A Little Bit Of Humour # 123

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 373

Mary had a little lamb
She also had a lama
The former was a grump
But the latter was a charmer

SO IF IT IS CORRECT THAT ONE # 1

So if it is correct that
One may be “that”
And multiples would be those
Yet the singular hat
Would in the plural
Be hats and never hose


THE LVG WAY

Your team should always have a plan “B”
In modern football you would have to say
Unfortunately for Manchester United though
Louis van Gaal doesn’t have a plan “A”

YESTERDAY I WENT TO SEE THE DOCTOR

Yesterday I went to see the doctor
Because I was feeling like hell
And he said, “You've got hypochondria”
“Oh no” I said “Not that as well”

WE WERE EATING AT AN INDIAN RESTAURANT

We were eating at an Indian restaurant
When we received news of the trauma
We all found it very distressing
My naan had slipped into a Korma

MY NEIGHBOUR STOLE MY SHOES

My neighbour stole my shoes
He’s the nicest man you could meet
I was going to confront him?
But at the last minute I got cold feet

WHEN I WAS STILL A LITTLE KID

When I was still a little kid
I thought my grandad was a hero
Because he was Lollipop man
And I thought that was a superhero

MY GRANDAD WAS KILLED BY A ZULU

I was always led to believe that
My grandad was killed by a Zulu
But he was killed when the roof
Collapsed in a London Zoo Loo

I LEARNED COUNTING USING DRIED SEMOLINA

I learned counting using dried semolina
Everything else was superfluous
It’s the way we used to do it in Morocco
It was what we call our Abacouscous

I’M PAST MY SELL BY DATE

According to my wife
I’m past my sell by date
But for my children,
I’ve not passed my use by date

MR ONION TOLD A JOKE IN CLASS

Mr Onion told a joke in class
He’s a bore so I don’t know why
But he told it anyway and we
didn’t know Whether to laugh or cry

BURNING ALL HER BILLS

My next-door neighbour
At number ninety two
Has been burning all her bills
But, that’s Bernadette for you