A Little Bit Of Humour # 118

WHY DID THE DIVORCEE CROSS THE ROAD?

Why did the divorcee cross the road?
Well not just to get to the other side
The reason he wanted to cross over
Was so he could avoid another bride

WHEN I HAD MY VERY FIRST GARDEN

When I had my very first garden
It filled me with absolute terror
I didn’t have any experience
But I learnt by trowel and error

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 368

Wee Willie Winkie runs through the town,
Upstairs and downstairs in his nightgown,
He goes to the doctor without hesitation
And four hours later has a penis extension

ARE YOU WEARING ODD SOCKS? # 3

Are you wearing odd socks?
Well it’s not quirky or hipster
And I don’t think it was your intent
I think you must have dementia

THE PLURAL OF FOOT

So if it is correct that
The plural of foot is feet
Then why is the plural of boot,
Boots and not beet

IT IS A SAD FACT OF LIFE THAT IF # 2

It is a sad fact of life that if
There is a worse time, when
Something can go wrong
Of course it will happen then

IF CLERGYMEN CAN BE DEFROCKED # 2

If clergymen can be defrocked
Then can dry cleaners get de-pressed
Or must songwriters be de-composed
And hair stylists get dis-tressed?

WHEN THE PRINCESS FOUND THE FROG

When the princess found the frog
And the kiss was firmly planted
The prince turned out to be gay
And the Princess was disenchanted

BIMBETTE IS NOT THE BRIGHTEST

Bimbette is not the brightest
And living with her is very hard
In fact she’s the reason
The gene pool needs a lifeguard

I MADE MY GIRL BIMBETTE

I made my girl Bimbette
Really laugh on Saturday
The only problem is I told
Her the joke on Wednesday

MEN LIKE LOGIC AND SEX

Men like logic and sex
In fact they really like it
But sex better than logic
Though I can't prove it

PUT DOWN # 59

Put downs work the best
For deflecting unwanted attention
But try to be amusing
As this relieves the tension
If he says “you are the sun and the moon”
Simply don’t be taken in by it
And just say “I may love to shop
But I'm not buying your bullshit”

BIMBETTE SAYS SHE CAN COUNT TO SEVENTY

Bimbette says she can count to seventy
But I think that’s very doubtful
Because in my experience she always
Finds sixty nine a bit of a mouthful

SOME PEOPLE ARE UP BEAT

Some people are up beat
And see life as a positive
But I was born to be a pessimist
Even my blood type is B Negative

MY SON JOKES ABOUT MY AGE # 1

My son jokes about my age
His humour is very droll
He says that my first passport
Was written on a scroll