FAIRY TALE’S RESPUN # 15
The true nature of fairy tales
Are for the devotee, a heartbreaker
Because the tales were sanitized
Such as the Elves and the Hoe maker
I WENT INTO HOSPITAL FOR MINOR SURGERY # 10
I went into hospital for minor surgery
The whole surgical team acted like comedians
As I was going under I heard the surgeon say
“Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!”
ARE YOU WEARING BUBBLE WRAP?
Are you wearing bubble wrap?
Well that is a novel form of dress
But if I were to start popping the bubbles
Would that cause you any distress?
I DON’T WALK WITH THE CROWD
I don’t walk with the crowd and
I’m not the usual Microwave user
I like to stop it at one second
Just to feel like a bomb de-fuser.
THE SECRET TO A HAPPY MARRIED LIFE # 2
The secret to a happy married life
Is that good things needn’t be hurried
So be engaged for at least six months
Before the two of you get married
I DON’T MIND YOU NOT BEING GLAMMED UP
I don’t mind you not being glammed up
But a gent’s tweed suit is not your normal attire
Is there any reason for your change of style?
Is the masculine look some form of satire?
THE BEST EASTER ACTOR OF ALL TIME # 3
I saw Arnie eating a chocolate egg
So I said “I know what your favourite
Christian festival is” and he said
“You have to love Easter, baby”
THE GRIM REAPER CAME FOR ME LAST NIGHT
The Grim Reaper came for me last night
And I could barely catch my breath
But I beat him away with a vacuum cleaner
And was really Dyson with death.
AN UMBRELLA WAS LIKE A PANCAKE
Granddad always said, an umbrella was like
A pancake, but I didn’t know what he meant?
I only found out many years later that it was
Because they were seldom seen after lent
WHEN HIS FOOD ARRIVED
When his food arrived
He saw something distressing
“There’s a button in my salad”
The waiter said, messing
“That's all right, sir,
It's just part of the dressing”