21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 375
Star light, star bright,
No I don’t want to tonight
If truth be told, alright
I think stargazing is shite
WHEN WE SPEAK OF A BROTHER
When we speak of a brother
We can also speak of brethren,
But although we say Mother,
I have never heard said, Methren
MY UNCLE GOT CAUGHT STEALING AGAIN
My uncle got caught stealing again
It’s an occupation hazard by and large
This time it was luxury toilet rolls
And he pleaded quilty to the charge
ON THE JOURNEY TO WORK
On the journey to work
I had a nightmare
But I woke up before I ran
Anyone down to be fair
THE SIGN IN THE LAYBY READ
The sign in the layby read
“No dumping” it was hard to miss
But luckily it didn’t apply to me
Because I only needed a piss
THERE WAS AN IRRITATING WHINING SOUND
There was an irritating whining sound
As I was driving to work today
I ignored it and drove on into town
To drop my wife off and then it was ok
DO YOU WANT TO SEE A NAKED HARPIST
“Do you want to see a naked harpist?”
I was asked and of course replied yes please
But I was told that I mustn’t touch the harp
Because of the risk of catching harpies
I ONCE WENT OUT WITH A HARPIST
I once went out with a harpist
Who played it naked, except for specs
She wasn’t very good but afterwards
We had No strings attached sex
I PICKED UP A TRAY OF LAMB CHOPS
I picked up a tray of Lamb chops
Labelled “Reared in Wales” in the shop
I refused to buy them on the basis
That I thought that was a bit racist
MY NEIGHBOURS ARE OBNOXIOUS
My neighbours are obnoxious, rude
And loud and they’re doing in my cranium
They are so intolerable that I finally
Know, what it must be like to be a Canadian
I GOT CHATTING ON THE EURO STAR
I got chatting on the Euro Star
And I really rather enjoyed it
First I made a Belgian waffle
And then a Frenchman talk shit
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