A Little Bit Of Humour # 17

WHEN MY GIRLFRIEND SUGGESTED # 3

When my girlfriend suggested
We play Doctors and Nurses
I was up for it even when
She told me about the role reverses

But when I dressed up in a uniform
With a starched white apron
She buggered off to play
Eighteen holes with a surgeon

ARE YOU WEARING BLUE LIPSTICK?

Are you wearing blue lipstick?
Then you must be a Dutch chick
Because I’ve heard the song Ma’am
About blue lips from Amsterdam

I’M THINKING ABOUT TAKING A HOLIDAY # 3

I’m thinking about taking a holiday
But I don’t know where to go
I will probably be in Doubt
It’s not for frequent flyers though
Its destination I’m unsure of
In fact I’m not sure I want to go

SOMEWHERE UNPRONOUNCEABLE # 2

I went on holiday to somewhere unpronounceable
Who have a novel approach to automation
You are not prohibited to own a motor car
Unless it is Pink, making them a Pink Car-nation

THE RED HOUSE

I met her in the Red House
When she gave me the eye
I gave her an appraising look
And thought I’d give her a try
I knew my luck was in when
She was unbuttoning my fly

ANNA WAS A GOOD TIME GIRL

Anna was a good time girl
In fact she really had a ball
And we called her Anna Glypta
As she liked it up against the wall

I REMEMBER LIKE YESTERDAY

I remember like yesterday
That cold and crispy morn
And just how proud I felt
On the day my son was born

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 300

Baa Baa black sheep
Have you any wool?
Please say yes sir
To make my wagon full

No I don’t have any wool
You bloody Wally
I’m not a sheep
I’m your Border Collie

TOM SHARPE RIP

He wrote Vintage Stuff
Of Riotous Assembly
And Indecent Exposure
He liked his Porterhouse Blue
In The Great Pursuit
And was no Blott on the landscape
Nor was he The Throwback
With Ancestral Vices
And in the end he didn’t die
It was just a simple case of Wilt

IT’S MY BIRTHDAY TODAY AND I’M SEVENTY THREE

It’s my birthday today and I’m seventy three
And I’m fit as a fiddle, nothing wrong with me
Although my memory's not like it used to be
And also my memory's not like it used to be

MY WIFE SAID I WAS NOT MYSELF TODAY

My wife said I was not myself today
Which I thought was a funny thing to say
But then she went on to say to me
She noticed the improvement immediately

GROWING OLD TOGETHER

Growing old together
Is not an easy trip
In fact as time goes by
It’s just a pain in the hip