiders invaded the tree as they slept and as they crawled from branch to branch they left their shimmering webs behind them.
A watching angel knowing the family would be devastated by what the spiders had done transformed the webs into shimmering strands of silver.
When they awoke next morning they could not believe there eyes and they did indeed have a very special Christmas.

CHRISTMAS GIFTS

People have different perceptions as to the custom of The exchanging of Christmas presents some say it can be traced back to an ancient Roman custom of gift-giving which was practiced at the festival of Saturnalia.
It would certainly appear easy to make the transition from making an offering to a pagan deity to giving a gift.
Others believe that when the custom was Christianized the reason for gift-giving was attributed to represent the gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh that the Magi brought from the East when they sought out the newborn Jesus Christ.
But the most popular belief by far is that the custom is derived from the greatest gift-giver of all St Nicholas.

THE TINSEL ANGELS

One Christmas legend tells that as a child Jesus Christ was decorating a tree helped by a chorus of angels.
One of the angels got their hair caught on the branches of the tree as they where leaving and it instantly transformed into fine strands of silver tinsel.

IRISH SUPERSTITION

A Christmas superstition In Ireland holds that the gates of Heaven open at midnight on Christmas Eve and all those who die on Christmas Day will go straight to Heaven.

THE HANGING OF GREENS - HOLLY

The hanging of greens, such as Holly, Ivy and Mistletoe is a British winter tradition with origins far before the Christian era.
Greenery was used to lift people’s spirits during the long winter and remind them that spring was not far away.
Although holly is the only traditional decorative green which remains of the once famous duo of Holly and Ivy both have an ancient association with the winter festivities.
The Romans used holly during their Solstice celebration, known as Saturnalia and it had a close association with the God Dionysus.
Holly boughs were given as gifts during Saturnalia as it was believed to protect against lightening strikes and ward off evil spirits.
The Druids also held holly in very high esteem as a plant of death and regeneration.
The ancient custom was to decorate the doorway with intertwined garlands of holly and ivy which represented unity between the dual halves of divinity the Holly with its red berries representing the color of life and life’s blood was the Goddess and female while Ivy was the eternal representation of consort to the goddess and there fore was masculine in nature.
The Tradition stands that the first in the household whether male or female to bring Holly into the house would rule the roost for the coming year.
When Christianity spread across Europe, holly became synonymous with the word "holy."
It invoked great symbolism, its prickly leaves represented the crown of thorns worn by Jesus and the bright red berries represent the drops of blood He shed on the cross.
Legend tells that the berries of the holly plant were once yellow in color but were stained red by the blood of Christ.
Holly as with all the evergreen’s holly symbolizes eternal life.

BORN ON CHRISTMAS DAY # 1

Princess Alexandra was born on Christmas day 1936 at 3, Belgrave Square in London.Conrad Hilton the founder of the hotel chain was born 1887
Dorothy Wordsworth the English prose writer and younger sister of poet William Wordsworth was born in 1771 in Cockermouth Cumbria.
Sir Isaac Newton the renowned scientist was born near Grantham in Lincolnshire, on December 25, 1642
And Humphrey Deforest Bogart was born on Christmas day in 1899 in New York.

THE HANGING OF GREENS - GARLANDS

The hanging of greens, such as Holly, Ivy and Mistletoe is a British winter tradition with origins far before the Christian era.
Greenery was used to lift people’s spirits during the long winter and remind them that spring was not far away.
The original Garlands were made by intertwining Holly and Ivy into thick vines of greenery and used in the ancient custom to decorate doorways.
The Holly and Ivy represented the unity between the dual halves of divinity the Holly was the Goddess and was feminine while the Ivy was the eternal consort to the goddess and there fore was masculine in nature.
The modern Garlands are very colorful but they are artificial and have no other purpose than to look nice.

SILVER TINSEL
It was in Germany that tinsel was first invented and it was made from real silver.
A crude machine was used to shred the silver into thin strips which were then twisted onto a central wire.
This was indeed a luxury product although and obviously only available to the privileged classes.
However the silver tinsel did not last for ever as Silver would tarnish and lose its shine in time.
Despite its lack of longevity however it remained in use by those who could afford it until a cheaper artificial alternative was invented.
BELLS

On Christmas morning since medieval times Church bells are rung on Christmas morning to announce to the world the birth of Jesus Christ.
A legend has it that the bells were rung for an hour before midnight on the first Christmas Eve to warm the forces of darkness of the imminent arrival of the Saviour and at the stroke of midnight the pitch of the bells changed into a joyous peal.
The sounding of the bells had another purpose namely to announce the death of the Devil which would come to pass upon by the coming of Jesus Christ.
This is why the church bell is also known as 'the Old Lad's Passing bell', 'Old Lad' being a euphemism for Satan.
The pealing bells also chase away evil spirits which easy repelled by any joyous sound.
The bells also have more frivolous uses than announcing the Saviour on Christmas morning.
The bells are often used as Christmas tree decorations and also they adorn Christmas cards.
Traditionally Wassailers would use bells to announce their presence by ringing them and Father Christmas has jingling bells accompanying the progress of his sleigh.

THE BOARS HEAD

Serving a roasted boar's head was for many years associated with Christmas feasting in England.
It probably harks back to the Norse custom of sacrificing a boar at Yuletide in honor of the Norse god Freyr.
A more amusing telling of the story relates to a student at Oxford's Queen’s College who was attacked one Christmas Day by a wild boar.
As the Boar charged the poor student was armed with nothing more lethal than a copy of Aristotle, so with all his strength he thrust the book down the boar's throat killing it in its tracks.
The student however wanted his book back so he cut off the animal's head which he took back to the college where it was served for Christmas dinner amidst much pomp and ceremony.

CAROL SINGING

The custom of singing carols at Christmas is of English origin which began in the middle ages.
In the beginning the singing of Christmas carols was known as 'wassailing'.
But this soon changed and the singers became known as carolers when groups of serenaders called "waits" would travel around from house to house singing ancient carols and spreading the holiday spirit.
The word "carol" means "song of joy."
The reason Christmas carols became so popular was that the angels sang when they appeared to the shepherds at Bethlehem to announce the birth of Jesus Christ's.
The original meaning of a carol is quite different to what we imagine it to be today for a carol was once a secular dance which was performed at any time of the year.
People danced around in a circle holding hands and singing songs.
The dance reminded onlookers of a coronet so they called it a 'carol'. The name was transferred later on from the dance to the song itself. Carols
By the 16th century carols were sung only at Christmas time and at one time only Bishops and clergy were permitted to sing carols in church.
But carols became too popular amongst the public to be confined to church and were soon sung in the streets.
A true Carol tells the story in song of the birth of Christ and is sung during period leading up to Christmas.

CHRISTMAS DATE
It was in the 4th century when The Catholic Church decided to celebrate Christmas on December 25th.
The idea behind it was a simple enough one in that they wanted to eclipse the festivities of a rival pagan religion that threatened Christianity's existence.
At that time of the year The Romans celebrated the birthday of their sun god, Mithras.
Church leaders decided that in order to compete with the pagan’s they needed a festival of there own at the same time so they chose to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ.
And it worked.

THE HANGING OF GREENS - WREATHS

The hanging of greens, such as Holly, Ivy and Mistletoe is a British winter tradition with origins far before the Christian era.
Greenery was used to lift people’s spirits during the long winter and remind them that spring was not far away.
The holly wreath with its red berries and other decorations dates back to the 17th century.
The roundness of the Wreath and the sharpness of its pointed Holly leaves symbolized Christ's crown-of-thorns and its Red berries the drops of Christ's blood.
The wreath was intertwined with red ribbons to express the festive spirit and the evergreen leaves stood for everlasting life and promised faithfulness to the Lord.
The Wreath which is traditionally displayed on the front door of a home during the weeks of Advent and the Christmas season once was a multiple role.
Harking back to its pagan origins the wreath was believed to protect a home from evil spirits and during the Middle Ages the red Holly berries were thought to keep witches at bay.
A wreath on the door at Christmas signified a home that celebrated the birth of Christ.

