LET YOUR WIND GO FREE

WINDY WILL

Blow, blow thou inner wind -
Thou art so unkind
As man's flatulence
Thy toot is not so keen,
Because thou art not seen,
Although thy breath be rude

UNCONTAINABLE

The fetor of the sewerage farm
With its strong offensive smell
Could not be easily confined
Behind the high palings of its cell

A TRIBUTE TO LE PÉTOMANE

I got the tell tale sign
As I was stood in crowd
And I knew its containment
Would not be aloud
So what should I do?
Release a silent gaseous cloud
And slowly move away
Or just let rip long and loud
A fart of which
Le Pétomane would be proud

TRAPPED WIND

You feel the gripey twinge
Your tummy starts to grown
It always happens in the lift
When you’re not alone

You know it wont be held
You just hope there is time
To get off the lift
Before you commit the crime

And just when you think
You cant hold it anymore
The lift comes to a stop
Though its not your floor

But you decide to get off
As you cant hold it anymore
And release a quiet fart
As you step through the door

You sigh with relief
You made it just in time
And then the doors closes
On the scene of the crime

And even though
You’re on the wrong floor
You know your smelly fart
Is the otherside of the door

CALL FOR SETH

If you need a job doing
Then you need Seth
He is cold, deadly
And as ruthless as MacBeth
He strikes with a deadly puff
A foul satisfying breath
He is the flatulator
The noxious dealer of death

NOT WHAT IT SEEMS

Just because when you fart
It sounds like an angels breath
It doesn’t mean for a moment
That it will not smell like death

A FORCE OF NATURE

It may be like fabric tearing
Or maybe gunfire shooting
It maybe like a trumpet sounding
Or some other musical tooting

It may be like a despairing sigh
Or like a balloon deflating
It maybe like a duck quacking
Or some small mamals mating

But whether loud or soft
Short or long, musical or flat
There’s one thing for sure
You can’t keep it in so that’s that

AN AIR OF DISAPPROVAL

I am not embarrassed
When the trumpet sounds
Like when Joshua brought
Jericos walls falling down

But my wife feel differently
And her face does frown
When I happen to loudly fart
As we are walking in town