Thursday 27 November 2014

Christmas Stocking Fillers # 4

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 17

Twas the night before Christmas and all thru the house
Not a creature was stirring not even a louse
But there is a reason and here’s the tell
It’s just been fumigated and stank like hell

EBENEZER SCROOGE WENT TO COURT

Ebenezer Scrooge went to court,
Accused of shagging a cat
The judge dismissed the case in a jiffy
And said in all his years as a judge,
That he'd never known Scrooge
To put anything into a kitty

CHRISTMAS ISN’T JUST ABOUT PRESENTS

Christmas isn’t just about presents
I have a far deeper meaning in mind
Christmas marks the birth
Of the saviour of all mankind

CELEBRATING CRIMBO

Some drunken bimbo
With legs akimbo
Showing off her bits
From ankle to pits
Lay in the gutter
And was heard to utter
To a fellow bimbo
Hacky crambo

ARE YOU WEARING ELF EARS?

Are you wearing elf ears?
It’s a very sweet look on you
So take me to your workshop
And do what little elves do

THE BEST FORM OF EXERCISE

The best form of exercise
Is sex! Well that’s what they say
But five minutes at Christmas
Won’t take my beer gut away

HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO YOU BOTH

Happy Christmas to you both
See, we did remember
Because you are so dear
Just like every year

We will never forget
We just wish and wish
You were still here
Just like every year

We will remember
And take a pause
Amidst the cheer
Just like every year

So we wish you
A happy Christmas
And wipe away a tear
Just like every year

Mary Evelyn Curtis 20/1/1921 – 29/3/1993
Harold Curtis 19/6/1922 – 8/5/1978

ORANGES ARE NOT THE ONLY FRUIT

When my Dad was just a boy
He never saw a lemon or Lime
And oranges only ever appeared
In his house at Christmas time

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 11

Twas the night before Christmas
And all around the Crescent
Not a creature was stirring
Not even a peasant

ARE YOU WEARING A PAPER HAT?

Are you wearing a paper hat?
It’s Christmas day and that’s that
We’ve pulled our Christmas crackers
So everyone must wears a paper hat


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