SILENT NIGHT

On the morning of Christmas Eve in 1818, an Austrian priest called Joseph Mohr, was told that the church organ was broken and would not be repaired in time for the Christmas Eve service.
He was so saddened at the prospect of Christmas without music that he decided he would try to write a carol that could be sung by the choir and be accompanied by guitar music.
So Joseph sat down and wrote three stanzas and later that night the people in the little Austrian Church in Oberndorff sang "Stille Nacht" for the first time.

DEVON SUPERSTITION

If, on Christmas Eve, in the county of Devon, a girl knocks on the henhouse door and a rooster crows, she will be married within the year.

ARTIFICIAL TREES
As so many Christmas innovations artificial trees originated in Germany towards the end of the 1800’s.
The trees were formed from Metal wire and covered with feathers Goose, Turkey, Ostrich or Swan and the feathers would be died green to imitate pine needles.
Then In the 1930's, the Addis Brush Company in America created the first artificial-brush trees.
They used the same machinery as that used to make their toilet brushes.
It was in 1950 that The Addis 'Silver Pine' tree was patented.

The tree was designed to have a revolving light source under it which would shine through colored gels casting different shades of light as it revolved beneath the tree.
Not a million miles away from the fiber optic trees we have today.

WASSAIL

Wassail, which was much liked by the English, accompanied hearty Christmas meals.
The word 'wassail' dates back to the pre-Christian times and practices and is derived from the Anglo Saxon phrase waes hael which meant "be thou well" or "good health.
Originally, wassail was a beverage made of mulled ale, curdled cream, roasted apples, nuts, eggs, and spices and it was served for the purpose of enhancing the general merriment of the season.
A toast was traditionally offered with a drink at regular intervals and normally with little or no reason.
It was important that after well wishers had shared in the spirit of the toast and taken a sip that they top up the bowl.
The wassail bowl had to remain full from Christmas Eve to Twelfth Night
And much care was taken to ensure that it did in order to ensure the continuity of good cheer throughout this festive season.
The wassail bowl would be carried from room to room often accompanied by the singing of festive songs which is perhaps why the early practise of carol singing was referred to as 'wassailing’.
Part of the Wassailing ritual was more concerned in seeing nature renew itself in the spring and the belief in its ability to magically bestow fertility on one and all.

THE HANGING OF GREENS – IVY

The hanging of greens, such as holly, ivy and Mistletoe is a British winter tradition with origins far before the Christian era.
Greenery was used to lift people’s spirits during the long winter and remind them that spring was not far away.
Ivy, the accepted symbol of friendship, like Holly and Mistletoe, has since pagan times been used as a decoration at festivals.
The ancient custom was to decorate the doorway with intertwined garlands of Holly and Ivy which represented unity between the dual halves of divinity the Holly was the Goddess and female while Ivy was the eternal representation of consort to the goddess and there fore was masculine in nature.
In pagan religions Ivy had been a symbol of eternal life while the Christians believe it stands for the new promise of eternal life.
The Romans used Ivy as part of celebrations related to the god Bacchus, whose worshippers were thought to have worn Ivy crowns.
We rarely decorate our houses with ivy anymore at Christmas but many homes have potted ivy plants in the home all year round.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER
- THE BISHOPS WIFE
The 1947 film “The Bishop's Wife” Tells the tale of An Episcopal Bishop, Henry Brougham played by David Niven, who has been working for months on the plans for a new cathedral paid for by a selfish and stubborn widow Mrs. Hamilton, Gladys Cooper.
As a result he begins to lose sight of his wife, Julia, Loretta Young and family and of why he joined the church in the first place.
So Dudley, an angel, Cary Grant, is sent to help him.
Dudley help’s everyone he meets, but not always in the way they would have chosen.
None the less everyone liked Dudley except Henry.
As Christmas approaches Henry begins to believe that Dudley is there to replace him, at work, and in his family’s affections.
A gem of a movie.

THE CANDY CANE
The humble candy cane has been around for nearly four hundred years.
It was during the seventeenth century when European Christians began the use of Christmas trees as part of their Christmas celebrations and they began making special edible decorations for their trees.
The first of these decorations were cookies and sugar-sticks.
It was very soon after the all-white candy canes were given out to children after a nativity service that sweet makers both professional and amateur began making the straight hard white sugar-sticks.
The custom of clergymen handing out candy canes after Christmas services spread throughout Europe and then later to America.
There is an historical reference that a choirmaster at cologne cathedral bent a candy stick into the shape of a shepherds crook as early as 1670.
The canes remained all white and straight but sometimes the confectioners would add sugar-roses to embellish the canes.
It was at the start of the 20th century that the canes acquired their familiar red stripes.
Great religious significance has been bestowed upon the humble candy cane for example the white indicates the purity of our lord, the three stripes represent the holy trinity the red is for the blood of Christ and the crook on its top is for the shepherds.
The hardness of the candy represents the church's foundation on solid rock and the peppermint flavor the use of hyssop, an herb referred to in the Old Testament.
And last but by no means least if you turn the cane upside down you have a letter “j” which, yes you’ve guessed it is for Jesus.
There is no historical evidence to support these claims, quite the contrary, but they are lovely thoughts.
Around the same time as the stripe arrived so did the flavorings, Peppermint and wintergreen and they have remained unchanged ever since.
During the 1950’s a catholic priest called Gregory Keller is credited with invented a machine which automated candy cane production.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER
- CHRISTMAS IN CONNECTICUT
The 1945 film “Christmas in Connecticut” tells the amusing story of a magazine writer, played by Barbara Stanwyck, famous for being an expert cook and homemaker who has to entertain a war hero (Dennis Morgan) and her employer (Sydney Greenstreet) at her Connecticut home.
The only snag being that she can only write about homemaking and as for cooking she can’t even boil water.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER
- IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE

No Christmas would be complete with watching Frank Capra’s 1946 classic “It’s A Wonderful Life”.
It was not a success at the box office at the time but it is now one of the most popular and heartwarming films ever made.
A typical performance by the ever dependable James Stewart is supported by the beautiful Donna Reed and playing the grasping villain of the piece Lionel Barrymore.
The film is a slightly dark almost bittersweet tale of a savings and loan manager, and a bit an Earnest do-gooder George Bailey (James Stewart) who struggles against a greedy banker and his own self-doubting nature in a small town.
After suffering a financial catastrophe he see suicide as a possible solution to his predicament only to be rescued by a whimsical, endearing, trainee-angel named Clarence (Henry Travers).
Bailey after years of feeling trapped in a small town finally recognizes his life as wonderful and truly rich.
It’s definitely not the kind of film that would be made today as nobody writes happy endings anymore.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER
- MIRACLE ON 34TH STREET
There have been two versions of Miracle on 34th Street and both are well worth watching.
The 1947 version starred Maureen O'Hara and John Payne with Edmund Gwenn as Kris Kringle while in 1994 there parts were played by Elizabeth Perkins, Dylan McDermott and Richard Attenborough.
It’s the story of a child brought up by her mother not to believe in Santa Claus however the mother unknowingly employs Kris Kringle to be Santa Claus at Macy’s department store.
Eventually he has to go to trial to prove he is the real Santa.
Apart from being hugely enjoyable films they both have in common the fact that the child stole the show in each case.
Natalie Wood in the original and Mara Wilson in the remake, both were a delight.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER
- WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING

The 1995 film 'While You Were Sleeping' is the story of a lonely young woman, Lucy Eleanor Moderatz (Sandra Bullock) who lives alone in an apartment in Chicago, with only her cat.
She works in the token booth at a subway station and fanaticizes about being rescued from her lot by a handsome stranger, Peter, who comes to her booth.
Then on Christmas day her world is turned upside down when the handsome stranger is mugged and pushed onto the tracks and she saves his life.
After a mix up at the hospital Lucy is introduced to Peter’s eccentric family as his fiancée.
This begins an amusing chain of events, during which Lucy finds the friendship and sense of belonging to a family which had been missing from her life and as a result she can’t bring herself to tell the family the truth.
Then she falls in love with Peter’s brother Jack (Bill Pullman).
It’s a truly heart warming love story not to be missed.

