Tuesday 17 September 2013

A Little Bit Of Humour # 25

TRAFFIC COP – I’M SORRY

When the police caught me speeding
My eyes were strained and blinking
I was pulled over by a putz

Who said “Your eyes look red,
Have you been drinking?”
So with no ifs or buts

“Your eyes look glazed”
I responded without thinking
“Have you been eating doughnuts?”

ARE YOU WEARING SPIVS GARB?

Are you wearing spivs garb?
You are doubtless here to chisel
Hawking your counterfeit goods
Doubtless all sausage and no sizzle

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 302

Little girl, little girl where have you been?
Have you been visiting London Zoo
Or gathering roses to give to the Queen.
Oh you went to get another Tattoo

BACK IN 66

Back in 66
When I was just a boy
I was full of pride
Watching Nobby’s jig of joy
And when Bobby Moore
Was raised shoulder high
Holding the World Cup
It made every Scotsman cry

GOING VEGETARIAN

Going vegetarian
They say is very wholesome
My only concern
Is having to eat a whole one

GREAT ROYAL WIFE NEFERTITI

Great Royal wife Nefertiti
Was the Ancient Egyptian Queen
Good time girl Nefertutu
Is just a modern dancing Queen

I MESSED ABOUT A LOT AT SCHOOL

I messed about a lot at school
And always played the fool
So I was expelled from school
And spent my time playing pool
And turned out a proper tool

INCENTIVE SCHEME

If your staff tell you an
Incentive scheme is desired
Say “I have one for you”
Work hard or get fired

AFTER MY HOLIDAY

After my holiday
My inbox was full
And the backlog
Was diabolical

After four hours
However it transpired
From an email I found
That I was fired

IF YOU’RE LONELY AT WORK

If you’re lonely at work
And you find it self-defeating
There is only one thing for it
And that is to call a meeting

OUR COMPUTERS WENT DOWN

Our computers went down
At the office today
So we had to do things
The old fashioned way
But Doris had a pack of cards
So playing cards was ok

MY WIFE DOESN’T GO TO THE GYM # 2

My wife doesn’t go to the gym
She’s as skinny as a candle
As she gets all the exercise she needs
Just from flying off the handle

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