Wednesday 9 October 2013

A Little Bit Of Humour # 30

TRAFFIC COP – I’M SORRY OFFICER

“I have to book you” the Officer said
“In the hope that you won’t do it again sir”
“No it won’t happen again” I said
“As I won’t forget to plug in my radar detector”

TAMARA AND PANDORA

Tamara Split-Whiskers
Loved Pandora ffanny-ffarte
Pandy still had her cherry
But Tammy had lost her heart
And though she tried hard
With miss ffanny-ffarte
She still couldn’t prize
Her skinny thighs apart

ARE YOU WEARING SUNGLASSES?

Are you wearing sunglasses?
Well they are the height of cool
But it’s England and its February
And you look a bloody fool

MY MUM WENT TO THE SALON

My mum went to the salon
She was in there for hours
But she didn’t get a face pack
She was beyond their powers

MY WIFE GOT A MUDPACK

My wife got a mudpack
And she looked great
Until two days later
It fell off her face mate

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 305

Kitty Fisher took a tumble
And her skirts went all akimbo
And as her legs flew in the air
You could see she’d gone commando

I AM FROM THE CARIBBEAN

I am from the Caribbean
And I find cooking very hard
But I do one thing very well
RhuBarbados and custard

TRAFFIC COP – AVOID ANY REFERENCE

Sometimes you can talk
Your way out of a ticket
A little bit of charm
Is probably the safest bet
Humour can work as well
Providing you’re careful
And avoid any reference
To the Village People

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 306

Rub a dub dub
Three men in a tub
I bet no one predicted that
When they met in the pub

HOBBIES ARE VERY IMPORTANT

Hobbies are very important
Even for planners and plotters
I think everyone needs a hobby
I myself count train spotters

SHORT SHIPMENT

I told my boss at work today
That we had a short shipment
And he went absolutely mad
He got straight on the phone
And showed his discontent
We had a shipment of shorts
Is what I actually meant

THE RED LIGHT

The Red Light
Means stop, although
In the seedier parts
It does mean go

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