A Little Bit Of Humour # 35

ROSENCRANTZ AND GUILDENSTERN # 1

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern
Contrary to the rumour, are not dead
But are doing a Piano cabaret act
On a cruise ship instead

NO DOMESTIC GODDESS

I am not by any means
A domestic goddess
To be perfectly honest
My house is a bloody mess

So by way of camouflaging
My domestic disgrace
I always keep on display
Above the fireplace

Get well soon cards
Displayed to be seen
By guests who think
I’ve been too ill to clean

WE HAD ANOTHER TRIVIA QUIZ

We had a Trivia quiz at the pub last night
And I got most of the questions right
But the final question always tells
“Name two things commonly found in cells?”
It appears that a Manc and Scouser
Was not the correct answer

SMOKING KILLS

Smoking kills
Of that there is no doubt
Especially if my wife
Were to find out

ROSENCRANTZ AND GUILDENSTERN # 2

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern
Contrary to the rumour of their demise
Are presenting shows as Ant and Dec
In their most cunning disguise

SLUMBER WARNING

There is a limit to how early
You might go to your repose
Or you might end up retiring
Before you actually arose

MY CRAZY BROTHER IN LAW

My crazy brother in law
Has had a penis extension
Now visitors approach his
House with real apprehension

ROSENCRANTZ AND GUILDENSTERN # 3

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern
Contrary to the rumour are not deceased
But are locked away in Broadmoor
And will never be released

THE CROWD WENT WILD

The crowd went wild
And the opposition reeled
As the Chicago Bugs
Won again at Wriggly Field

I WAS THROWN OUT OF A CLOTHING SHOP

I was thrown out of a clothing shop
It was one of the Muslim outlets
All I did was to ask if I could look
At one of their bomber jacket

YOU ARE TRULY MIDDLE AGED

You are truly middle aged
When your twilight is dawning
And you still believe you will
Feel better in the morning

ROSENCRANTZ AND GUILDENSTERN # 4

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern
Contrary to the rumour did not snuff it
They’re living in a bedsit in Merseyside
Where they have to rough it

THE DIARY OF A VIRGIN

The diary of a Virgin
Is a very short read
As there are within
No entries indeed

LAST NIGHT I HAD FOR MY TEA

Last night I had for my tea
A delicious beef stew
With dumplings, better known
As my wife Sue

IN GEORGE CLOONEY’S LATEST ROLE

In George Clooney’s latest role
He’s to play the part of Kevan
A habitual paedophile
And it’s called "Oh, She's Eleven?"