POINSETTIA THE FLOWER OF THE HOLY NIGHT

The Poinsettia is named after the USA's first ambassador to Mexico, Joel Robert Poinsett, who served from 1825-1829.
He saw and was greatly taken with the colorful indigenous plant which was the Mexican Christmas flower.
The Aztecs called Poinsettias "Cuetlaxochitle." And between the 14th and 16th centuries the sap was used to control fevers and the red leaves were used to make dye.
Montezuma, the last of the Aztec kings was particularly fond of Poinsettias and had them brought especially to what is now Mexico City because the shrub could not be grown at high altitude.
Poinsett took some specimen plants with him on one of his trips back to America in 1828 and they flourished.
Despite an outstanding career as a United States Congressman and an ambassador he will always be remembered for introducing the Poinsettia into the United States.
the Mexicans believed the plants were symbolic of the Star of Bethlehem because of the star shapes created by the bright red leaves Thus the Poinsettia became associated with the Christmas season.
The Mexicans call the poinsettia "Flower of the Holy Night".

Wednesday 5 December 2007

Christmas Stuff

THE ORIGINS OF THE CHRISTMAS TREE – THE VICTORIAN WAY

For the Victorians, the ideal Christmas tree had to be six branches tall and it was placed on a table covered with a white damask tablecloth. The tree was then decorated with garlands, assorted candies and delicate paper flowers.

PLUM PUDDING

Plum pudding is a famous and almost typically English dessert.
It got its name of plum pudding in the 17th century because plum was one of the ingredients.
But quite why they settled on plum pudding as the plum was only one of more than two dozen of the finely chopped ingredients folded into the dough.
The finished steamed pudding adorned with a sprig of holly would be brought flaming to the table and served with great ceremony.

THE YULE LOG

The Yule log custom existed in most Europeans countries and dates back as far as the 12th century.
The custom happened on Christmas Eve when an enormous log of freshly cut wood predictably called the Yule log would be carried to the house amidst great ceremony.
It would be placed on the hearth On Christmas Eve, by the master of the house would make a traditional libation by sprinkling the trunk with a combination of oil, salt and mulled wine and say an appropriate prayer.
If possible the young girls of the household would light the log with splinters from the previous year’s log which would have been kept safely stored away. If no young girls were available the honor and privilege fell to the mother of the house.
Superstition says that the cinders of the burnt log should be kept to protect the house from a variety of mishaps including lightning strikes and even protect against the malevolent attentions of the devil.
The tradition had all but died out by the end of the 19th century mainly due to changes in the way houses were heated the magnificent hearths of the great house began to be replaced by boilers of stoves and then in the 20th century houses began to be built with no fireplace at all.
The great Yule log has now been replaced by a small log decorated with candles, holly and other Christmas embellishments to be placed in the centre of the Christmas table as a festive decoration.
Also today we have the marvelous Yule log cake which is a firm favorite it our house made from a delicious Swiss roll cake covered in chocolate icing and sugared decorations.

THE CHRISTMAS CAKE

Christmas fruit cake is derived from the famous English Christmas or plum pudding.
The recipe was much simpler with fewer ingredients although it included large quantities of candied fruit, raisins, dates and nuts and is generally prepared long in advance of Christmas and is liberally laced with Brandy.
Like plum pudding it would originally have been flaming when served but in time this changed and soon the cakes were being decorated with marzipan and icing instead.

THE HUMBLE MINCE PIE
The mince pie was originally oblong in shape which was supposed to symbolize the cradle of Christ.
The pie was covered with a thick crusty pastry cover which had an indentation in the center in which a small doll also made from pastry supposed to be the Christ child was placed.
The original mince pie was filled with minced lamb's tongue and mutton.
It wasn’t until returning medieval Crusaders brought back spices from the East which replaced the meat filling.
It was also at this time the pies became the familiar round shape.
Even though few people are aware of their origins the mince pie remains one of the most popular Christmas treats.

CHRISTMAS CANDLES – A DIVINE LIGHT

The lighting of candles during religious festivals precedes Christianity by many centuries originally part of pagan ritual practiced by early sun worshippers. When Christianity was well established the church tried in vain to eradicate the ritual use of candles.
Then in the spirit of “if you can’t beat them join them” they gradually incorporated the lighting of candles into Christian services.
The candles were invested with a new meaning and they came to symbolize the divine light that illuminated the world, Christ.

CHRISTMAS CANDLES – A SIGN

There is a popular belief that candles are used at Christmas as a rememberance of people at the time of Jesus Christ's birth.
These people are said to have put lighted candles in their windows as a signal to Mary and Joseph that they would be welcome in their homes.

BRIGHT AND MORNING STAR

The star is eternally linked to Christmas and takes pride of place at the very top of the Christmas tree.
When we look at the star we should recall the star seen 'in the East' by the three wise men.
On Christmas Eve In ceremonies all over the world the Christmas celebration begins with the arrival of the first star.
In various traditional ceremonies from Poland to Alaska the Festival of the Star is celebrated in various forms.
The Christmas star is a powerful symbol to Christians in the Bible it is called "the bright and morning star."

AN IRISH BOXING DAY

St. Stephen's Day in Ireland is celebrated in a different way, but is similar to Boxing Day in other places in so much as it also has to do with the solicitation of money.
The Young men is extravagant dress with some of them wearing masks parade through the streets noisily in what is known as the Wren Boys' Procession.
The young men carry a long pole on top of which is attached a holly bush and the bush is supposed to contain a captured wren, and it’s for the wren sake the young men beg for money.

OLD YEARS NIGHT IN SCOTLAND

In Scotland Christmas has been celebrated with considerably less exuberance than elsewhere in the British Isles although that has changed latterly.
The Scots have always reserved their merriment for New Year's Eve, which they call Hogmanay.
The word Hogmanay is believed to derive from a kind of oatcake that was given to children on New Year's Eve as part of the tradition.
The “first footer” is the first person to set foot across the threshold in a house after midnight on New Year’s Eve.
The superstition is thought to profoundly affect the fortunes of the inhabitants it should if possible be a stranger preferably dark-haired but fair-haired is ok if that’s all you can get.
This tradition is generally known as "first footing."

BOXING DAYOver the Christmas season alms boxes are placed in churches to collect for the poor and these are what are opened on Boxing Day the day after Christmas day.
The contents of the boxes are then handed out to the poor of the parish on December 26th, Boxing Day, also known as the Feast of St Stephen.
Stephen was a Christian martyr who was stoned to death for being a follower of Christ's shortly after his crucifixion.
Boxing Day is celebrated in Britain, Australia, New Zealand, and Canada and it has become a public holiday in the last century.
This has been a godsend to many families by having Christmas Day and Boxing Day as holidays this allowed them the time to travel to visit family members and celebrate with them.
It made it much easier for people to get together with those who were important to them.
It is perhaps better known today as a day of outdoor sports and horse racing and hunting rather than for any religious significance.

