A Little Bit Of Humour # 152

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 386

Harlequin ladybird, fly away home
Your kind are not welcome here
So get your Harlequin spotted arse
Back to where you belong in Asia

ARE YOU WEARING CLAM DIGGERS?

Are you wearing clam diggers?
How very beachcomber of you
However inappropriate, given
The fact seafood makes you spew

ROSENCRANTZ AND GUILDENSTERN # 5

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern
Contrary to the rumour, are not dead
But are doing an Elizabethan tribute act
At the Edinburgh Fringe instead

ARE YOU WEARING GREEN?

Are you wearing green?
My pretty young Coleen
And that’s everything so?
Well that’s nice to know
And is an image to bewitch
If you do mean every stitch

A VOYAGE ROUND MY FATHER (6)

At a get together with Family
My widowed father told me
That he had found a new lady
“We’re off to Portuguese India”
“Oh really” I said, “Goa?”
“No” he said “she’s a bit demure”

I HAVE GIVEN UP SEX FOR LENT # 1

I have given up sex for Lent
Which should not disconcert
As I haven’t done it for six years
So another month won’t hurt

ARE YOU WEARING SHAMROCK?

Are you wearing shamrock?
And Patrick is patron saint, but why?
Did he drive the snakes out of Ireland?
Or did he just have a great PR guy?

THE PERFECT FATHER’S DAY GIFT

On Father's Day, I want to give my Dad
The very best present that I can get
One that he wants more than anything
But I can't afford to move out yet

IF YOU ARE A LOVER OF PUNS

If you are a lover of puns
Then on shrove Tuesday
There is only one conclusion
And that that its pun-cake day

I TOOK MY DOG TO A BONFIRE PARTY

I took my dog to a bonfire party
And he stared at the fire blankly
I twigged as I watched the fiery licks
It was because he loved sticks
In fact sticks were one of his joys
So the fire was like a pile of his toys

ALTHOUGH IT HAS BECOME A FAMILY TRADITION

Although it has become a family tradition
Not everyone over eats on Thanksgiving
And of course I’m referring to the Turkeys
Because they were stuffed in the beginning

HOOCHIE COOCHIE

I really like to smooch
With my hoochie cooch
And the times I am in bliss
Is when we hug and kiss
Because I’m just a sucker
For my honey’s pucker

WHAT THE PAPERS SAY

They were reviewing the papers
On TV this morning
And A4 is still the most popular
So that’s quite boring

CHEESE DO

I went to a cheese function
For cheese from Brie to Blue
When the hot cheese appeared
It all became a really fun do

DAWN ROSE ON THE DESERT

Dawn rose on the desert
In the crisp morning air
But she didn’t have a clue
How she actually got there

RISKY BEHAVIOURS

She woke up on Sunday morning
And regretted her risky behaviours
Muttering as she looked at her partner
“I should have gone to Specsavers”