YOU ARE A NAUGHTY LITTLE ELF
You are a naughty little Elf
Do you behave yourself?
By the look upon your face
You’re no stranger to disgrace
So it is my Christmas wish
To share a Christmas kiss
So climb upon me knee
And you will quickly see
I have that special touch
That you’ll like very much
When I curl your toes
Inside your ho ho hose
CHRISTMAS MANIA
Uncle John has mental health issues
And he doesn’t do well with stress
So normally come Christmas time
He has to board the bi-polar express
THE BIG FELLA’S R & R
After circumnavigating the globe
Staring at the back end of Prancer
Santa Claus really looks forward
To watching a north pole dancer
HANDLE MUM WITH CARE
Mum gets really stressed out at Christmas
And you upset her if you dare
Because the result could be that you will
Be hung from the chimney with care
SANTA CLAUS IS IN TROUBLE
Santa Claus is in trouble
He’s been up to his old tricks again
When the Christmas fairy was found
Licking his candy cane
SANTA’S HELPER
Santa has helpers at Christmas
To get him through the season
Then he rests pretty much until Easter
He claims fatigue is the reason
And he is unable to fulfil his duties
Satisfying his cute little yelper
So he bought Mrs Claus a new toy
To make his neglected wife purr
It came with plenty of batteries
Its known as Santa Big helper
THE BIG FELLA’S R & R AGAIN
After circumnavigating the globe
The reins of his sleigh in his hand
The only thought on his mind
Is his wife’s winter wonderland
WANTED: SANTA’S LITTLE HELPER
It wasn’t efficiency
Santa wanted from his helper
He preferred them to be
A barker and a yelper
But then the vacancy was for
Santa’s slutty little helper
RUDOLF’S LOW SELF ESTEEM
Rudolf suffered
From low self esteem
Due to the red nose
It would seem
It rendered him useless
As a parcel carrier
So Santa made a call
To a reindeer whisperer
WE WENT TO A FAIRY TALE PARTY
We went to a fairy tale party
Which I thought was crappy
I ended up feeling grumpy
While my wife was felling happy
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