CHRISTMAS ROSE

The Legend of the Christmas Rose links this winter blooming flower with the birth of the Christ Child.
The legend says that the three wise men accompanied by the shepherds were traveling to the east when they met with a shepherdess named Madelon who was tending to her sheep.
She began to weep when she saw the gifts for the Christ child because she had had nothing to give.
An angel saw her crying and brushed the snow away where her tears had fallen and revealed a beautiful white flower tipped with pink, the Christmas Rose.

A NOBLE BOXING DAY
There has long been a rather fanciful notion that Boxing Day dates from the middle Ages with the noble lords and ladies of England presenting Christmas gifts in boxes to their servants on December 26th there is no evidence to support this but it is a nice idea though unlikely.

CAROLING IN WALES

The welsh are a very musical nation so Caroling is particularly popular in Wales where it is called eisteddfodde and is amongst other things often accompanied by a harp.
One custom in some rural areas a person is chosen to travel around the town draped in white and carrying a horse's skull on a long pole.
If anyone is given a "bite" by the horse's jaws they must pay a fine.

BAUBLES

The Baubles we use to decorate our Christmas trees are representative of the Apples found on the Tree of Life in Paradise.
This is the popular belief even though the Bible doesn’t actually state that the tree of life was an apple tree.
To most people modern Baubles are not replicas of the fruit but are just colorful ornaments which reflect the light of candles and fairy lights and contribute to the festive spirit.

LAUREL

The early Christians in Ancient Rome were the first to decorate their homes with laurel.
They adopted the idea from the Pagan Romans who used laurel during the Saturnalia festival and who believed laurel was sacred to the sun god Apollo.
When the Romans Empire became Christian laurel became a great symbol of Christmas.

THE TINSEL SYMBOL

Tinsel like many things about Christmas is symbolic and what glittering tinsel symbolizes is light and light in all forms was held to have magic qualities in both the pagan and Christian faiths.
Light was the magic against the darkness of winter and was the power of Christ against the forces of darkness.

XMAS

I have always hated the use of Xmas instead of Christmas and in fact I always believed it to be a vulgar Americanism.
Well I was wrong The Xmas abbreviation for Christmas is in fact of Greek origin as The Greek word for Christ is Xristos.
It was sometime during the 16th century that Europeans began abbreviating Christ’s name with and "X" in Christmas as a form of shorthand for the word.
The 16th century Christians at that time would have understood that X stood for Christ's name.
Unlike 21st century Christians who don’t understand Greek and think using the word "Xmas" is disrespectful or just one more vulgar Americanism.

THE COLOR OF CHRISTMAS
We automatically associate colors with Christmas festivities such as the red of the berries on the holly bush or in Santa’s outfit.
Red in its many uses is definitely the color of December and as a religious symbol it stands for fire, blood and charity.
We also have the green of Christmas trees and holly and Green is the universal symbol for nature and for youth.
Christmas is a feast of hope, with a newborn child as its central symbol.
It is for this reason that green is the color of new beginnings and the hope of eternal life.
Symbolically, white stands for light and purity as seen in the white robes of the Christmas angels and in the white snowy Christmas landscapes.
Gold is the color of the Christmas stars and candles and stands for sunlight and radiance.
The Golden radiance is Christ’s love for the world.

THE STOLLEN
The Stollen is a type of German Christmas cake which is a kind of sweet bread, enriched with a various dried fruits and nuts and covered with icing sugar.
German Families and bakeries alike treasured the own secret recipes for the Stollen and all claimed to have a secret ingredient, details of which would be handed down through the generations.
The shape of the Stollen is like a loaf of bread and is supposed to symbolize the baby Jesus Christ wrapped in swaddling clothes.

GOOD KING WENCESLAS

According to the legend the first of the Premysl was a plowman who married a Bohemian princess named Libussa during the 8th century and it was their descendants who in time united the warring tribes of Bohemia into one duchy.
Duke Borivoy I married a Slav princess named Ludmila and they both became Christians and they tried their hardest to convert all of Bohemia to
Christianity, but were unable to do so.
Upon the death of Borivoy his sons, Ratislav and Spythinev succeeded him it was Ratislav who was the father of Wenceslas.
Wenceslas was born around 907 in a castle near Prague and when he was only thirteen years old his father died Wenceslas succeeded him as duke.
Because of his age he was too young to rule so his mother, Drahomira, became the regent she was vehemently opposed to Christianity and used her new found power to persecute Christians.
She also refused to let Wenceslas see his grandmother Ludmila because she was afraid that they would plot to overthrow her but it wasn’t long before Drahomira had her murdered.
After Ludmila’s death she was revered by Christians as a saint.
At the age of 18 Wenceslas overthrew his mother's regency and he began to rule for himself.
He was a stern but fair monarch, he stopped the persecution of Christians and he managed to tame the rebellious nobility.
He was known across bohemia for his kindness to the poor and he was especially charitable to children.
However Many of the Bohemian nobles resented Wenceslas's attempts to spread Christianity and when he swore allegiance to the king of Germany, Henry I they were greatly displeased.
But in the end his greatest enemy proved to be his own brother, Boleslav, who joined the nobles to plot his brother's assassination.
Boleslav invited Wenceslas to a religious festival and then attacked and killed him on his way to mass.
"Good King" Wenceslas died on September 20, 929. He was still in his early twenties and had ruled Bohemia for only five years.
Today he is remembered as the patron saint of the Czech Republic.

ROSEMARY

Rosemary has long been associated with Christmas and was often used during the middle Ages by the women folk who spread it on the floor and as people walked on it crushing it under foot a pleasant aroma was released.
Tradition tells us that Rosemary is so fragrant because Mary laid on its branches the garments of the Christ Child on the night he was born.
The legend also says that suddenly flowers blossomed on the trees and they bore abundant fruit even though they were out of season.

THE HANGING OF GREENS - MISTLETOE

The hanging of greens, such as Holly, Ivy and Mistletoe is a British winter tradition with origins far before the Christian era.
Greenery was used to lift people’s spirits during the long winter and remind them that spring was not far away.
For hundreds of years before the birth of Christ the ancient Druids used mistletoe to celebrate the winter solstice.
The Druids gathered the parasitic evergreen plant and used it to decorate their homes.
They had an affinity with nature and believed the plant to have special healing powers for a variety of ills from female infertility to poison ingestion.
The Scandinavians thought of mistletoe as a plant of peace and harmony and associated it with their goddess of love, Frigga which is why the Norse folk believe the custom of kissing under the mistletoe is believed to have derived from this belief.
The druids regarded the mistletoe as sacred and they made certain that it never touched the ground and it was dedicated to the Goddess of Love which is the Druid explanation of kissing under it.
Originally, when a boy kissed a girl, he plucked a berry from the cluster and presented it to her. When there were no more berries, there were no more kisses.
The custom of kissing under the mistletoe originally was a belief that the evergreen plant increases your sexual power or promotes fertility.
In a small number of places in the world its potency was so highly regarded that it could improve the productivity of the soil, it could make cattle more fertile and curer impotence in men and any girl who had not been kissed under the mistletoe would be barren.
The Druids believed mistletoe's magic extended far beyond fertility and they thought it could cure almost any disease and was therefore known as 'all healer'.
A Sprigs fixed above your doorway would protect from lightning and ward of evil from your home.
As the plant was a parasite and grey on other trees it had no roots and so it was believed that it grew from heaven.
Even the gathering of the mistletoe is steeped in ritual.
A Druid priest using a sacred sickle had to cut the mistletoe from an oak tree
On the sixth day of the new moon when he had done so a virgin girl had to catch the falling plant before it touched the ground.
If it touched the ground it was spoiled.
The early Christian church banned the use of mistletoe in Christmas celebrations because of its pagan origins and they favored the use of Holly as an appropriate substitute for the Christmas greenery conveniently forgetting pagan origins of Holly.
Nowadays mistletoe is used merely as an excuse for taking liberties at the office Christmas party.

