TODAY I ADDED INSULT ONTO INJURY

 

Today I added insult onto injury

To a recovering paragliding enthusiast

As they lay motionless in Casualty

When I wrote something rude on his cast

A MAN BOUGHT AN EXPENSIVE GERMAN CAR

 

A man bought an expensive German car

Primarily to impress his friends

Unfortunately, he drove it into a tree

And found out how a Mercedes bends

I WAS STUCK IN TRAFFIC

I was stuck in traffic

And cursing they delay

And whatever problem

That was in the way

 

There was an accident

Bike versus van

Resulting in Life changing

Injuries To a man

 

And my one concern

Had been the inconvenience        

But though I was late

I was not as a consequence

 

Left unable to walk

Or injured in anyway

Yes, I was late for work

But I was still ok

ARE YOU WEARING A SEAT BELT?

 

Are you wearing a seat belt?

Well, you must as it’s the law

Yes, I know its confining

But not as much as a mortuary draw

A SMALL PRANG

 

I had a crash with another car

It was my fault, Granted

And the “little man” got out

And God how he ranted

“I’m not happy” he shouted

“I’m not happy” he said again

I just and smiled and said

“Which one are you then?”

I WAS DRIVING ALONG THE DUAL CARRIAGEWAY

 

I was driving along the dual carriageway

When my boss phoned me

And told me I was being promoted

It came out of the blue and surprised me

It came as such a shock

That I swerved the car quite violently

 

A little further along the dual carriageway

And my boss phoned me again

And told me along with the promotion

Came a very nice financial gain

It came as such a shock

That I swerved the car violently again

 

A little further along the dual carriageway

And my boss phoned to tell me

And told me along with the promotion

Came the executive washroom key

It came as such a shock

That I again swerved the car violently

 

My boss phoned further down the carriageway

And I answered in hands free mode

And told me along with the promotion

I was to receive the penthouse code

It came as such a shock

I swerved and careered off the road

INDUSTRIAL ACCIDENT # 2

 

Did you hear about the guy?

Who was guillotined and how

His whole left side was cut off

Obviously, he's all right now

INDUSTRIAL ACCIDENT # 1

One of the guys fell into

The upholstery machine,

He was quickly discovered

 

And they knew what to do

To get him out the machine

Now he’s fully recovered 

A SOLEMN UNDERTAKING

 

When drivers choose to undertake

A risky manoeuvre is undertaken

But what they risk undertaking

Is an appointment with an undertaker

 

ALPEN DANGER

 

My dear friend was pulled under

By a strong currant, and tragically

My dear friend was drowned

In his breakfast bowl of muesli

CRASH LOCATION

 

On the M25 just beyond Dartford

She lost control of her car and crashed

Hitting the barrier with great force

Then came rest with the car smashed

It happened close to where she lived

She was nearly home, not far to go

But she sat trapped in her crumpled car

Covered in blood from head to toe

The paramedic attending the crash

Examined her as a matter of urgency

But apart from the blood covering her

He was at a loss to find any injury

“Where are you bleeding from?”

He asked the girl in the battered Ford

Slightly annoyed the girl responded

“I’m from bleeding Romford”

ACCIDENTAL INJURY

 

The most painful household incident

Is NOT

Stepping bare foot on an upturned plug

That you forgot

The most painful household incident

Is instead

Stubbing your little toe in the dark

On your way back to bed

A SMALL PRANG

 

I had a crash with another car

It was my fault, Granted

And the “little man” got out

And God how he ranted

“I’m not happy” he shouted

“I’m not happy” he said again

I just and smiled and said

“Which one are you then?”

LATE

 

John Ellis worked hard

And spent his leisure time

Pubbing and Clubbing

Till late

Very late

This night didn’t differ

When he crawled into his pit

Much the worse for drink

It was late

Very late

When he awoke in the morning

Thick head pounding

He stared bleary eyed at the clock

It was late

Very late

Slowly what he saw permeated the haze

Dawning on him in the half light

And he cursed

I’m late

I’m late

He hurriedly scraped the ice

Then when he got in the car

The radio confirmed

He was late

Very late

He was a safe driver normally

But today he drove too fast

He took too many chances

Because he was late

Very late

He raced on to the motorway

Despite the spray and patchy mist

He raced on ever conscious

He was late

Very late

Bright red lights

Pierced through the mist suddenly

He braced himself and braked

Too late

Too late

His mangled body sat motionless

In the tangle of mangled metal

And his life ebbed away

Late, late

The late John Ellis

NUMBERS GAME

 

If seventy five percent of all

Accidents happen or befall

Within five miles of home say

Why not move ten miles away

CRASH LOCATION

On the M25 just beyond Dartford
She lost control of her car and crashed
Hitting the barrier with great force
Then came rest with the car smashed
It happened close to where she lived
She was nearly home, not far to go
But she sat trapped in her crumpled car
Covered in blood from head to toe
The paramedic attending the crash
Examined her as a matter of urgency
But apart from the blood covering her
He was at a loss to find any injury
“Where are you bleeding from?”
He asked the girl in the battered Ford
Slightly annoyed the girl responded
“I’m from bleeding Romford”