A Little Bit Of Humour # 157

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 391

Tuesday's child
Is full of grace,
(Well it’s not that lump of a boy next door then)

ARE YOU WEARING KNICKERS?

Are you wearing Knickers?
Sorry I can’t hide my snickers
But beggars can’t be pickers
And I expect better from Vicars

THE EASTER EGG DIDN’T CROSS THE ROAD

The Easter Egg didn’t cross the road
And the reason for that I bet
Is quite simple and can only be
Because he wasn't a chicken yet

ROSENCRANTZ AND GUILDENSTERN # 10

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern
Contrary to the rumour did not peg it
After they stole the theatre takings
They were recognised and had to leg it

THE ROYAL AND ANCIENT AND A SAINT

I know little about St Andrew
Other than a shared name
With a famous Golf course
So he must have liked a game

IT'S NOT THAT I CAN’T JUGGLE

It's not that I can’t juggle,
That’s not the struggle
It’s just that I have to admit
I don’t have the balls for it

I WAS ASKED WHO I WANTED

I was asked who I wanted
My emergency contact to be
It took me only seconds to reply
“A good doctor obviously”

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 400

Peter, Peter, pumpkin-eater,
Had a wife and couldn't keep
It was doomed from the start
As pumpkin made him fart

NOW I’M NEITHER FOR OR AGAINST BUT

Now I’m neither for or against but
Four million, three hundred and seven
People got married last year,
But shouldn't that number be even?

AS I LEFT THE STORE EMPTY HANDED

As I left the store empty handed
There was an awkward moment
When I said repeatedly to myself
“Just act natural, you're innocent”.

I WANT TO DIE PEACEFULLY IN MY SLEEP

I want to die peacefully in my sleep,
Like Dad, peacefully without a fuss
And not screaming and yelling
Like the passengers did on his bus

THE TECHNOLOGICAL AGE

The technological age of the
21st century is great, isn't it?
When deleting history has become
More important than making it.

AFTER ALMOST FIFTY YEARS OF LABOUR

After almost fifty years of labour
I have failed to get ahead even a bit
Because I started out with nothing,
And I find that I still have most of it

TWO WRONGS DON'T MAKE A RIGHT

Two wrongs don't make a right,
I tell my daughter and her brother
And if you need a good example
Just look at me and your mother

TEAM WORK IS IMPORTANT

Team work is important,
In fact its second to none
Because it makes it easier
To put the blame on someone

IT ONLY DAWNS ON YOU QUITE

It only dawns on you, quite
How un-photogenic you are
Until it’s time for a group photo
And they hand you the camera

I'M NOT SAYING THAT I HATE HIM

I'm not saying that I hate him,
But my dislike is well known
And I’d unplug his life support
In order to charge my phone