WHINGING HOLIDAY MAKERS # 6

 

We went all-inclusive and booked

A day out to a water park, with flumes

But no-one thought to tell us we needed

To take our own swimming costumes

WHINGING HOLIDAY MAKERS # 5

 

We requested a twin bed room

But we ended up with a king size

As a result, my wife is pregnant

So that was a nice holiday surprise

WHINGING HOLIDAY MAKERS # 4

When we were on holiday

We went swimming in the sea

No-one said there would be fish

The kids found it very scary 

WHINGING HOLIDAY MAKERS # 3

 

Topless sunbathing on the beach

Should be universally banned

My husband finds it distracting

And can’t relax as he planned

THE MOST POPULAR NUDISTS

The most popular man in a nudist colony

Can carry 2 large coffees and twelve donuts

The most popular woman in a nudist colony

Is the one who can eat the last two donuts

WHINGING HOLIDAY MAKERS # 2

 

We had a terrible holiday

It was ruined by drunken pests

Our tour operator should have

Warned us of noisy unruly guests

WHINGING HOLIDAY MAKERS # 1

 

We went on a self-catering

Luxury break in Bognor  

But the fully equipped kitchen

Didn’t have an egg separator

WHINGING BRITS ABROAD # 12

 

The beach was right outside the hotel

Which I suppose was alright

But is wasn’t much like the brochure

The sand was yellow not white

WHINGING BRITS ABROAD # 11

 

The golden beach was outside the hotel

Which was really handy

But although it looked like the brochure

The beach was too sandy

WHINGING BRITS ABROAD #10

 

While we were in Spain

I bought a Rolex from an Algerian

Which turned out to be a fake

I’ll never see those 10 Euros again

WHINGING BRITS ABROAD # 9

 

When we were on holiday

My wife was bitten by a mosquito

Nowhere in the brochure

Did it mention mosquitoes

WHINGING BRITS ABROAD # 8

 

We had to line up outside

To catch the sightseeing boat

And there was no air-conditioning

Not even when we got afloat

WHINGING BRITS ABROAD # 7

 

When we were in Spain there

Were a lot of foreigners there 

And they all spoke Spanish

Which I don’t think is fair

WHINGING BRITS ABROAD # 5

We flew to the West Indies

It took nine hours to get there

It took the Americans three hours

This seems very unfair

WHINGING BRITS ABROAD # 3

 

We went on holiday to Spain

But the shopkeepers couldn’t be lazier

The shops closed in the afternoon

I ran out of fags during the Siesta

WHINGING BRITS ABROAD # 2

 

We went on holiday to Spain

The taxi drivers were a nightmare

All of them were Spanish

Now how can that be fair?

WHINGING BRITS ABROAD # 1

 

We went on holiday to Goa in India

We won’t go back in a hurry

I was disgusted to find that almost

Every restaurant served curry

BACK IN SMOGGY BERMONDSEY

 

When we were back

In smoggy Bermondsey

And all the money was spent

We looked back fondly

On our September holiday

Picking hops in Kent

I’M THINKING ABOUT TAKING A HOLIDAY # 6

 

I’m thinking about taking a holiday

But I don’t know where to go

One possibility is in Suspense

That makes the adrenalin flow

SOMEWHERE UNPRONOUNCEABLE # 3

 

I went on holiday to somewhere unpronounceable

The people suffered poverty and starvation

All the inhabitant had to live in their cars

It was the first time I’d come across an in-car-nation