REINDEER NAMES

According to Clement Clarke Moore’s 1823 poem the names of Santa's Reindeers are Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen.

Tuesday 4 December 2007

Christmas Stuff

THREE SAINTS FOR THE PRICE OF ONE - SWITZERLAND

Switzerland is another country with several traditions and languages.
So it is not surprising there are several different St. Nicholas traditions.
In German-speaking areas Saint Nicholas is known as Samichlaus and he rides upon a white horse and is followed by the wicked Ruprecht.
In the French-speaking area Saint Nicolas is known as Père noel and he leads a donkey carrying baskets full of gifts and he is followed by the sound of Père Fouettard's chains.
In the Italian quarter the tradition is much more reverent when they celebrate the arrival of St Nicholas’s relics in the Italian city of Bari in the year 1087.
But all the celebrations have in common the great color music and excitement generated by the enthusiastic revelers.

WHAT WOULD SANTA LIKE FOR CHRISTMAS?

The Hollywood child star Shirley Temple stopped believing in Santa Claus when she was six because the Department store Santa asked for her autograph in a shopping center.

CHRISTMAS FOLKLORE – LA BEFANA

The three wise men stopped at La Befana’s house on route to Bethlehem.
After dining with her, she was invited to travel with them on their search for the Christ child but she declined on some flimsy pretence.
After a while she regretted her action and gathering up some things from her home to give to the Christ child she set off after them.
But alas, she was unable to find either the wise men or the baby Jesus.
La Befana has been searching ever since and every January 5th the kindly witch rides her broomstick down the chimneys of Italian homes to fill the stockings of lucky children with sweets and candy.

CHRISTMAS FOLKLORE - BLACK PETER

In Holland, sinter Klaas has a faithful servant called black peter who rides on the sleigh and its Peter’s job to throw the children’s presents down the chimney.
In addition it is black peter that doles out the punishment to the naughty children by wrapping the offenders in bags and delivering them to Spain.

CHRISTMAS FOLKLORE – THE JOLLY ELF

In Finland Santa is a kind and jolly elf called Joulupukki and he doesn’t drive a sleigh but He rides a straw goat called Ukko.
The Scandinavians call the jolly elf Jultomten who is thought to deliver gifts in a sleigh drawn by goats.

CHRISTMAS IN RUSSIA

During the days of the Soviet Union, the people were not free to practice their religion or to celebrate Christmas so it was the New Year which was the most important time when 'Father Frost' brought presents to children.
With the breakup of the Soviet Union the Communist regime fell and religious freedom abounded and Christmas was once again openly celebrated but not on December 25th but on January 7th which is Christmas Day for the Russian Orthodox church, who use the old 'Julian' calendar for all holy days.

CHRISTMAS FOLKLORE – CHRISTKIND

Christ kind or Christ Child is an angel-like figure who often accompanied St. Nicholas on his holiday missions and Kris Kringle is believed to deliver presents to well-behaved Swiss and German children.

CHRISTMAS FOLKLORE – FILLING THE SHOE’S

In France Père Noel is responsible for filling the shoes of French children with gifts.
While in Spain the children place their shoes under the tree on the night of January 5th and the next morning they find they have been filled with gifts by the three kings.
The luckiest children of Spain receive small presents from papa noel on Christmas Eve as well.

A NATIVITY FACT

Traditionally in the nativity scene there is almost always a donkey or an ass depicted.
However in the gospels telling of Christ’s birth they are not mentioned.
But as Jesus was born in a stable and lain in a manger it would seem logical to conclude that some animals where present.

OUR GOOSE IS COOKED

By all accounts the eating of Goose at Christmas as part of the festivities came about because on Christmas Eve 1588 queen Elizabeth I was dining on Goose at Greenwich palace when the long awaited news reached her that the Spanish Armada had been defeated.
Relieved and delighted she decreed that roast goose should be served at Christmas to mark the historic event.
It was her father Henry VIII who is widely regarded to be the first person known to eat Turkey on Christmas day.

THE FEAST’S OF ST NICHOLAS

The feast of St Nicholas is widely celebrated though what they believe and the way it is celebrated varies from place to place for example in the Czech republic they believe on the eve of St. Nicholas Day the Angels lower St. Nicholas, or Svaty Mikuláš, down to earth on a rope of gold and he carries a basket of apples, nuts, and candies for the children.
He is accompanied by a devil rattling his chains who comes to carry off the bad children and a sweet angel who pleads for them.
While In Slovenia The night before the Feast of St. Nicholas, children put a shoe outside the door in the hope it will be filled with various treats of fruit, sweets or money.
Here the saint is accompanied by the devilish Parkel who might leave coal for the naughty children.
More often than not, a mixture of the two are left as most children are good and bad.
On the night of December 5th in Romania, boots are carefully polished to be put by the door or by the window to wait for the visit of Sfantul Nicolae.
In Bulgaria Nikulden is a great winter festival when Bulgarians celebrate St Nikolay, the protector of sailors and fishermen.
St. Nicholas or Svaty Mikul arrives in many Slovakian towns and villages, in a horse drawn coach, along with an angel and the devil who rattles a chain.
And On St. Nicholas Eve all the children polish their boots to leave on the windowsill or at the doorstep. In the morning they hope to find nice surprises and not the dreaded coal.
Hungarian children must polish their best boot and put it on the windowsill to be filled by St. Nicholas, Szent Mikulás.
The good saint comes with a big sack full of presents and a large record book containing the children's good and bad deeds. He has his two helpers, the good angel who helps give out presents and the mischief making devil.
And In the morning the good children hope to find candies, tangerines, walnuts, apples, dates and chocolate Mikulás figures.
St. Nicholas, called in Poland Sw. Mikolaj, is a saintly, dignified figure in Poland; he Descends from Heaven with an angel helper, and travels in a sleigh pulled by a white horse as he visits homes in the countryside.
In parts of the Caribbean like Aruba and Antilles where the Dutch settled the celebrations still involves SinterKlaas sailing into harbor from Spain with his white horse and a collection of helpers, one of these helpers is Zwarte Piet or black Peter who is ready to put the naughty children in his sack and carry them back to Spain.
But in Curaçao however and reflecting changing times, the "horse" is more symbolic and Sinterklaas rides in a white Ford Mustang!

So from being lowered from heaven on a golden rope to riding in a Ford Mustang it cant get much more diverse than that.

THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me
A best of Sinatra CD

On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Two nylon socks
And a best of Sinatra CD

On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Three fountain pens
Two nylon socks
And a best of Sinatra CD

On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Four woolen scarfs
Three fountain pens
Two nylon socks
And a best of Sinatra CD

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Five puzzle things
Four woolen scarfs
Three fountain pens
Two nylon socks
And a best of Sinatra CD

On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Six novelty ties
Five puzzle things
Four woolen scarfs
Three fountain pens
Two nylon socks
And a best of Sinatra CD


On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Seven garden tools
Six novelty ties
Five puzzle things
Four woolen scarfs
Three fountain pens
Two nylon socks
And a best of Sinatra CD

On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Eight tins of talc
Seven garden tools
Six novelty ties
Five puzzle things
Four woolen scarfs
Three fountain pens
Two nylon socks
And a best of Sinatra CD

On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Nine crisp white hankies
Eight tins of talc
Seven garden tools
Six novelty ties
Five puzzle things
Four woolen scarfs
Three fountain pens
Two nylon socks
And a best of Sinatra CD

On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Ten car air fresheners
Nine crisp white hankies
Eight tins of talc
Seven garden tools
Six novelty ties
Five puzzle things
Four woolen scarfs
Three fountain pens
Two nylon socks
And a best of Sinatra CD

