ARE YOU WEARING FALSE EYE LASHES?
Are you wearing false eye lashes?
You haven’t worn them before?
It’s just the way you’ve put them on
Makes you look like a Labrador
ARE YOU WEARING STILETTOS?
Are you wearing stilettos?
To cramp and pinch your toes
I’ll grant you have attractive pins
And the admirer certainly wins
But is it really worth the pain
To totter on your heels again
ARE YOU WEARING A WET SUIT?
Are you wearing a wet suit?
I’m sorry my query is moot
Why are you? Is more appropriate
As we’re stood in the Sahara desert
ARE YOU WEARING FISHNET STOCKINGS?
Are you wearing fishnet stockings?
They might be considered shocking
To those who think prim and proper
About a saucy stocking topper
Their thoughts are rather haughty
Where mine lean towards the naughty
So what other delightful accessory
Might be found up where necessary
ARE YOU WEARING A BLUSH?
Are you wearing a blush?
Oh was that another flush?
What have I been missing?
Who have you been kissing?
Have you been up to no good?
Been no better than you should?
Exactly what kind of disgrace?
Would put such colour in your face
ARE YOU WEARING FRUMPY CLOTHES?
Are you wearing frumpy clothes?
Because you like the style
Or did you cease to consider
Your appearance after a while
Perhaps you’re not in vogue
Because you’re just out of time
And dream of distant days
Being old fashioned is not a crime
ARE YOU WEARING SOMETHING CHIC?
Are you wearing something chic?
On your figure oh so sleek
That’s beautifully figure hugger
To tantalise a horny bugger
ARE YOU WEARING UGG BOOTS?
Are you wearing ugg boots?
I’m just a little shocked Aunty Ruth
Yes they are rather fun aren’t they
But to tell you the honest truth,
Without wanting to call you old,
They are more suited to the youth
ARE YOU WEARING LINCOLN GREEN?
Are you wearing Lincoln green?
Do you really think you should?
Because this isn’t merry England
And you aren’t Robin Hood
ARE YOU WEARING A SEAT BELT?
Are you wearing a seat belt?
Well you must as it’s the law
Yes I know its confining
But not as much as a mortuary draw