ARE YOU WEARING? # 8

ARE YOU WEARING WELLIES?

Are you wearing wellies?
Why where are we going?
Will it be quite muddy?
Or has it been snowing
They are not for outdoors?
Then their use has receded
So please just tell me
Why the wellies are needed?
I still don’t understand
If there is no outdoor activity
Oh now the penny has dropped
They’re for indoor depravity

ARE YOU WEARING PIXIE BOOTS?

Are you wearing pixie boots?
Well they really are beauties
I’ve always had a soft spot
For little woodland cuties
So let me carry you away
Like a prized piece of booty
To a woodland clearing
Where we can get really fruity

ARE YOU WEARING A PLEATED SKIRT?

Are you wearing a pleated skirt?
It’s really very flattering on you
A blandishment to your hips
And narrows the waist without ado
And when the wind lifts it up
Your scanty wares come into view

ARE YOU WEARING A SNEER?

Are you wearing a sneer?
Well that’s how you appear
Like you’re looking down your nose
From some commanding belvedere

So what of your countenance
If it’s not a look of distain
What did you wish to convey
Perhaps we should start again

ARE YOU WEARING SOMETHING SPECIAL?

Are you wearing something special?
For my special birthday treat
Something daringly risqué
Nothing remotely discreet
Something minimalist in silk
Would be right up my street

ARE YOU WEARING A UNION SUIT?

Are you wearing a union suit?
Well not exactly a source of phwors
It’s just an un-sexy combination
Of a vest and long drawers
But joined together like a romper suit
The addition of the trap doors
Makes it a little more exciting
I think I’d like to go through yours

ARE YOU WEARING A WIG?

Are you wearing a wig?
No I’m not having a dig
I’m not a fan of them
But this is an ill fitting item

It just doesn’t suit you
I know it’s just my view
I’m not meaning to nag
You look like you’re in drag

ARE YOU WEARING A TUTU?

Are you wearing a tutu?
Oh it really does suit you
Give me a twirl oh do do
In your pretty little tutu

ARE YOU WEARING A BOB?

Are you wearing your hair in a bob?
I think they’ve done a good job
It makes you look like a flapper
No I didn’t say you were a slapper
From the roaring twenties, a party girl
No I didn’t say you were a tarty girl
Instead of having your hair cut short
In order to prevent any auditory distort
And to stop you miss hearing things
You should have had your ears syringed

ARE YOU WEARING A FLAT CAP?

Are you wearing a flat cap?
How very working class
And you a Roedean girl
Normal so up her own arse

Dressing up like an oick
Does have some appeal
So say something common
And let me cop a feel