On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Eleven handy hint books
Ten car air fresheners
Nine crisp white hankies
Eight tins of talc
Seven garden tools
Six novelty ties
Five puzzle things
Four woolen scarfs
Three fountain pens
Two nylon socks
And a best of Sinatra CD

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Twelve months subscription
Eleven handy hint books
Ten car air fresheners
Nine crisp white hankies
Eight tins of talc
Seven garden tools
Six novelty ties
Five puzzle things
Four woolen scarfs
Three fountain pens
Two nylon socks
And a best of Sinatra CD

THE HIDDEN MEANING OF THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS

Everyone is familiar with the famous Christmas song, "The Twelve Days of Christmas" and we have all at some time happily sung along to it.
But delightful though it is it believed that it had a more serious purpose when it was first written and that it was certainly much more than a repetitious piece of nonsense.
It is said it came about at a time when the Catholics in northern Europe were prevented from practicing their faith openly or otherwise by law and especially In England during the years of 1558 to 1829 it was to all intents and purposes a crime to BE a Catholic.
So "The Twelve Days of Christmas" was written in England as a kind of Underground Catechism.
In fact it was one of the "catechism songs" to help young Catholics learn the tenets of their faith.
In short it was a memory aid at a time when to be caught with anything in written form indicating adherence to the Catholic faith could lead to imprisonment or even death.
The contained hidden meanings for example the “true love” mentioned in the song in fact refers to God.
While the songs gifts hide the meanings to the teachings of the faith.
The "me" who receives the presents symbolizes every baptized person and a partridge in a pear tree refers to Jesus Christ and the two turtle doves are The Old and New Testaments.The three French Hens are Faith, Hope and Charity, the three great Theological Virtuesthe four Calling Birds are the Four Gospels and the five Golden Rings, The first Five Books of the Old Testament.
The six Geese A-laying are the six days of creation while seven Swans A-swimming represent the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit, the seven sacraments.The eight Maids A-milking are the eight beatitudes with nine Ladies Dancing representing the nine Fruits of the Holy Spirit.the ten Lords A-leaping are the ten commandments and the eleven Pipers Piping stand for the eleven faithful apostles and last by no means least twelve drummersdrumming represent the twelve doctrinal points in the Apostle's Creed.

The may be fact or it may be fiction but I know which I would like it to be.

ILLUMINATING THE CHRISTMAS TREE

The practice of using small candles to decorate Christmas tree’s is said to date back to the middle of the 17th century in Germany.
However it was to be 150 years before the custom became firmly established.
In the beginning the candles where made of tallow, derived from animal fat, which gave off equal amounts of smoke and odor.
There was also the risk of the tree catching fire although tree’s were normally cut fresh of Christmas eve and therefore more difficult to ignite however a bucket of water always stood by the tree just in case.
The first candles were glued to the branches with wax but eventually candleholders appeared and then an American called Frederick Artz invented a candle holder made of tin with a tray to catch the drips of wax and a spring clip to attach it to the branch.
A Christmas tree was lit by electricity for the first time in New York in 1882 when Edward Johnson, a colleague of Thomas Edison, lit a Christmas tree with a string of 80 small electric light bulbs which he had made himself.
As the bulbs were all hand made they were two expensive to be commercial viable however by 1900 some large stores put up large illuminated trees to attract customers.
It was in 1903 when The Every Ready Company of New York began to make strings of 28 lights which cost the equivalent of a week’s wages.
It wasn’t until 1927 when the General Electric Company of America produced strings of miniature bulbs like we get today.

THE YULE TIDE ROBIN

The Robin although synonymous with Christmas in most people’s minds has in fact no connection to the Christmas story what so ever.
So what is the reason that the Robin has managed to ingrain itself in to our Christmas consciousness.
I think it’s probably because the Robin’s select their mates in December so their birdsong is at its best and the male’s plumage is at its brightest while all the other
Birds are dull and quiet.
The bright red breasts of the birds stand out so vividly against any snowy winter backdrop as to make them an obvious choice to adorn a Christmas card.

THE ST STEPHEN’S DAY MASSACRE

The Wren is a bird with a rather unfortunate connection to Christmas.
There is an old Irish legend that claims that when St Stephen was imprisoned he would have made good his escape had it not been for the chirping of the Wrens.
As a result from that day forward in Ireland every St Stephen’s day, December 26th, in a ceremony called “the Wren massacre” Wrens were stoned to death.
Since the 1920’s the custom has thankfully died out.

MIDDLE AGED SPREAD

During the Middle Ages Christmas was the most popular of the religious holidays as it was generally the happiest and undoubtedly the longest, lasting from Christmas Eve until the feast of Epiphany on January 6th.
In the royal or wealthy houses Christmas preparations would begin as early as November when beasts were slaughtered and this would have happened in spite of Christmas rather than because of it as there was normally not enough food to keep large numbers of beasts through the long winters.
Nothing was wasted and every part of the animals was used and the meat was preserved with salt and spices or pickled in vinegar or smoked and cured by a fire.
Quinces, apples, pairs, plums and assorted other fruits were exceeding popular in the Middle Ages and were dried and stored for the winter.
The poor celebrated the two week holiday as best they could with the luckiest workers being given some time off and they might even receive gifts of ale, food or firewood.
The wealthiest in the land would lay on great banquets and entertainments and the more important of the local workers or villagers were sometimes invited to the lords hall for a feast, though they had to take there own cup and plate.

STREET LIGHTS

So many people decorate the outside of there house’s now with colored lights that the big London Christmas displays like oxford street or Regents street It don’t seem such a big deal now.
But when they first began it was a different story.
They came about after an article in the daily telegraph commented that during Christmas London looked so drab and grey.
As a result in 1954 the Regent Street association decided to take decisive action and organized themselves to decorate the buildings with electric lights.
These became so popular that people would travel for miles to see them and turning the lights on became such an event that thousands of people would turn up to see a celebrity flick the switch.

CHRISSIE POSTIE

It was in 1843 when Christmas cards first came into being and with the advent of cheap postage and the appearance of envelopes the practice of sending Christmas greetings cards took off.
The postmen of the day were dressed in scarlet tunics and as a result quickly became known as Robin postmen.
So quite understandably the Robin Redbreast very soon began to appear on the cards themselves.

CHRISTMAS CANDLES – A SIGNAL

The placing of lighted candles in the windows in England harks back to a time when the Catholic religion was banned.
A lighted candle would be placed in the window of a Catholic family as a signal that it was safe for a priest to come into their home to celebrate Mass.
WHAT A CRACKER

It was In Victorian England that one of the largest Christmas crackers’s ever to be created.
It was made for a renowned actor called Harry Payne.
Payne was appearing as a clown in a Pantomime at the Drury lane theatre when the cracker was delivered.
It was over seven feet in length and contained a change of costume for the whole cast as well as hundred of small crackers that the cast threw to the children in the audience to their great excitement.

A CRACKING IDEA

The origins of the Christmas cracker lie in France where bags of bon-bons where wrapped in paper which two children would then pull apart.
While on holiday in Paris in the 1860’s an English confectioner named Tom Smith noticed the paper wrapped bags of sugared almonds and bon-bons in many shop windows.
When he returned to London he decided he would sell these bags of sweets in his shop but they where not to the English taste so he formulated an idea to improve on the French idea adding a printed motto or riddle this did not help.
It was only when he was sitting quietly by his fireside listening to the logs burning and cracking that the idea hit him.
Make them bang.
He was a very resourceful man and experimented with various chemicals before he succeeded in impregnating two strips of cardboard which when pulled apart, as a result of friction, would then cause a small explosion.

When they went on sale they contained mottoes written by popular writers of the day and quality novelties in the form of games, puzzles, toys and curiosities, a far cry from the cheap plastic imports and paper hats we get today.
Tom Smiths Christmas Crackers became an instant success.

