WHINGING BRITS ABROAD # 9
When we were on holiday
My wife was bitten by a mosquito
Nowhere in the brochure
Did it mention mosquitoes
BANANA IS AN ACRONYM
BANANA is an acronym for
"Build Absolutely Nothing
Anywhere Near Anybody"
That’s real forward thinking
I WANTED TO WRITE A BOOK ABOUT MACHISMO
I wanted to write a book about machismo
About real men achieving their destiny
A ground breaking piece of literature
Unfortunately my wife wouldn't let me
I’M NOT DAIRY OR GLUTEN INTOLERANT
I’m not dairy or gluten intolerant
Nor do I follow the sugar free fad
I don’t need to entertain them,
I’m tolerant of all foods and I’m glad
ARE YOU USING CONTRACEPTION?
“Are you using contraception?
Either Condoms or the pill?
So between you and your boyfriend”
She was asked “Who foots the bill?”
“I do” she replied “I’m a liberated woman,
But the cost of them is something grim,
The problem is I don't know him well enough
To discuss money with him”
WHY CAN'T HOBO’S PLAY BASEBALL?
Why can't hobo’s play baseball?
At the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome?
Well they say it’s nothing personal
It’s just that they can't find home
DON’T MOAN ABOUT FUEL ECONOMY
Don’t moan about fuel Economy
Please don’t keep going on
Spare a thought for Dr Who
His Tardis get 30 years to the gallon
WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS, AGAIN
When life gives you lemons
Making lemonade is the deal
But if life gives you Lemmings
I’m afraid that’s too surreal
NATURE GIFTED US WITH THE SNOWY OWL
Nature gifted us with the snowy owl
Who on majestic wings takes flight
In the Arctic regions of the North
Hunting its prey both day and night
Corbyn! Leading the labour party
They couldn’t have got it wronger
I wouldn’t have voted for him
To lead the conference party conga