Friday 27 October 2017

A Little Bit Of Humour # 158

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 392

Wednesday's child
Is full of woe,
(And that’s what you get for
drinking on a school night)

ARE YOU WEARING KNICKERBOCKERS?

Are you wearing Knickerbockers?
Well listen, I don’t mean to flummox
But it looks like the Knickerbockers
Have fallen out with your socks

MY SON TOLD ME HE PLAYED IN A BAND

My son told me he played in a band
And I’m afraid I did have to mock
Because they are called the Pilgrims
So I asked if they played Plymouth Rock

I LOVE MY PETER PAN JOKE

I love my Peter Pan joke
It’s the funniest I’ve told
And I tell it over and over
And it never gets old

PETER PAN GOT HIS NAME

Peter Pan got his name
Not by design or plan
It was after he got hit
In the peter with a pan

I HAD TO BUY TROUSER SHORTS

I had to buy trouser shorts
Which were easy to find
The ones with Velcro on
The detectable leg kind
Expensive though, so the term
“Rip off” comes to mind

THERE ARE THREE THINGS FOR WHICH

There are three things for which
Witnesses are required for
Criminal acts, accidents and
Marriages, so need I say more?

I NEED TO START PAYING CLOSER ATTENTION

I need to start paying closer attention
To things, every detail of this and that
Because I found out today that my wife
And I, have different names for our cat

WHY IS IT THAT EVERYTHING I LOVE

Why is it that everything I love
Is either unhealthy, addictive
Or has taken out more than one
Restraining order against me

AS A BOY I ASKED GOD FOR A BIKE ONE DAY

As a boy I asked God for a bike one day,
But I knew God didn’t work that way
So I decided to steal a bike and then
I asked God for forgiveness instead

I'M REALLY GOOD AT DOING THINGS

I'm really good at doing things
Practical and skilful things,
Hands on artisan type things
Until I have people watching

I BOUGHT A VACUUM CLEANER SIX MONTHS AGO

I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago
And a top of the range model was a must
But I have to say it hasn’t earned its keep as yet
As so far all it's been doing is gathering dust

IMAGINE BEING FIVE MINUTES FROM THE END

Imagine being five minutes from the end
Of the longest movie ever made and then
It starts over because it forgot something
Well that's my wife’s way of story telling

MARRIAGE IS ALL ABOUT COMPROMISE

Marriage is all about compromise
For example my wife wanted a cat
I on the other hand did not want one
So we compromised and got a cat

THE END OF THE WORLD IS NOT A JOKE

The end of the world is not a joke
In fact it’s a source of great sorrow
But people still tell end of the world
Jokes like there is no tomorrow

WHAT MAKES PHILANDERERS CHASE WOMEN

What makes philanderers chase women
They have no intention of marrying?
Clearly the same urge that makes canines
Chase cars they have no intention of driving

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