A Little Bit Of Humour # 12

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 292

There was an Owl lived in an oak.
And one day his hoot became a croak
His feathers were drab for all too see
Then he gasped and fell out of the tree

ARE YOU WEARING A KNITTED SWIMSUIT?

Are you wearing a knitted swimsuit?
Well I know there’s a recession on
But I’m afraid knitted swimwear
Isn’t at all the right thing to don

Because one of two things will happen
The weight of wool will pull them down
Or when you are swimming the weight
Will pull you under and you’ll drown

A GOLF OF DIFFERENCE

I have been playing Golf for years
And sometimes it makes me curse
But it doesn’t matter how bad I play
I know next time it could be worse

FOUL WEATHER GOLFER

If you don’t mind playing Golf in the rain,
Snow, Storm, Tempest or a hurricane,
Then not wishing to burst your bubble
It’s not just your golf game that’s in trouble

WE ARE TRADITIONALISTS # 2

We are traditionalists
In our village
Deep in little Britain.
And on a weekend
There is nothing
We like better
Than a game
Of ten peasant bowling

YOU CAN’T TAKE IT WITH YOU

“You can’t take it with you”
That’s what they say
But at the end of the day
A will is a dead giveaway

A BICYCLE COULDN'T STAND UP

A bicycle couldn't stand up
Alone it transpired
Because after a cycle
It was obviously two tired

WHEN I LIVED IN MELBOURNE

When I lived in Melbourne
I often used to wonder
Why the Local Area Network
Wasn’t called The LAN down under

COULD I TRY ON THAT PRETTY DRESS

"Could I try on that pretty dress
In the window?" she asked him
He replied "well I would prefer
That you used a cubicle madam"

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 293

There were two birds sat on a stone
The farmer saw them and then went home
He returned later with a loaded gun
Took close aim and then there were none

WHEN I FIRST MET HER

When I first met her
I was attracted by her looks
My first thought was not
I wonder if she cooks
But her literary inadequacy’s
One certainly brooks
She was only ever interested
In my cheque books

MY HUSBAND’S BEHAVIOUR

My husband’s behaviour
Is truly appalling
However it’s my fault really
Which is quite galling

If I hadn’t fed him cat food
Just for the laughs
He wouldn’t sit on the carpet
Licking his own arse

SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME

Since the beginning of time, the one thing
A woman really wants from her man
Is his commitment, its not a lot to expect
So have him committed as soon as you can

IF YOU’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR

If you’ve been looking for
A committed man for ions,
You should have started
In the mental institution

ARE YOU WEARING SILK DRAWERS?

Are you wearing silk drawers?
I only ask you as I can see
That you appear to be the victim
Of an elastic deficiency
And if you combine that
With the force of gravity
They are around your ankles
You may think it a catastrophe
But I would beg to differ
For me it’s just serendipity