A Little Bit Of Humour # 11

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 290

Robin and Richard were two pretty men,
They laid in bed till the clock struck ten;
Then up starts Robin and looks at the sky:
"Oh, sod it Richard, the sun's very high!
Stop sniggering and pull on your knickers
We’re late for training at Twickers”

THE PRACTICE SWING

If your practice swing
Is the best you can do
Then I would have to say
That Golfs not for you

ARE YOU WEARING A TOGA?

Are you wearing a toga?
I don’t want to be an ogre
But you’ll be a hit alright
At the house party tonight
As everyone will be knowing.
Because you will be showing
That beneath the flowing robes
You have unfettered globes

THE GIMME

If the “Gimme Putt”
Is the best you can do
Then I would have to say
That Golfs not for you

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 291

Blow wind, blow
And go, mill, go
I heard the miller cry
But I don’t know why
He needs wind to grind
He’s clearly lost his mind
I know he has corn
To grind before dawn
And I know it’s hectic
But the Mill is electric
So he should know
If the wind did blow
The sails would be still
And it won’t turn the mill

ARE YOU WEARING ROMAN ROBES?

Are you wearing Roman robes?
They’re very loose and flowing
And they fit where they touch
Without any detail showing
Which keeps a man guessing
I really like that about them
Because it’ll be a surprise later
When I take you up the forum

RUNNING GENES

Scientists say there are now
Running Genes
But surely it would chafe
If you ran in Jeans

DANCING TO HIP HOP

I like breakin’ and poppin’
And dancing to Hip hop
At Sixty I should be stoppin’
As I’m down for a Hip op

ARE YOU WEARING A REUNION BADGE?

Are you wearing a reunion badge?
No wonder you look depressed
Steer clear of the class reunion
It will just leave you distressed
I know it was a bit of fun looking
At the old school year books
But going will just make you feel
Older than everyone else looks

GENETIC MARKERS

Scientists say they have discovered
Genetic markers that indicate athleticism
I think if they take a close look at mine
I will have markers for Couch potatoism

PORTMANTEAU

I was looking for a word
That summed up slogan or motto
But something more pithy
In the end I settled on Slotto

21ST CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES

21st Century Nursery Rhymes
I really find are such a doddle
Though most people think
That they are a load of twaddle
But as I rapidly approach
The autumn of my days
It’s frankly just too late
For me to change my ways

DIVIDING OPINION

Because of the obvious risk
That one of us might fall
I had a stair lift fitted
Which I don’t mind at all
But my wife says that its
Driving her up the wall

WE ARE TRADITIONALISTS # 1

We are traditionalists
In our village
Deep in little Britain.
And on a weekend
There is nothing
We like better
Than a game
Of spin the pauper