A Little Bit Of Humour # 91

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 365

Hush, little baby, don't say a word,
Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird.
If I can get one from Pets at home

ARE YOU WEARING A SAILOR SUIT?

Are you wearing a sailor suit?
Are you trying to look cute?
Or are you trying to win a bet
Either way you just look wet

I LOVE JESSICA RABBIT

I love Jessica Rabbit,
I watch her films all the time
I find her so erotic
It’s just like watching porn
But don’t blame sweet Jessica
For my peccadilloes
It’s really not her fault
It’s just the way she’s drawn

THERE MAY WELL BE, AS THEY SAY

There may well be, as they say
“Plenty of fish in the sea”
But until I catch myself a cod
I'm left holding my rod

ONCE I FOUND OUT THAT MASTURBATING

Once I found out that masturbating
Was an addictive habit
I knew from that very moment on
That I just had to beat it

I ALWAYS WEAR A SEAT BELT

I always wear a seat belt
Even though they do constrict
But I couldn't work out how
To do it up and then it clicked

I CAN’T PLAY MY INSTRUMENT

I can’t play my instrument
We were mismatched
So I am selling my guitar
No strings attached

I WENT AWAY TO A THIRD WORLD COUNTRY

I went away to a third world country in secret
Because I knew the British doctors would scoff
So I went ahead and had a cheap circumcision
But although it was a lot cheaper it was a rip off

I LOVE THE HUMAN BODY

I love the human body though some
Bits more than others I must confess
And I thank God for nipples, as without
Them breasts would be pointless

OUTSIDE THE DRUG REHAB CENTRE

Outside the drug rehab centre
There was something a little crass
There was a sign on the lawn
That said “Keep off the Grass”

I AM NOT HANDY ABOUT THE HOUSE

I am not handy about the house
Or with the “Do It Yourself” game
And when a book falls on my head
I've only got my shelf to blame

DARTH VADER WAS SOMETHING OF A BAKER

Darth Vader was something of a baker
It was a side of him he liked to hide
He wasn’t good and when he made biscuits
They were always a little on the dark side