21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 354
Bye, baby Bunting,
Daddy’s gone a-hunting,
Well he’s gone to the meat counter
At the local Sainsbury’s
ARE YOU WEARING FAIRY DUST?
Are you wearing fairy dust?
If you’re a fairy it really is a must
But the one thing I cannot tell
Are you the one called Tinkerbelle?
IF YOUR BLIND DATE IS DESCRIBED TO YOU # 2
If your blind date is described to you
As an “Adventurer” then it depends
But it’s probably worse than it sounds
And they’ll have sex with all your friends
WE HAVE LOVED EGGS # 2
We have loved eggs
Since we were children
Hen Fruits my dad
Used to call them
POPPY DOUBTED HER HUSBAND’S FIDELITY # 2
Poppy doubted her husband’s fidelity
And confronted him about it in vain
He flat out denied having fooled around
But added it would never happen again
WHAT DO PENSIONERS?
What do pensioners?
Consider long lunches to be?
Perfectly normal I think
At least as far as I can see
AT ONE HUNDRED YEARS OF AGE SHE WAS ASKED
At one hundred years of age she was asked
At her age what thing gave her the most pleasure?
She thought for a moment before she replied
The most satisfying thing was “No peer pressure”
WHY DO YOU LOOK BEMUSED?
Why do you look bemused?
It’s just our point of view
But sometimes we are not
Thinking about you
PLEASE DON’T GET ME WRONG
Please don’t get me wrong
It’s not that I’m a prude
And under the right circumstances
I quite like being rude
But at the end of the day
I just find Keith Lemon crude
MY WIFE WENT TO THE BEAUTY PARLOUR
My wife went to the beauty parlour
And had a mudpack applied
Which improved her appearance
Until it fell off and she cried
THE JURY FOREMAN CLEARLY ANNOUNCED
The jury foreman clearly announced
To the court "Not guilty of robbery"
The defendant asked his solicitor
"Does that mean I can keep the money?"
SUPERMARKET BLUES # 1
You know it really gets me down
As you wait patiently in the queue
And some numpty shopper behind
Runs his trolley into the back of you