TWO CLOWNS DIVORCED

 

Two Clowns divorced

And it was a very messy to do

As they all stood and watched

The Custardy battle ensue

BILLY NO MATES

 

My wife has left me

And taken the children

All our friends

Have abandoned me

And taken her side

Then when I put on

The Television set

The show that greets me

Is the Lonely Planet

WHY DID THE DIVORCEE CROSS THE ROAD?

 

Why did the divorcee cross the road?

Well not just to get to the other side

The reason he wanted to cross over

Was so he could avoid another bride

MY WIFE AND I ARE SEPARATED

 

My wife and I are separated

And the reason why we parted

She started all conversations

After the programs had started

HALF OF ALL MARRIAGES

 

Half of all marriages

Will end in divorce

Which just leaves the

Unhappy ones of course

AFTER TEN YEARS OF MARRIAGE

 

After ten years of marriage

I am divorced by choice

Regrettably I have to say

That it wasn’t my choice

THE DIVORCE COURT JUDGE SAID

 

The divorce Court Judge said “Mr. Curtis,

I have decided to give your wife £500 a week”

“That’s very fair, your honour,' Mr Curtis said

“I can manage a few quid myself at a squeak”

ELECTRONIC BANKING # 2

Electronic banking

Is the way it is done

Lightning fast transfers

At the touch of a button

 

Though not necessarily

The fastest way of course

Nothing transfers funds

Faster than divorce 

SEPARATE

 

Sleeping separate nights

Living separate days

We live separate lives

Let’s go our separate ways

DIVORCE IS..... # 1

 

Divorce is…

Cathartic, purification

Therapeutically purgative

Like colonic irrigation

HOUSEWIFE

 

When I used to leave the house

I kissed my wife goodbye

Now as I leave my wife

I have kissed the house goodbye

WHIRLWIND ROMANCE

 

A woman is like a hurricane

Whether your partner or your spouse

When she comes she’s hot and wet

When she leaves she takes half the house

SHE WHO MUST BE

 

When first we met, I thought of her

She who must be an angel

When we were married, she became

She who must be obeyed

Now we are divorced she has become

She who must be despised

FUN GUY OR FUNGI

In my long life

I have found this to be true

Ex-husbands are like thrush

They keep coming back to you 

TWO CLOWNS DIVORCED

 

Two Clowns divorced

And it was a very messy to do

As they all stood and watched

The Custardy battle ensue

TWO CLOWNS DIVORCED

 

Two Clowns divorced

And it was a very messy to do

As they all stood and watched

The Custardy battle ensue

DIVORCE IS..... # 1

 

Divorce is…

Cathartic, purification

Therapeutically purgative

Like colonic irrigation

SPLITTING UP

 

In Norwich at my local pub, I sat

After a pint and a couple of gins

And contemplated relationships

With my muckers for their sins

“I’m divorcing my sweetheart

And soul mate” I tell my friends

“There will be no animosity” I add

“And we will always stay cousins”

GO FISH

My wife told me if I go fishing

Just one more time, today

Then she's going to leave me

I'm going to miss her in a way

ISN’T LOVE GRAND?

 

Love is grand and that’s the truth

But divorce is fifty grand - struth