Tuesday, 22 October 2013

Life With Dorcas (Part Nine) Mouse About The House

In just a few short months my cozy little life had been turned upside down.
From the moment Dorcas breezed into my life on a bright June day when she almost sent me into the afterlife from behind the wheel of her car.
It was the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me, and that changed everything in a heartbeat.
Once I plucked up the courage to ask her out the next step was to fall in love with her which took no effort at all.
Then I needed to summon the courage to propose, which I did and almost put my mother into a coma in the process.
So far so good, meet pretty young brunette, woo pretty young brunette, fall in love with pretty young brunette, propose to pretty young brunette and finally move in with pretty young brunette.
Well I say finally what I mean to say is so far.
There are many more chapters obviously.

The next one began after two weeks of us living together.
All was going well and we had settled into a comfortable routine and it felt as if we had been together forever.
We were sitting in the kitchen eating crumpets on a Sunday morning when Dorcas suddenly said
“Can we get a cat?”
“What for?” I retorted
“Because I’d like one” she said sweetly
“Do we have to?” I sighed
“Don’t you like cats? Dorcas enquired
“I have no strong opinion either way” I informed
“So you don’t dislike them?” she asked
“No not at all” I replied
“Are you allergic?” she queried
“Nope” I replied
“So can we?” she asked cutely
“I take it that you have a strong opinion about cats?” I asked
“Oh yes” she replied “I love them”
“They’re very lovely, they’re good company, they’re clean, they’re not demanding” she continued
“And they keep mice away” she added as if that one reason underlined all the others
“I don’t have mice” I stated
I had never had mice in the house in all the years I had lived there and was not at all unhappy with that fact and I didn’t need a cat to achieve that.
All through my childhood at my parents’ house we didn’t have a cat and we were mouse free so the point seemed moot.
“Please, please, pretty please” she begged
And I was helpless to resist
“Ok, ok” I conceded
“Yey” she screamed and jumped up and down before planting a kiss on my mouth.
“But” I interjected
“But?” she repeated
“There are certain conditions” I stated
“Which are?” she asked
“No Toms” I said “I don’t want spraying in the house”
“Check” she responded
“I’m the only alpha male in this house” I said pompously
“Ok tiger” she mocked
“No rescue cats, I don’t want to take any chances on getting a mental one like John and Carole did” I continued
“Check” she responded
“And no kittens” I added
“Ok” she agreed “Anything else?”
“No that’s the lot” I confirmed
“Good get your coat on” she instructed
“What for?” I asked
“I said we’d pick the cat up before 11 o’clock” Dorcas said cheekily
“And how did you know I’d say yes?” I asked
“Because you’re lovely” she replied “and you love me”
“Yes well just remember that cutesy stuff won’t work once you lose your looks” I told her as we were going out the door
“It’ll still work even when I’m old and wrinkled” she said cockily

We were going to Mrs. Brownlow’s house, just a few doors down from us.
She was a lovely lady, who sadly was having to give up her cottage and move into a sheltered housing scheme on the other side of the village.
Where pets of any kind were not permitted.
Doris had a sweet little two year old tabby female called Pandora for whom she was looking for a good home and we were it.

Well all went swimmingly with Pandora’s arrival, she quickly took to us and made herself at home and although I had misgivings about getting a cat I was happy that I had agreed.
Then the presents started to arrive.
I would wake up in the morning and make my way downstairs to make coffee and there it would be, a mouse, a vole, a bird and on one occasion a coy carp.
All either dead or very near death and all of them gifts, for me the alpha male, from the huntress.
Sometimes Pandora would be in attendance smugly guarding her latest trophy.
On one particular morning in late November I came downstairs to find a squirrel.
“My God Pandora what on earth have you brought me this time?”
As soon as my foot landed on the hall floor she started rubbing herself around my ankles making a series of chirruping noises as she did so.
Then she would go and circle the stricken Squirrel, look up at me then at her prey and then back at me as if to say
“Look what I did”
“Yes very good, well done” I said without enthusiasm although I had to admit I was impressed.
Then she returned to my ankles and repeated the whole process again.
Pandora had just got to the point where she was saying to me
“I did that, that was me”
Then Dorcas came halfway down the stairs and hung over the bannister to enquire
“What’s going on?”
“Pandora brought in a squirrel” I told her
“A Squirrel?” she exclaimed “wow who’s a clever girl then?”
The cat responded to that by repeating the whole rubbing, chirruping and gloating sequence.
“Who’s a clever girl?” I said to myself as I slipped my unstockinged feet into a pair of wellies.
That was all well and good but she wasn’t the one who had to take the poor suffering twitching creature up the garden to finally dispatch it with a spade.

Of course finding dead offerings in the hall was far better than the alternative.
You see Pandora didn’t catch mice and such to display them as trophies or to supplement her diet.
She brought them into the house primarily as toys and she would play with them for hours, but sometimes they got away
Which is why I recalled what Dorcas had said about cats
“They’re very lovely, they’re good company, they’re clean, they’re not demanding” she continued
“And they keep mice away”
Well I had never had any mice to keep away, until now.
And now I have a cat.

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