THE ORIGINS OF THE CHRISTMAS TREE
– WOULD YOU ADAM AND EVE IT

In the 11th century during advent short plays were performed called mysteries and these were very popular.
There was one in particular about paradise in which a tree was decorated with red apples to symbolize the tree of paradise this eventually led.to the 15th century practise of the faithful putting up small trees in their own houses on december 24, which was the feast day of Adam and Eve

THE ORIGINS OF THE CHRISTMAS TREE
– BELIEVE IT OR NOT

Some people believe the origins of the Christmas tree lie in a kind of mystical symbolism. In fact a mixture of symbols showing us glimpses of what the creator has to offer.
Representing light and the movement of angels, the gifts of orchard and field, forest and sea, all capped off by the star that pointed to the end of the journey, the place of peace.
You may well think what a load of contrived tosh or you may not.
Or you may decide the truth of it is that the Christmas tree is as a result of the merging or fusion of Christian and pagan festivals namely Christmas and the winter solstice, saturnalia or mithras.

THE ORIGINS OF THE CHRISTMAS TREE
– BY ROYAL APPOINTMENT

The first Christmas tree as we have come to know it, minus the light and tinsel, appeared in Alsace in arround 1521 and by the 18th century the custom was well established in Germany and Austria
It was then spread far and wide due to the Royal families and the aristocrats.
It was introduced into France by the princess Hélène de Mecklenburg who brought one to Paris in 1837 after her marriage to the duke of Orleans.
In 1841 it reached England when Prince Albert, a German, husband of Queen Victoria, set up a christmas tree at Windsor castle.
From then on the Christmas tree custom spread quickly through the middle class and then to working people.
Once the custom had firmly taken hold in England it quickly spread around the globe through the British Empire.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER - WHITE CHRISTMAS

“White Christmas” made in 1954 and Directed by Michael Curtiz is crammed full with Irving Berlin classics, among them "Count Your Blessings Instead of Sheep," "Sisters," "Blue Skies," and of course "White Christmas."
The story itself is fairly uncomplicated which concerns Two talented song-and-dance war-time buddies (Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye) who team up after the war to become one of the hottest acts in show business.
One winter, they join forces with a sister act (Rosemary Clooney and Vera-Ellen) and trek to Vermont for a white Christmas.
The only fly’s in the ointment is that there is no snow and the Inn is run by their old army general who's now in financial trouble.
The story then follows the main stars in their attempts to rescue the situation.
The film is a must see.

CHRISTMAS ENTERTAINMENT

Since the advent of Cable and Satellite Every Christmas is the same. It used to be bad enough in the old days when there were only three channels to fill but now we allegedly have more choice the terrestrial channels don’t even try to offer anything that we might consider to be acceptable.
Take this Christmas just gone, it doesn’t have to be the latest every one is the same now, but we will stick with this latest offerings as they are freshest in the memory.
They really pulled the stops out and so packed was the schedule that they couldn’t even squeeze in the Great Escape.
Unfortunately all five channels were packed with a mixture of repeats and things which should never be seen again.
Tom Browns schooldays gave the impression it might brighten an otherwise dull selection only to disappoint.
However the choice plum of the holiday season has to be Uncle Adolph, what were they thinking, at one point good old incestuous Uncle Adolph was sat knocking out a tune on the piano to impress his niece when I thought he was going to burst into a chorus of “Springtime for Hitler” the play couldn’t have been anymore ludicrous if he had.
Thankfully the smug and inanely grinning Miss Marple has been returned to the asylum from whence she came (hopefully never to be released again) and the writers have returned to writing daytime soaps for the Outer Mongolia broadcasting corporation.
Still it won’t be long before we’re doing it all again so better get the sprouts on.

Humerous Christmas Poetry

SATAN RULES KO

If you’re a worshiper of Satan
And you suffer from Dyslexia
Take care before you commit
You may sell your soul to Santa

FATHER AND CHRISTMAS

What do a Christmas tree
And a priest have in comparison?
The answer is simple to see
Their balls are just for decoration

THE HONEST SANTA FAIRY

A sorry old drunk is walking
Down the street one morning
Together with Santa Claus
The tooth fairy and of course
Honest John the Solicitor
When suddenly on their tour
At the very same moment
They spot on the pavement
Someone’s discarded wallet
So who was it who got it?
The old drunk obviously
Because all of the other three
Only exist in mythology

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS # 1

Well I only got a sweater for Christmas
Not the best thing to get for a dreamer
Because I got a sweater for Christmas
When I wanted a moaner or a screamer

HAPPY CHRISTMAS AUNTIE PEGGY

For Christmas I bought my Auntie
A brand new wooden leg
I didn’t have it specially made
No I just got it off the peg
You may say it’s not a nice gift
Or even that it’s a killer
It wasn’t her main present though
It was just a stocking filler

NICE

Making your way in life, it’s nice
To know you can, once or twice
Rely on other people in a trice
For assistance, guidance or advice

They’ll be no shortage of advice
But knowing what piece or slice
Of advice or guidance will suffice
You might just as well roll a dice

This axiom though it be concise
Won’t be bettered to be precise
So you take heed or pay the price
“Don’t eat yellow snow or ice”

EMPTYING SANTA’S SACK

One Christmas Eve on a roof top up on high
A poor soul stands shouting up at the sky
He has lost his job and his wife has left him
And the size of his overdraft is quite grim
Finishing his rant to god he shuts his eyes
Then he leaves a note saying his good-byes
He walks up to the edge ready to jump off
He stops when behind him he hears a cough
Father Christmas asks him "are you ok?"
And the man tells him the details of his day
He again walks to the edge of the rooftop
Then Father Christmas shouts, "please stop!"
“It’s Christmas so I’ll give three gifts to you
And I will have a small task for you to do”
Santa Claus says, “let me help you please”
The poor man is in such despair so he agrees
"That would be wonderful thanks,” he said
Father Christmas told him what was ahead
Firstly go home to your wife who is there
Waiting dressed in her sexiest underwear
Longing for you and begging forgiveness
She wants only you and your fond caress
And as for the recent loss of her affection
She will have absolutely no recollection
Secondly go into work after the holiday
Sit at your desk and work the same way
Your salary will have been well increased
Nobody remembers your employment ceased
Thirdly when you check your bank account
And you will be in credit by a large amount
The man is thrilled "oh thank you, thank you!"
Then said, “what is it that you want me to do?"
“Drop your trousers and then bend down”
The man is unsure agrees but wears a frown
Santa Claus gave him a brutal buggering
Leaving the poor man with eyes watering
Afterwards Santa asked, “how old are you?”
The man replied “actually I’m forty two”
“Your too old to believe in me by quite a bit”
Said the fat gay bloke in the Santa outfit

FALL OF THE SNOWMAN

Here is a thought of little worth
Snowmen start their fall to earth
From Heaven above unassembled
And like a snow globe it resembled
But if a snowman were then desiredSome assembly would be required

HAPPY STRESSLESS

A good friend of mine
Does his Christmas shopping
In less than two hours
With decs for party popping
And Gifts for twenty five
Friends and family
All on Christmas Eve
Including a six foot tree

IT’S CHRISTMAS

People have been discovering
On a Christmas Morning
That the curse of Christmas
That’s causing the most fuss
Has been unanimously concluded
To be “Batteries not included”

HOOK

There is something puzzling me
As it doesn’t say in the book
Before his hand was taken
What did they call captain hook

It’s a difficult one to answer
Maybe he was evil captain fist
Or was he called captain two hands
Not really a very menacing list

And was it simply irony, mere chance
Or was his accident planned
For if not for the crocodile
He would have remained a deck hand

COOL YULE By Sam Curtis

Last day of school,
Kids say “that’s cool”
Angel’s wings
Shepherd brings
Presents for Jesus
Rudolf sneezes
Everything is frosting over
Even my car made by “Rover”
Reindeer fly
But I can’t fly
But I have cream on my
Hot mince pie
But I still get a lift
When I get a gift

WHO’S THE NEW GUY?

