ARE YOU WEARING BOXING GLOVES?
Are you wearing boxing gloves?
Well as they say “if the cap fits”
I should say it’s not before time
And might curb your nocturnal habits
ARE YOU WEARING A SMILE?
Are you wearing a smile?
Because you know all the while
In your own inimitable style
That you are a commandophile
ARE YOU WEARING SURGICAL STOCKINGS?
Are you wearing surgical stockings?
I know that shouldn’t excite me
The thought of them turns me on
If that’s a problem you can bite me
ARE YOU WEARING A ROSE?
Are you wearing a rose?
Its subtle fragrance, heaven knows
So sweet smelling to the nose
That Rose pinned to your lapel
Does intoxicate me so well
And does hold me in its spell
ARE YOU WEARING CHANEL?
Are you wearing Chanel?
Why do you wear that smell?
At the chip shop when it was quite late
And I asked you out on a date
When you were standing frying fish
You fulfilled my perfect wish
I thought you would smell like that
Because I like the smell of chip fat
ARE YOU WEARING WIDOWS WEEDS?
Are you wearing widows’ weeds?
Well you still have a woman needs
And you’re still in your prime
You’ve waited a respectful time
After that event so fateful
So just lie back and be grateful
ARE YOU WEARING MOURNING CLOTHES?
Are you wearing mourning clothes?
Black really does look good on you
And I am very curious to know
If your underwear is black too
ARE YOU WEARING BOOTS?
Are you wearing boots?
It’s a little warm for that Betty
No they suit you very well indeed
But they make your calves sweaty
ARE YOU WEARING SCENT?
Are you wearing scent?
You don’t usually exude
Even when you’re going out
For a social interlude
If you are wearing scent
It means you’re going to get rude
ARE YOU WEARING SLIPPERS?
Are you wearing slippers?
Yes I do think they suit you
I just questioning their suitability
For a visit to the zoo