ON THE SEXY SIDE

KNIGHT’S FAVOUR

I would have climbed the highest mountain
I would have sailed the widest sea
I would have fought the fiercest dragon
No task would have defeated me
All this I would have done for the chance
Of getting down with you all sleazy
But I didn’t even have to break a sweat
Because it turned out that you were easy

FEELING A BIT GINGER

There is a Ginger girl I see
Whom I see professionally
In a strictly sexual capacity

She is a lady of the night
A tart or a hooker, called Delight
Ok she’s a prostitute, alright?

But I call my sweet little ho
The dirty Ginger girl I know
My Orange pay as you go

THE COMMANDO WIFE

George looked at his wife on the sofa
With more than the usual on display
“Are you wearing underwear?” He asked
In an unusually interested way
“No” she replied pleased he’d noticed
“I’m pantie-less” she said happily unclad
"Thank God for that” said husband George
“I thought you’d sat on my kebab"

TEMPORARY AFFLICTION

I have a stack of work to do
With deadlines to meet too
So much work I can’t get into
Because I just sit and stare at Sue

Sue is the new temporary
And she’s got me quite contrary
The last temp was very scary
Not to mention rather hairy

But Sue is such a rare beauty
Down to earth not at all snooty
But it’s hard to fulfil my duty
When I think of Sue getting fruity

AIMING TO HIGH

I went in search of a maiden fair
And saw a vision standing there
But I knew as I held her in my stare
For me to have a future with her
I should be twenty years younger
And her standards much lower

DESPERATELY SEEKING

She seeks Mr. Right
Someone who’s simply awesome
A strong, intelligent man
Tall dark and handsome
A King or a Prince
Healthy wealthy and wise
A good conversationalist
With come to bed eyes
Generous to a fault
Patient and kind
Devotedly attentive
And domestically inclined
A constant companion
A lover and a friend
A man of substance
On whom she can depend

But if a man seeks a woman
Then a deaf-mute, with no sense of smell,
Large breasted nymphomaniac
Contortionist would suit well

A QUESTION OF COURTSHIP

I like you very much and I am attracted to you
But something that I have quite often thought
If you wouldn’t mind my asking, is, are you chaste
And more importantly have you ever been caught

BRIDAL DESIRE

Do you want your future bride?
To be chaste and never caught
Should she be pure in thought and deed?
With never a single immoral thought

Abstaining from sex on moral grounds
And any kind of lustful devilment?
Not a very realistic expectation
Unless she’s been living in a convent

It’s not what I would look for in a bride
I would want my wife to be sexually faithful
When the vows were said, I wouldn’t want
Her to indulge in anything extra marital

But on the day I would like her to appear angelic
With the look of innocence upon her face
As she stands at the alter dressed in virgin white
While encased beneath in black silk and lace