ARE YOU WEARING A HALLOWEEN SWEATER?
Are you wearing a Halloween sweater?
It’s a bit cute and pretty in my view
So if you don’t mind my saying so
You’re not a proper witch are you?
I THINK MY CHICKENS ARE POSSESSED
I think my chickens are possessed
My wife is very much distressed
Their feathers are all dishevelled
And the eggs they lay are Devilled
ARE YOU WEARING A GHOULISH JUMPER?
Are you wearing a ghoulish Jumper?
Well its contents are rather bumper
I don’t think you’re one of those kooks
And that’s a lovely pair of spooks
I LOST MY VIRGINITY TO A WICCAN GIRL
I lost my virginity to a Wiccan girl
Who was a scrawny little witch
With the reputation for being
A bit of a thorny little bitch
She mellowed to me in my bed
And I was left with a horny itch
ARE YOU WEARING HALLOWEEN EARRINGS?
Are you wearing Halloween earrings?
They rather fill me with dread?
Please answer me one question
Are they real shrunken heads?
THE THREE FOOT GHOSTS AND GHOULS
The three foot ghosts and ghouls
Roam the neighbourhood streets
Demanding candy with menaces
When tricks arise after no treats
ARE YOU WEARING A HALLOWEEN TIE?
Are you wearing a Halloween tie?
If that’s what it’s supposed to be
Well what is it if it’s not a tie?
Oh god it’s alive and wriggly
DARK MONSTERS FROM THE PITS OF HELL
Dark monsters from the pits of hell
Ghosts and ghouls from where they dwell
Witch or warlock cast a withering spell
All answering the ring of the Halloween bell
ARE YOU WEARING STRIPED STOCKINGS?
Are you wearing striped stockings?
It must be that time of the year again
I know you think they’re cute, but
Your legs look like necrotic candy canes
ARE YOU WEARING A HALLOWEEN DRESS?
Are you wearing a Halloween Dress?
Well it’s really just a black shapeless thing
But I suppose it’s all right as it goes
If I get to find out what’s under the thing
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