A tenth reindeer flew in Santa’s team
One unknown pulling Santa’s sleigh
We know the names of nine of them
Including Rudolf leading the way
So who was the mystery number ten?
Twas Rudolf the brown nosed reindeer
Flew behind his red nosed brother
But he couldn’t stop as quick I fear

A HAND FOR SANTA

On Christmas Eve
Don’t lay awake in bed
All you naughty girls
Blonde, brunette or red
For instead of presents
You may get a shock instead
You may catch Santa
Dressed in his suit of red
Emptying his sack
At the end of your bed

CHIMNEY NOOK

The next time you complain
At the lack of Christmas nookey
Spare a thought for old St Nick
And have a little sympathy
For he only comes but once a year
And then he’s up a chimney

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS # 2

I don’t want a present
That’s very practical
Or a gift home made
Or something musical
Something for wearing
Thoughtful or twee
Things for the garden
Or things fragrant or smelly
Nothing expensive when
The value is shocking
I just want something shapely
In a Christmas stocking

OH NO HE ISN’T

My great uncle John was an actor on the stage
Who was best known as a pantomime dame
Famous for his ugly sister and widow twanky
But not anymore which is a great shame

He has gone to that great pantomime in the sky
No longer will he don grease paint and his regalia
I will still see him though from time to time
Because he’s not dead he’s just working for Ryan air

A CHRISTMAS WISH

On a Christmas Eve at midnight
When I got into bed
I lay upon my pillow
And there beside my head
Was Santa with his trousers off
And this is what he said
Happy Christmas little girl
I’ve unwrapped this gift for you
So take this gift with pleasure
To make your wish come true
Because Santa comes but once a year
And tonight he comes with you

A GIFT FOR MARIA

A young man called Paul
Wanted to buy a present
For his new sweetheart Maria
As a Christmas present

As they’d not been dating
For a very long duration
He decided to purchase
After careful consideration
A nice pair of glovesstriking the right note
Not too romantic or personal
So the gloves got his vote

Accompanied by Maria’s sister
He went to Harrods and bought
A dainty pair of white gloves
“She will like these” he thought

Maria’s sister Susan bought
A pair of panties for herself
But during the wrapping
An error was made on the shelf

The assistant mixed up
The gloves and the panties
The sister got the gloves
And Maria got the scanties

Without checking Paul sealed
The package along with a note
And sent it to his sweetheart
And this is what he wrote
Dear Maria, I chose these
As I noticed my darling
That you don’t wear any
When we go out in the evening.

If not for your sister Susan
I would have got long ones
The type with the buttons,
But Susan wears short ones
That are easier to remove.
They are a delicate shade,
But the shop assistant where the purchase was made
Showed me the pair she has
That she’d been wearing and were hardly soiled
After three weeks wearing
I had her try yours on for me
And she looked really chic
Even though they were
Tight on her a little bit.

She told me that her pair
Helps to keep her ring
Clean and shiny, and in fact
And this is interesting
Since she’d begun wearing them.
It hadn’t needed washing

I really hope you like them
And wish I were there with you
To put them on you Mariafor the first time I really do

As no doubt many other hands
Will have touched them
Before I see you again
Remember when you remove them
To blow into them before
Putting them away and drying
As they will naturally be
A little damp from wearing

Just think how many times
My lips will kiss themduring the coming year.
I hope you will wear them
For me on Friday nightAll my love Paul till then

P.S. The latest style
Which appears to be growing
Is to wear them folded down
With a little fur showing

CHRISTMAS SHOPPING

It was Christmas Eve closing time, nearly
Where a last minute shopper, frustrated clearly
Was rummaging through the freezer cabinet
At her nearest out of town super market
Desperately searching for a frozen turkey
And couldn't find one big enough for her family
Then she saw a young shop assistant pass by
And decided that she would give him a try
"Do these turkeys get any bigger?" she said
Puzzled he replied "No madam, they're dead."

THE SANTA CLAUSEWhen I was a child
I believed in Santa Claus
When I got olderI didn’t believe in Santa ClausWhen I became a parent
I was Santa Claus
Now I have grandchildrenI look like Santa Claus
KIDS DON’T UNDERSTAND CHRISTMAS

All children think
Christmas just happens
But parents work tirelessly
To bring it about
Months in the planning
Putting things away
Things to add to a special day
Shopping and wrapping
Dressing and decking
Super market shopping
The prices heart stopping
Journeying from shop to shop
For the latest must have toy
All made worth while
To see a face lit with joy

CHRISTMAS SHOCKING

Well worn festive tunes
Blare out
Hapless faces
Stare out
Faces strained
Bemused, Confused
Lists gripped tight
Pens ticking or deleting
Then onward
Loaded trolleys
Wildly steering
Zig zagging
Aisle to aisle
Every item
Must be had
Gin for her
Beer for dad
Chocs and cakes
Chops and steaks
Turkey, stuffing
Nuts and fruit
Frozen this
Prepacked that
Pop and juice
Something’s loose
Everything ticked
On the tight gripped list
Nothing missed
Merry Christmas wished
Hundreds of pounds
Of Christmas bought
The festivities can begin
Relax in the knowledge
The shops will only be shut
For twenty four hours

JUST ANOTHER DAY AT THE OFFICE

Christmas at the office
Is just like any other day
Let’s face of it
You end up doing all the work
And the fat guy in the suit
Gets all the credit

CHRISTMAS WITH THE BROWNS

Every Christmas day is the same
The Browns come round for lunch
I dread the time as it approaches
There a bloody awful bunch
He’s an opinionated git
She’s a loudmouthed fishwife
Their kids run amuck unchecked
Causing trouble and strife
They drink all my booze
And eat every crumb of food
They’re uncouth and vulgar
Obnoxious and just plain rude
They are a truly horrible family
I wish I could show them the door
They have no redeeming features
God I hate my brother in law

CHRISTMAS CHEER

I went to the pub with my brother
For a Christmas, lunchtime drink
While my wife cooked the dinner
And washed up at the sink
We got thrown out at 4 o’clock
Full of Christmas cheer and gin
We got home ready for Christmas lunch
And found it in the bin

CHRISTMAS POST

Mildred went to the post office
To buy stamps for her Christmas cards
“What denomination do you want?”
She was asked by Mr Everard
“That’s political correctness gone mad,
Has it come to this?” said she
“You’d better give me a book of Catholic
And a book of C of E”

SHOP EARLY FOR CHRISTMAS

It was Christmas eve at the magistrates court
And the Magistrate was in charitable mood
And In keeping with the season
Was inclined to show a little latitude
"Now then, what is the charge against you?"
He asked the unfortunate prisoner
The man in the dock replied
"I was caught Christmas shopping very early sir"
"That doesn't seem like an offence to me.
What do you mean by “very early” man”?
"Well, your Honour." said the defendant,
"It was an hour before the shop was open."

CHRISTMAS SERVICE

It was a bitterly cold and bleak Christmas morn
And had been snowing heavily since before the dawn
And for the morning service the waiting minister
Was eventually joined by just one solitary farmer
The clergyman said “Well even though it’s Christmas day
I don’t suppose there's no point in having a service today.”
The farmer replied “Well that's not quite how I see it.
If only one cow turns up at feeding time, I still feed it.”

OH WHAT A LOVELY GIFT

My mum got me a jumper
That fits what it touched
My sister got me novelty socks
That didn’t cost very much
My dad got me a Philishave
To shave between my spots
My Nan got me a scarf
And a box of jelly tots
But it’s the identity
That I would like to know
Of who got me the condoms
Tied up with a bow