Thursday 4 September 2014

A Little Bit Of Humour # 67

IT'S NATURAL TO BECOME QUIETER AS WE AGE

It's natural to become quieter as we age
It’s just another old age sin
It’s not easy to talk at the same time
As holding your stomach in

BIRTHDAY TELEGRAM

Bad news, Her Majesty isn't sending you
A telegram this year, but don’t despair
There is nothing to be concerned about
She's happy to know you're halfway there

SCOTTISH INDEPENDENCE REFERENDUM, 2014

The Scottish Nationalists
Want to go for independence
Which is their prerogative
I am filled with indifference
Go or stay I don’t care
Its Scotland’s decision
As long as it’s a well informed
Choice for the division
But dear Alex Salmond
Is one of the arrogant asses
Views everything English
Thru Tartan tinted glasses

Thursday 18 September 2014.

THE CILLIT BANG GUY

The Cillit Bang guy is
Punting it out here and there
So is Barry Scott now
A soap scum millionaire

THE GIRL WAS PIGEON CHESTED

The girl was pigeon chested
Which wasn't obvious to begin
But once I got her bra off
Both her nipples pointed in

CHOCOLATE COATED RAISINS

Chocolate coated raisins
I found out today
Can easily be included
As one of your five a day

COUGHS AND SNEEZES

Coughs and sneezes
Spread diseases
Colds and flu
And nasty wheezes
So protect against
Coughs and sneezes
There is one thing
That helps and eases
Have a smoke
To help the wheezes
Choose any brand
Pick one that pleases
So do not fear
Coughs and sneezes
Because smoking stops
Them spreading diseases

It’s alright I haven’t gone mad I was prompted to right this by Bee, who pointed out how strange it was how perceptions of things change over time.
For example Cigarettes were marketed in the 19th century as a cure for amongst other things Asthma and Catarrh.
Now we no different

I KNOW THAT YOU’RE REALLY OLD

I know that you’re really old
But your aging appears static
Which means you must have
A portrait hanging in the attic

JOHN BERCOW

John Bercow has
Got on his high horse
Regarding height-ism
Well I say high horse

I LOVE FOOT PUMPS

I love foot pumps
I think they are really neat
And are particularly good
If you have flat feet

YOU HAVE MADE IT TO THIRTY

You have made it to thirty
And I would just like to say
I have no words of comfort
It IS downhill all the way

YOU ARE 50 YEARS OLD

You are 50 years old
And if I may be so bold
Despite what you were told
The emphasis is on the old

GOOD BYE SCOTLAND GOODBYE

Good Bye Scotland goodbye
Good bye Scotland don't cry
That little Nationalist train
that makes me
Quite happy, no words can tell how glad it makes me
Go now Scotland and then,
We’ll wave goodbye once again.
Hear us all cheer
Without a tear
And if it all goes wrong don’t come back in a year
Good Bye Scotland goodbye.
Good bye Scotland don't cry.

Sung to the tune of Toot Toot Tootsie

THE CHOCOLATE STRAWBERRY’S

The Chocolate Strawberry’s
I have so far concluded
As one of your five a day
May definitely be included


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