A Little Bit Of Humour # 34

RED FLANNEL NIGHTY

In your Red flannel nighty
But if I might say politely
You certainly don’t look flighty
But in regard to your flannel nighty
I don’t take my objective lightly
Which is to get inside it nightly

I CAN’T WATCH SYLVESTER STALLONE

I can’t watch Sylvester Stallone
I find his speech very distracting
He was clearly a graduate
Of the Mumbling school of acting

RED FLANNEL PJ’S

In your Red flannel PJ’s
You look quite a picture
Wrapped in the warm
Wool and cotton mixture

But as cosy as you look
I will immediately begin
To unbutton your PJ’s
And warm my hands within

WORDS ARE VERY IMPORTANT

Words are very important
Encyclopedia is one I like
But it doesn’t actually mean
A kiddie fiddler on a bike

THE LATEST WAY OF THINKING

Apparently the latest
Way of thinking
Is that there are
No such thing as facts
And that’s a fact

I DO PREFER NATURAL BEAUTY

I saw her and thought “not a fan”
She was all extensions and fake tan
And she’d applied the slap thick
And her lips needed a chap stick
I thought it again as she left lipstick
Around my undiscerning dipstick

VESUVIUS

Vesuvius is what
We called my sister Grace
It was because of all the
Eruptions on her face

A PAIR OF THERMOMETERS

What is the difference?
Between a pair of thermometers
Take your time don’t haste
One is oral the other rectal
It’s very simple really
The difference is the taste

I STRUGGLE WITH CERTAIN ACTORS

I struggle with certain actors
When giving cinematic recitals
Like De Niro and Pacino
They should come with subtitles

I HAVE SOMETHING OF A WEAKNESS

I have something of a weakness
I suppose it’s my Achilles
But I’m an old fashioned letch
So I like fillies in frillies